So President Obama has said that the reason we were respectful of Osama’s remains is that that it what makes us different from the terrorists. Other things that make us different from terrorists:
* Our haircuts.
* Our ironic t-shirts.
* The number of reality shows we watch.
* Our average per-year consumption of Doritos.
* How we don’t target innocent civilians for murder.
So, you know, bunch of stuff that makes us different — which is good because I wouldn’t want someone to be like, “Hey, you’re a lot like a terrorist!” Because we’re not; we throw people in the sea. Respectfully.
Not everyone gets this, though. Fidel Castro criticized how we killed bin Laden, which got me thinking that here is another guy who could really use our respectful handling of his remains. Actually, I hope that will now be a common foreign policy tool of ours — two shots to the head and chuck ’em the sea. Simple. Effective. And most of all, respectful. We should come up with a shorthand for that — I’m thinking we call it a “standard greeting.” What would you call it?
How about “The SpecOps Special” ?
…Who are we kidding, the special forces guys have way cooler code names than we could ever think of. Cooler – and secret! So, cooler times three, at least.
I would call it “kinetic respect.”
“Special Dispensation”
And so much cheaper than capturing, and having to keep in Gitmo with all those respectful privileges, and arguing about whether we should hire lawyers for them and try them at Ground Zero, or let the military do it. One highly-trained team, two bullets, and a very respectful drop off in the ocean. Very effective and efficient too. I submit we call it the “911 Nod.”
The Hello Kitty Happy Happy Go Time Hug!
SEAL the Deal?
I got nothing…
Tits up in a bathtub.
I got nothin’ too.
I like
pop, pop, plop
S.hoot – H.eave I.n T.he S.ea
“Pop Pop Fizz Fizz”
Bowling ball on a flight deck.
It doesn’t matter what you officially name it, from now on it will always be known as giving someone a Bin Laden.
I’ll call it the U.S. Marine Corps. Afterall, the SEALs are a very small group, so we’ll need more muscle to help the Dick Cheney Assassination Squads.
* Diplomatic encouragement
* The alternative to a day with hillary
* The retard reduction program
Hmm, any such saying would need to be somewhat relevant, funny but serious, patriotic, and most of all concise. Here’s my suggestions so far:
* Terrorist Welcome
* U.S. Diplomacy
* Islamic Respect
* American Tolerance
* U.S. Greeting
* NYC Special — (or Jersey Special, Detroit Special, etc)
I think my favorite so far is “American Tolerance”. “Yeah, we knew this guy was hiding out in Allah-Wallah-Derkistan, so our team went in and showed him some real American Tolerance. We saved the body for intel purposes, then chucked it in the bay.”
Double hull failure and a sinking.
Two buck chuck and a water chaser.
Enemy float test.
Other things that make us different from terrorists:
– Marines.
– We eat bacon.
– Goats in the US are generally safe.
– We resort to lawyers instead of jihad (this one’s a toss up).
– We return soccer balls kicked into our yards.
– Only some of us drive Priuses.
– We actually have nukular weapons and the means to deliver them in less time than we can get Domino’s pizza.
– Our 1,000 lb. precision guided munitions trump AK-47’s.
– No burkhas. In fact, we are the country of anti-burkha clothing for women.
A liquid Fort Marcy Park.
Tap and bath.
A vent and splash.
Another way we are different from terrorists: we have noweird beards and they have no hippie punching. I’ve never seen a terrorist face punch a hippie. Ever.
As long as we’re dropping them in the water, we can call it ‘Flushing out an enemy’.
I have nothing apparently.
Although I do hope hope that someone was making flushing sound effects when they tossed him in.
Feedin’ the hagfish.
Enhancing the marine ecosystem.
Hey! Sharks gotta eat too!
Planet cleanser.
Ocean boarding.
The American Way.
A Seal Team Six Wedgie
An American “We Like Totally Respect Your Religion and Don’t Want To Make Anyone Mad At Us Because We are Wussy Body Dump In The Ocean Service”
Pift Pift Pift Sploosh…
Osama Bin Lauden, What Osama Bin Lauden? We never saw Osama Bin Lauden! Did you guys see Osama Bin Lauden? (This is what we should have done!)
Spiking the Football!!!
Recycling.
“Green” National Security
Reducing the Carbon Footprint
Feeding Ghia
.
.
.
PAYBACK!
Duh – Winning!
Expedient Diplomacy
The “How you like us now, bitch?”
Hi! We’re the Special Forces and we’re here from America. We are stopping by all the Terrorist houses on your continent just to say Hi. We also wanted to give you this special gift to show our respect for your religion and to show our appreciation of your Terrorist activities. *Bang* *Bang*
OK, a bit long and makes a crappy Acronym, but still rather funny if you imagine one of the Navy Seals standing on the front porch with a plate of brownies while the rest of them hide in the wherever the Navy Seals hide on this kind of mission.
Spongebob Splodeypants
Welcome Wagon with Extreme Prejudice
“The Witch Test”
We shoot them in the head, if they live we declare them a witch and burn them. Just to double check, we throw them in the ocean if they float we call them a witch and shoot them some more till they sink. If they sink we say “sorry, guess that one wasn’t a witch.” “next!”
“Huntin’ with Cheney”
“Penetrating Diplomacy”
“Death to America Consolation Prize”
Who am I kiddin? Crabby Old Bat already won the gold.
oh yeah… “The Olympic Lead Medal in the 170 Fathom Plunge”
Well I don’t like it…I don’t like it at all! It sets a bad presidence. What if we treated all terrorists like this? The next thing you know we might start doing the same with murderers, rapists, and child molesters, then how would us lawyers (except tax lawyers) be expected to earn a decent living in this country?…Eric Holder, foiled again, Washington DC.
“Welcome to SEAL world”?
Yeah, I got nothin’ either….
We said we sent the Seals for publicity. Actually we sent in 6 lightly armed female marines and they took down the compound in 5 minutes and double tapped Osama and said “That’s what I’m talkin’ bout bitch”!!! But we can’t have females in combat so they made up a story! But Osama was biatch slapped by female marines! At least In My World he was!
“Operation GeroniLarry”
and
“Operation GeroniCurly”
Congrats, not only do you get a free headshot, but you’ve automatically been entered in the “jihadists hive dive competition”?
Sheesh, I got nuthin’ either
Eternal Reefs
If we chuck enough of them, the oceans may rise though, I’m glad He already knows how to fix that
Building Prick Reefs…One Prick at a time…
Bed time for Bombzo.
Your first and last bath you stinking hippy/terrorist/msnbc host.
Two sinkers and bait.
Ol’ Chum.
The Habib Highdive.
Swiss Cheese for Neptune. (meh, could be better)
Team 6 Deep 6.
The DEVGRU Dip.
A Turban Toss.
Not burning him alive in an induction furnace where his brain or heart would cook before he was deprived of oxygen by fire.
Not flaying the skin from his body an inch at a time.
Not bacony enough.
Not dropped in an Yankee Stadium with underfed Hyenas.
Not kicked through the intake vent of a Firefly class transport.
Not the Sarlacc.
Once again, Han shoots first.
Just following Islamic tradition, guy. Oh, I’m sorry, my finger slipped. Oh shoot! There I go again. Dang! I forgot to ask what color body bag you preferred…. Can you hear me now? No? Hey, Harvey, another one in traditional burlap… now, be gentle! Harvey!
I am 30+ years old and am happy to say I have never worn an ironic T-shirt.
“I am 30+ years old and am happy to say I have never worn an ironic T-shirt.”
We had them when I was a kid, you had to get the iron real hot or it would peel off.
This certainly dates me but it’s an entry anyway…
“SORRY CHARLIE!”
In the Hole !
The best one I’ve seen so far is a cartoon showing OBL sinking to the bottom surrounded by fish. The caption shows him saying “72 sturgeons?”
Now that’s ironic!
The “Double Tap ‘n Wrap”
The “SEAL Burrito”
One big difference you left out. When one of OUR women are raped, we tend to punish the rapist, not the woman. Oh, wait a minute, you said what makes us different from terrorists, not from Islam in general. Sorry, my bad.
In the article, Castro also said Pakistan’s laws had been violated and its “national dignity offended.” What national dignity Senior Castro?
Musket to the Junk
Smart diplomacy. Obama has used the phrase “smart diplomacy” since 2008; now he’s finally using some.
Typical Obama tactic, he states his one pro American policy after it is violated: DO NOT get between Michelle and a tamale. Let us be glad that bin Laden was so blithely unaware of the rules.
Couldn’t we just call this our “Exit Strategy?”
Respectful Good-Bye