So the Commerce Secretary resigned, to which many people have reacted, “We have a Commerce Secretary?” and “What exactly does he do?” Well, he checks all our commerce. You know how when you swipe your debit card and you wait for it to be approved? Well he’s the one on the other end of the line who quickly checks all the numbers and approves it. If we don’t get a new Commerce Secretary soon, expect commerce to descend into lawless anarchy.
Too late! Moody’s has downgraded the credit ratings of fifteen of the world’s largest banks… or, as Obama would put it, “fifteen of the world’s largest banks are doing fine.” How bad is this? Well, Bank of America just called me up and asked if I could loan them twenty bucks.
Obviously, I said no.
We need a new Commerce Secretary right away. I will suggest myself. I shop on Amazon all the time, so I know a lot about commerce. I don’t like the word “secretary” being in my title, though, as it makes me think I’m going to be fetching people coffee. How about we change it to “Captain Commerce”?
“It’s me, Captain Commerce, here to save the economy!”
I get a cape, right?
I volunteer as a “Commercenary”
As an added bonus, you could just steal Comedy Central’s logo instead of going through the bother of making up one of your own.
Sorry no cape for you. The heartless Republicans (in order to destroy the middle class, further their war on women and their racist agenda) have cut all funds for government issued capes for federal employees. Sadly, this ban on government issue capes includes that of Captain Commerce.
Captain Commerce… wasn’t that the name of the hero in “Atlas Shrugged”?
It’s not just banking, according to Obama all our health care is commerce too. I hope this resignation doesn’t delay my distemper vaccination. You wouldn’t like me when I have distemper.
He’s the guy that tells me that I am approved when I swipe my card? I like it when people approve of me. It does a lot to undo a hard childhood.
He’ll get my vote when we vote.
“What exactly does he do?”
I thought you knew this, Frank.
He doesn’t just check your commerce, he has thousands of lawyers to enforce the Commerce Clause, the most demanding sentence in the Constitution.
It’s obvious your commerce could use some enforcing right here at IMOA.
What I meant to say is, he doesn’t just check your commerce, he uses it to grease the treads of his tanks.
I sure hope Capt. Commerce dosn’t end up like Green Lantern.
John Bryson resigned after ‘unexplained’ car accidents, a seizure, and laspes of conciousness and memory. The interim commerce secretary is Rebecca Blank.
That’s a lot of material to use for comedy right there! I’ll see what I can do.
Interim commerce secretary Rebecca Blank is obviously a ‘composite’ commerce secretary. The name was picked because of Obama’s blank look whenever someone explains commerce to him.
Looks like Obama has a blank check on commerce.
Bryson claims to have no memory of how the administration claimed the commerce clause justified Obamacare. He blamed the seizure for that, also.
Those car accidents happened because Bryson was distracted by so dutifully managing commerce.
The commerce secretary’s driving skills are a metaphor for his economic prowess.
It would be a good start if, when people left government jobs we just stopped replacing them. In January there will be one opening up that we could probably do without at this point…that is, unless someone’s found a way to bring Reagan back to life.
Clearly Frank learned nothing from “The Incredibles”…”NO CAPES!”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M68ndaZSKa8
He had an “accident” and then resigned. Just like the FBI director under Clinton had an “accident” and then resigned.
The heck with Captain Commerce — Go for Commander Commerce!
I vote for Admiral Commerce – What it lacks in alliteration, it makes up for in rank.
Wouldn’t “President Commerce” be the rankiest? most rankful? most ranking? wtf am i doing wrong here.
Considering what happened to the last Commerce Secretary, it seems like the job entails having terrible things happen to you as a reflection of the economy. I’ll vote for anyone who wants to run for that office, and I’ll be praying for them.
“I did not have commerce with that woman!”
This is absolutely a travisty of justice! Everyone knows that, as a driver if not as a Commerce Secretary, the man rated a Good Solid B+ on the official Obama scale.
Coincidentally, that’s the same rating Moody’s seems to be indicating the banks are headed for, which doesn’t seem so bad unless you realize they probably started at something RomperRoomish like “Quintuple A with Gold Stars”.