Archive of entries posted on July 2012

11 Possible Explanations for the East Coast Blackout

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A tiny little storm rolls through, and the next thing you know, half the East Coast gets plunged into darkness.

Why?

As a raving paranoid off his meds, I speculate thusly:
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“Al Gore’s still working the bugs out of his weather control machine.”

1) Obama was playing with Biden and accidentally tossed Joe’s favorite squeak-toy into a transformer.

2) The EPA forgot we actually still USE all those coal-fired plants they shut down.

3) Jay Carney got carried away during an imaginary game of “Mission: Impossible” and cut the red wire.

4) Mr. Burns will NOT give you back your Dental Plan!

5) Luke is a crack shot with those proton torpedoes. “Bullseye, womprat!”

6) That dang Morpheus keeps unplugging people.

7) Leonardo DiCaprio woke up and everything just fell apart.

8) Godzilla!

9) The lights were turned off in preparation for Obama’s climatic appearance on stage at the Democrat Convention. What a drama queen!

10) Unfortunately, the East Coast “smart grid” uses the same “smart” as Obama’s “smart diplomacy”.

11) Who is John Galt?
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Speaking of John Galt, a local elected Democrat had this to say:

“I will not accept the timetable of July the 6th, said Montgomery County Executive Isiah Leggett (D), shortly after Pepco announced some homes would not have their power restored until Friday or even later. “Having our citizens go seven days without utilities in my opinion is not the kind of service we should expect.”

Brings to mind the sort of political mind-over-reality huffenpuffery of the politicians who caused the Taggart Tunnel disaster.

lolbama! Part 92

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NOTE: Next week, in honor of IMAO 10th Blogiversary Week, lolbama! will be pre-empted to bring you a special edition of lolimao! on Tuesday. See the bottom of this post for details.

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Pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.

From Arik:

[reference link (NSFW) (just the lyrics, also NSFW)]

From DamnCat:

From I’m a Man, I’m 41:

[reference link]

From Irritable Pundit:

[ref 1,ref 2]

From Kris:

From Kris:

From Kris:

From Kris:

[reference link]

From The Looking Spoon:

From Sad Hill News:

From Travelwise42:

[reference link]

My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Arik:

From Arik:

[reference link]

From hadsil:

From Kris:

An uncaptioned lolbama! picture for you for the next edition in 2 weeks:

Yes, that’s a real picture of Secretary of State Hillary Clinton

For next week, which is IMAO’s 10th Blogiversary Week, a challenge:

Insert the IMAO nuked-moon logo into a picture.

Doesn’t matter what – a famous painting, a corporate logo, a famous picture, a well-known landmark, an iconic album cover, or whatever tickles your fancy. The moon part is basically a circle, so there’s a lot of places it would fit nicely. For example:

Here’s a nice white-background PNG image you can re-size as necessary:

If you feel the need to add “IMAO” to it, the official font is Copperplate Gothic Bold, which is standard in Microsoft Word. The “Unfair. Unbalanced. Unmedicated.” tagline is Arial.

Oh, and you can easily do this, even if all you have to work with is Microsoft Paint (see tutorial). You don’t even have to trace around the moon image first. Just paste the whole thing on top of the target image, and when you click the “no background” button, the entirety of the white background will drop out.

As always, submit your entries to lolterizt@gmail.com

Arik, for knowing his Denis Leary.

What say you?

PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

Warren’s 1/16th Mom Doesn’t Claim Heritage That 1/32 Elizabeth Does

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NO_MO_BAMA [High Praise!] pointed me to Thoughts From Polly’s Granddaughter, who’s all over the issue of Elizabeth Warren’s heritage, with documentation to back it up:

Ms. Warren’s mother is never found as anything but white in documentation.

Pauline Louise Reed, the mother of Ms. Warren, was the child of Harry G. Reed and Bethania “Hannie” Crawford. She was born in Hughes County, Oklahoma, on February 14, 1912. She was found on the 1920 US Census living in Hickory Ridge, Okfuskee County, Oklahoma with her parents and siblings, race listed as white.

She was found on the 1930 US Census living in Wetumka, Hughes County, Oklahoma with her parents, race listed as white.

She married Don Herring on January 2, 1932 in Hughes County, Oklahoma. She was found on the 1940 US Census living in Wetumka, Hughes County, Oklahoma with her husband and children, race listed as white. She died July 18, 1995.

Now does that look like someone who was “so Cherokee” they had to elope?

See also:

Elizabeth Warren herself listed “Aunt Bea” as White on death certificate.

Fauxcahontas family documented white since 1858

Pelosi Calls for Animal Sacrifices to Secure Obama Reelection

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WASHINGTON (AP) – House Democrat Leader Nancy Pelosi credited the Supreme Court’s upholding of Obamacare’s individual mandate to the late Democrat Senator Ted Kennedy’s angelic intervention, saying, “I knew that when he left us he would go to heaven and help pass the bill.” Pelosi then encouraged people to “use whatever wacky religious beliefs they had” to help get President Obama reelected.

Vodoo Chicken Says “Obama 2012!”

“I figure,” said Pelosi, “that if a greedy, gluttonous, lusty, slothful, adulterous murderer can sit at God’s right hand and pull invisible strings instead of doing the 9-circles-tour, maybe some other crazy schemes might help support Obama, too. I think Mexicans like chicken sacrifices, and since Obama just gave a million of ’em a free pass, Foghorn Leghorn should lose his melon for the greater good.”

Former Obama adviser and current Democrat candidate for Senate in Massachusetts Elizabeth Warren said she supported Pelosi’s “Voodoo the Vote” initiative.

“Being 1/32 Cherokee,” said the blond-haired, blue-eyed, high-cheekboned Native American, “I have great faith in my people’s ability to propitiate angry gods and win their blessings. Last month, I was moccasining around my teepee doing a raindance, and now half the country is plagued by drought, record high temperatures, and wildfires. Turned out I was doing the dance backwards.”

“Hey, I said I AM Cherokee. Never said I could read instructions written in it,” Warren said petulantly.

Although admitting to some skepticism over the program, corrupt and censured Democrat Congressman Charlie Rangel offered his support as well.

“Yeah, the chicken thing might work,” said Rangel. “But they need to do it right. I hear the best way to kill a chicken when trying to appease mighty spirit forces is to seal it up in a cardboard box until it suffocates.”

“But we should not let the perfect become the enemy of the good,” said Rangel solemnly. “If you don’t have a chicken, then suffocate the cash equivalent of a chicken in a cardboard box. Then address the box of suffocated cash to me and drop it in a mailbox. I’ll see that it gets a decent burial.”

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UPDATE: Linked by YouViewed

UPDATE: Linked by Democrats United