[by Son of Bob]
[NOTE: I talked Son of Bob into doing another Moment With Joe in response to Biden’s Field & Stream interview. If you applaud loudly enough in the comments, you may be able to convince him to do some more]
And now, an interview with Joe Biden…
LIBERAL INTERVIEWER: Welcome back. I’m John Weller and joining us now to share his insight into the long-overdue national discussion on gun control is the Vice President of the United States. Vice President Biden, welcome to Good Morning Cincinnati.
JOE BIDEN: Well, thank you Jim. It’s always a pleasure to be here. And, you can be sure that this time I’ll remember to bring my wife, Jill, back some of your wonderful Philly Cheesesteaks. If I forget this time I’ll really be in the doghouse.
LIBERAL INTERVIEWER: Mr. Vice President, it’s clear that the mass shooting at the Sandy Hook school really drove home to most Americans that guns are a danger to even the most innocent Americans.
JOE BIDEN: Well, that’s true Joe. And, you know I keep hearing this malarkey about how Barack and I want to take your guns away and, frankly, I don’t know how this stuff gets started. Listen to me! Listen to what I say here! No one, I mean no one is coming to take your guns! People, get real here!
LIBERAL INTERVIEWER: So then, what exactly are you and the president calling for?
JOE BIDEN: What Barack is proposing has nothing to do with the Second Amendment. And, let me say this again! No one is coming to take your guns. All we’re proposing is just much needed, common sense legislation that will make it a federal offense for a private citizen to own a firearm.
LIBERAL INTERVIEWER: Then citizens will not be allowed to own guns…
JOE BIDEN: Hey, hey, now Jacob, don’t try to do me like that. I’ve been at this for a long time, and I won’t play your little games here. What we’re suggesting is that there be a voluntary program whereby citizens have the ability to turn in their firearms. It’s a voluntary program, just like paying your taxes. And, if you do so voluntarily there will be no fines, no jail time but, again, let me make this perfectly clear: it’s a matter of every citizen doing his or her part, and that should happen. So, there won’t be anyone coming for your guns. So, we need to stop talking this nonsense.
LIBERAL INTERVIEWER: Who will be allowed to own firearms?
JOE BIDEN: Well Joel, if you read the Constitution…which, let me tell you something. When I became president I took an oath to uphold the Constitution, and there’s been no better friend to the Constitution than Joe Biden. But, it says right in the Constitution that, and I quote, “The President shall have the right to bypass and/or supersede all laws and amendments when they interfere with his ability to provide for the betterment of the republic.” That’s right in the Constitution, put in there by the Founding Fathers. Look it up. Right now we’re on the verge of insanity… there’s insanity out there. Just the other day we had a shooting – I forget where it was – but, a guy knocked on his neighbor’s door and yells something, joking around, and the guy fires a 12-gauge shotgun through the door and killed him. Who would think to do something that stupid? I mean, c’mon, we need to make sure that only sensible people can legally possess guns…responsible professionals, like professional law enforcement.
LIBERAL INTERVIEWER: What’s your message to those who claim their gun is their means of protection?
JOE BIDEN: Look Jake, why would any average citizen need a gun? I mean, that’s why we have police and Secret Service people to protect us. Why would you need to own a firearm? Let the Secret Service people…they’re trained professionals, let them do their job, for Christ sake.
LIBERAL INTERVIEWER: Now, some will say that people who have concealed carry permits have also undergone training similar to the training that police and…
JOE BIDEN: C’mon Jack, are you trying to tell me that an average Joe that undergoes some training classes is the same as a professional law officer? C’mon, you’re smarter than that. Does the average citizen have a police hat? A whistle? Of course not. These guys and gals – our brave professional law officers who are out there everyday keeping the streets safe in cities like Detroit, Chicago, and right here in Cleveland – they’re not just average citizens, they’re professionals. You start putting guns in the hands of everyday citizens and you’ll end up with more and more like this Dorner guy out in California who was going around shooting cops. Look, the American people are clamoring for there to be tighter laws to keep guns out of the hands of everyday people, and that’s why I’m out here going city to city doing interviews and talking with people to try to convince them to support us.
LIBERAL INTERVIEWER: Well, thank you for being with us today Mr. Vice President.
JOE BIDEN: No, thank you Jason.
Starting a loud, slow clap (as SoB would say).
Oh, oh. Wait! I hear chanting!
“Son of Bob!
Son of Bob!
SON OF BOB!
SON OF BOB!”
IMAO Zombies!!!11!! They’re out there again!! Lemme get my shotgun and shoot through the door!
*BANG*
Thanks, Joe. You can have my gun now.
Yaaa! Son of Bob is back.
Lactose, like you, he’s a Headliner.
Stand up, Son of Bob, let ’em see you. Oh, God love you. What am I talking about? I tell you what, you’re making everybody else stand up, though, pal. I tell you what, stand up for Son of Bob!
Loud applause.
Oh you mean this was a made up interview?? It was so lifelike…
Loud Applause 2 U!
I want to stand up and applaud loudly, because this was one of my favorite IMAO features back during the election, you know, back when I thought this country might still have a chance. But I can’t applaud because I think I actually heard this interview for real…
Spot On!
(As Obama often says, standing over an outdoor grill)
“All we’re proposing is just much needed, common sense legislation that will make it a federal offense for a private citizen to own a firearm.”
Nail, meet hammer. *THUNK*
…or, firing pin, meet hammer. *BANG*
But, it says right in the Constitution that, and I quote, “The President shall have the right to bypass and/or supersede all laws and amendments when they interfere with his ability to provide for the betterment of the republic.”
Somehow, I’m not really sure that this part is satire. I think they really believe it.
Does bacon count as applause? ‘Cause, bacon.
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It’s right there in the penumbra, next to the iron-clad, untouchable right to abortion-on-demand through the delivery date (and beyond, if the child inadvertently survives the first termination procedure). When conservatives think the Constitution gives them a right, it is an outdated, historical anachronism that has no practical application to the modern world (“I don’t see any well-regulated militias around here, do you?”). When liberals want either a right or power granted by the Constitution, it is an integral part of a “living, breathing, changing” document, adapted to real-world concerns, and easily found (by a liberal judge) lurking in that penumbra of rights necessarily granted for the Whole Document to have meaning, buttressed by the omnipotent Commerce Clause.
Son of Bob is a very bacon worthy writter.
This post is pretty funny until you realize that if someone gave you a “Biden” quote from this post and a Biden quote from the F&S interview, you wouldn’t be able to tell which was which.
And that ain’t funny.
Hello all, Joe Biden here. I’d like to thank Son of Bob for getting my interview exposure here on this conservative blog. I thought all you Republicans were crazy folk trying to take away my hair gel and Crest white strips but gosh darn it – you’re all right!
Son of Bob is back! Yay!
There’s also an amendment clearly stating that once the IMAO horde is hooked on a certain regular feature that makes them laugh, the drug cannot be taken away. Give us more, SoB! Give us more!
“If you applaud loudly enough in the comments, you may be able to convince him to do some more.”
With this administration…I think a long Golf Clap is more in order. {claps quietly for several minutes}
“You start putting guns in the hands of everyday citizens and you’ll end up with more and more like this Dorner guy out in California who was going around shooting cops.”
Yeah, because a cop could never something like that, right?
Bacon for you!
Actually, Harvey, it’s Il Douche and Slow Joe who deserve the Clap… or the Pox, or both. 😀
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After I read Son of Bob’s interview I clicked over and read the Field and Stream interview…my only observation is that Son of Bob’s version is much more coherent and readable. Old Bite Me spews malakey and talks in circles saying nothing.
@21 – My “favorite” part of Biden’s actual interview was when he was asked why guns should be banned over merely cosmetic features and Joe started talking about magazine capacity:
F&S: Many of our readers asked a question that gets to the heart of what you’re saying here. What’s the difference between, say, a semiautomatic hunting rifle that has traditional looks and characteristics and one that is an AR and labeled an assault rifle? One of the criticisms has been that it’s really only about cosmetic features—pistol grips, rails, barrel shrouds. How do those features make a rifle any more deadly or dangerous than a semiautomatic rifle that has a—
V.P. BIDEN: The thing that makes it the deadliest are the size of the round and how many rounds you have in a magazine. And the cops are coming to us and saying, “We’re being outgunned. We’re being outgunned.” And so there’s always a balancing test, whether it’s the First Amendment, the Second Amendment, an individual right to use the weapon, is whether or not that weapon—if it had a magazine with only 10 shells in it as opposed to 30 or more, does that make a difference?
Does it make a difference in terms of the public safety of the, in this case, police officers who are being outgunned for someone to be able to have a weapon that has a much longer range and greater lethality with, you know, 10, 20, 30 or 40 rounds?
And so the question is, is that necessary for you to protect yourself? How many legitimate hunters go out and hunt like that?
@22 – “How many legitimate hunters go out and hunt like that?” Well, I have! We had some feral hogs on our land. Those things have tusks on them as long as your index finger, or longer. They are as foul tempered as an ex-mother-in-law, and tougher than an old boot. When I went out to kill them, I carried a .30 cal carbine with a fully loaded 30 round magazine, and darn glad I had it. I never had to completely empty the mag, but I wanted as much safety factor as I could get, hunting those critters.