Since the Frank family seems to be Pitocin challenged, I thought I could help out with some more unsolicited advice. Here are some of the ways we used to induce labor back in the old days.
- Take a trip to the trampoline park.
- Force the expectant mother to march up and down the stairs to the beat of you playing the Twilight soundtrack on your vuvezela.
- Remind the unborn child that Obamacare is being implemented, and the mandatory abortion clause may become effective any day now.
- Tell the unborn child that your ob/gyn is going on vacation tomorrow, and the substitute physician will be Kermit Gosnell.
- Smoke a wee bit of crack, and then tell the unborn child he gets no more until he comes out.
- Show the unborn child the analysis you have done that demonstrates that each day he is past the due date statistically increases his chances of being sold to the gypsies. (I ran the numbers through Michael Mann’s algorithm, so it of course produced a hockeystick shaped curve. Don’t argue. The science is settled).
- Assure the unborn child that Mother’s Day is past now, so he doesn’t have to be ashamed he didn’t get mommy a gift now.
- Let the unborn child know that every day he waits to be born is just one day more he has to wait to get legally drunk.
- Tell the unborn child not to be afraid to be born. You would never enter him in underground drunken toddler knife fights without properly training him first.
- Assure the unborn child that though the world may seem bleak right now, no matter how scary she looks, you would never let Nancy Pelosi eat him.
“I Think Frank J May Need a Little More Advice”
Right.
From someone who is lactose intolerant.
Like he needs advice from a Crackpot!
Pass along two words to the kid, “Bottle Rockets!”, and he’ll be out shortly.
If the Oscar Mayer Bacon Hot Dogs didn’t lure him out, I have officially run out of ideas.
Jumping ditches didn’t work for my aunt; going shopping and walking on those nice hard floors worked for us.
But the bottle rockets hint should work.
And I am not a crackpot either.
And doctor’s are never right on the due dates.
@1 Just to make it clear, I am not intolerant of lactose. I am intolerant of crackpots.
He can try this patented invention:
Apparatus for facilitating the birth of a child by centrifugal force
I think Frank should remove the “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here” sign from the end of SarahK’s birth canal.
Admit to Sarah that your last argument was all your fault. The shock of that ought to work.
Please share the video of the Twilight Soundtrack on the vuvuzela in case other expectant moms need the help.
Tell him if he doesn’t come out soon, teachers will be asking him how to pronounce ‘Ygdft’ and if they can use his middle name, ‘bacon’
YGDFT!YLTATSOTE! There was something that worked for us but well, I’m not sure it’s appropriate for a family friendly blog like this. But it did work a couple of times. Just sayin’
Face it: That kid ain’t coming out. If you knew that just by being born you’d inherit an insurmountable moutain of debt, would you?
What Are You Trying To Say Bacon to seanmahair!
http://tinyurl.com/YGDFTYLTATSOTE
Hmm… Human sperm also contains pitocin. Just sayin’. It worked for us the last time.