Archive of entries posted on 1st May 2013

The Argument for Open Borders

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[High Praise! to Sad Hill News]

Yes, Obama Understands Taxes

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[High Praise! to Freedom Is Just Another Word]

Bloomberg Got This One Right

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Mayor Michael Bloomberg said the country’s interpretation of the Constitution will “have to change”.

Absolutely. It needs to put a tighter leash on the government.

Second Star to the Right, and Straight on Until Morning

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[High Praise! to After Math]


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Link of the Day: Is the Google Street View Van Really Supposed to Be In My Living Room?

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[High Praise! to Hatless in Hattiesburg and McSweeney’s]

Is the Google Street View Van Really Supposed to Be In My Living Room?

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Wisdom of the Day: Journalism Gitmo Gay Corn Toilet Rowling Name Quit Casual Weird Band Subscribers Nymphs Ending

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Also, @BarackObama

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C-Net News described social media as a “dangerous well of misinformation”.

Didn’t know MSNBC had a Facebook page.

That’s an Option?

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When asked about his second term failures, Obama responded, “Maybe I should just pack up and go home. Golly.”

I hope the reporter had the wherewithal to respond with, “Follow up question: Could you?”

Obama Warned Us – Values

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I have studied the Constitution as a student; I have taught it as a teacher; I have been bound by it as a lawyer and legislator. I took an oath to preserve, protect and defend the Constitution as Commander-in-Chief, and as a citizen, I know that we must never – ever – turn our back on its enduring principles for expedience sake. I make this claim not simply as a matter of idealism. We uphold our most cherished values not only because doing so is right, but because it strengthens our country and keeps us safe.

BARACK OBAMA, speech, May 21, 2009

“Notice that I never said that the cherished values I uphold were the ones in the Constitution. Gotcha!”

Our Enemies Are Threatening to Beat Themselves Up

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So, half of the LA Times is threatening to quit if the Koch brothers buys their paper. I guess that is more evidence that the left have no idea how conservatives think if they believe that to be a threat.

“We awful, annoying, arrogant people you hate are going to throw away our jobs and finally get to experience the awful Obama economy we’ve been promoting!”

And if they quit, then they don’t get a severance package. What are the Koch brothers going to do with all those fun-sized bags of Doritos they were going to hand out to laid off employees?

And come someone please explain to me what exactly is the awful thing the Koch brothers are supposed to have done? I’ve never picked that up in all the left’s incoherent screaming.

Classic Conservative Television – 24 Part 1

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FADE IN:

INT. Office – Evening

Establishing shot: Close up of JACK BAUER’s piercing gaze.

JACK BAUER: (Voice Over) My name is Jack Bauer, and I am a federal agent in the Counter-Terrorist Unit.  I’m currently stationed in Utah in deep cover as a Mormon Bishop with my daughter Kimberly and my wife Teri.  While it appeared that my wife had been killed eight years ago, it was just an elaborate ruse to get out of paying the cable bill.  It didn’t work.  And while I don’t know it yet, I am about to experience the worst 24 minutes of my life.

Camera shot: Pull back to show JACK’s face.

JACK BAUER:  You are a very good liar.  But I’ve seen better.

Reveal: the Bishop’s office. JACK is seated at the desk and an eight year old girl in Sunday dress is seated across from him. The shot pans to the girl’s hands as she wipes them on her knees.

JACK BAUER: Your hands are sweating.

Girl: It’s not my fault.  I have a condition.

JACK BAUER: (Leaning over desk toward the girl) I don’t have time for this.  You wanna know what I think.  Let me tell you what I think.  I think you don’t really have a baby blessing to go to next Sunday.  I think you just don’t want to give a 2 ½ minute talk in Sacrament Meeting.  How about I call your father and see how your story checks out?

Girl: ( Shaking her head) No, don’t.

JACK BAUER:  That’s what I thought.  I’m giving you a second chance, and part of second chances is to take responsibility and make amends.  Be prepared on Sunday, and I expect to be moved.  Now get out of my sight.

Girl: ( Exits office)

JACK BAUER: (Grabs cell phone from inside suit coat.  Speaks into phone) Call Teri Bauer home.

Smash Cut: Camera shows phone ringing in dark, empty home.

Smash Cut: Back to JACK.

JACK BAUER: (Speaks into phone) D@$n! Call Teri Bauer Mobile (phone goes straight to voicemail)

(Walks quickly out of office into darkened hallway.  Speaking into phone): Call Kim Bauer (phone goes straight to voicemail) Son of a –

BROTHER YOUNG, old, balding man, first counselor in Bishopric:  (interrupting JACK in sickeningly sweet sing-song tone) Language, Bishop.

JACK BAUER: Sorry.

BROTHER YOUNG: Problem, Bishop?

JACK BAUER: Teri and Kim should have been back from the Young Women Temple trip two minutes ago, but I can’t reach them.

BROTHER YOUNG: They all probably went out for ice cream again.  I wouldn’t worry.

JACK BAUER: (Scoffs)  I wish I could believe that.  I really do. How can you be that naïve? Come with me.

BROTHER YOUNG: I really need to be getting home.

JACK BAUER: (Grabbing BROTHER YOUNG by the throat and pushing him against the wall) My wife and daughter are missing, and I will do whatever it takes to get them back!  You can either be part of the problem or part of the solution!  Your call!  But before you decide, think about how much you would enjoy spending the rest of your life handling the nursery.

BROTHER YOUNG: Alright, alright. Let’s go find your family.  Gosh, that hurt.

JACK BAUER: Follow me.

Camera shot: Scene shrinks to split screen.  Scenes showing phone in empty house and shot of the Bountiful Temple move into split screen.

Smash Cut: Digital Time Reading 9:06 PM.   Tick.  Tick.  Tick.

Straight Line of the Day: The Most Surprising Item in the New Vanity Fair Piece on President Obama…

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Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The most surprising item in the new Vanity Fair piece on President Obama…

Bam! Obama Is About to Lay the “Rethinking” Down on You!

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So now we’ve found out what happens when you cross Obama’s red line: He smacks you down with an epic rethinking of options! That’s right, Assad, you better watch out — Obama is about to rethink! Maybe even reconsider! If you believed you knew what Obama thought about his options before, well — BOOM! — that’s gone; he’s rethought them! Since you used chemical weapons, all the previous thinking is bye bye. Obama’s going to take all those options he’s had before and then think on them differently. You brought this on yourself, Assad. You brought this rethinking on you. Are you scared? If not, you better rethink that.

I hope no one who has nukes is watching this.

I Love Global Warming

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I just read that the next bad thing about Global Warming is that it will increase prostitution.  But wait, that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  My AGW model predicts the following positive benefits from increased prostitution.

  • Increased supply and competition will bring the prices down.  You won’t need to be a highly paid politician to afford Ashley Dupre.
  • With the increased supply, Democratic lawmakers will be too busy to bother governing anymore, which is good for everybody.
  • Menendez will no longer have to waste tax payer money flying to the third world to get cheap prostitutes.
  • Barney Frank will finally be able to expand his prostitution ring to include women.
  • Increased heroin and meth demand to supply the new gaggles of prostitutes will cause an economic boom in Mexico creating jobs that will draw illegal immigrants back to their homeland.
  • More prostitutes mean more pimps, which will create new jobs in the dilapidated inner cities.
  • With the new crop of second tier, less attractive escorts, the paper bag industry will thrive like never before.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.  Is there nothing Global Warming doesn’t make better?  Here’s to increasing carbon emissions until the globe is once more a tropical paradise from pole to pole.

[Cross posted at nuking Politics]

Random Thoughts: Political Correctness and Hot Chicks

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I don’t get the big deal about gay people in sports. As a kid, we always assumed everyone on the other team was gay.

“Don’t you hurt her or I will reconsider my options!”

It’s annoying how Obama avoids tough questions by saying, “Lemme finish my juice box!” and then drinks quietly for a minute from his juice.

Obama seems to have had some trouble with Congress. Has he tried whining about it? Oh, he has. How did that work out?

How about we let everyone out of Gitmo, give them 5 minutes head start, and then comes the drones!

As I understand it, there are no moral considerations in blowing people up with drones.

So when is Obamacare going to lower my premiums? It’s supposed to do that, right?

“Mr. President, so you’re just totally over jobs and the economy, right?”

We need to hunt down and expose every gay person in sports and then celebrate them.

I just finally played GTAIV a few months ago, and I’m really meh on the prospect of more.

Instead of trailers, just tell me whether they fixed the gameplay issues for GTAV. Like maybe checkpoints in the missions.

It was so annoying to spend 20 minutes in a mission, die near end, and then repeat the whole thing — 5 min of it eventless driving.

Be suspicious of anything where lots and lots of people are acting self-righteous.

I sympathize with liberals in that I also hate conservative politicians. I just hate them less than all the others.

Distrust of the “reasonable” Republicans is that their plans often seem to be:
PHASE 1: Elect squish
PHASE 2: ??
PHASE 3: ??

How excited can I get working to get some guy I don’t know or like a cushy job?

They changed the name from “global warming” to “climate change,” but we’re still supposed to be worried about the warming, right?

When I was kid, all the fear was directed at acid rain and the hole in the ozone. Whatever happened to those?

Is “political correctness” some sort of dog whistle?

Last person I remember denouncing political correctness was Dr. Ben Carson. That was epic.

For the good of the country, the Democrats should run on Obamacare and gun control in 2014.

BTW, I’ll work for the LA Times if people are quitting… as long as I don’t have to move to CA. *shudder*

I’ll write any sort of story that doesn’t require me to do any research. I have a strict “no research because it’s boring” policy.

I hope Christie will be one of the 2016 hopefuls because that will reduce the number of people in the primary debates due to stage weight limits.

How do you get these cushy newspaper jobs? I could be half as hacky as Paul Krugman for less than a quarter the price.

So has anyone been working on the problem of there not being enough hot chicks in political office?

I know the GOP has been focusing on getting more minority candidates, but hot chicks might also expand their appeal.

I don’t think “hot chicks” is a term we’re supposed to use anymore. What is the PC term for that?

“Redskins” does seem a bit too racist for the modern era. Maybe I am PC.

I think Malachi of Axe Cop fame is evolving as a storyteller. It makes him even more unpredictable.

I’m not sure waterboarding terrorists creates more terrorists, but waterboarding gremlins certainly creates more of them.