[High Praise! to Roger]
Archive of entries posted on 28th May 2013
Best Summary Yet of the IRS Scandal
[High Praise! to Hope n’ Change Cartoons]
As more information comes out about the IRS attack on conservatives and who knew what when (hint: everyone knew everything a long, long time ago), we can’t help but reflect on what the Obama team was saying in public during the run up to an already stolen election. Specifically, the president, the vice-president, the first lady, Eric Holder, and Janet Napolitano were all running around the country during the summer and autumn months of 2012 (AFTER the IRS scandal was presumably known to them) and telling people that the Tea Party was making moves to suppress the votes of Blacks with imaginary Jim Crow laws.
As is so often the case, the Government Leftists were falsely accusing us of the horrible deeds which they were genuinely doing to us in secret. The rat bastards.
Whatever the Opposite of Paul Krugman Is
[High Praise! to Stupid Is a Five Letter Word]
[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #1,747,270)
Stick with it, it’s not actually a boring British panel show on economics.
Proof That Obama Knows All the Answers
Link of the Day: PSA – Break the Silence
[High Praise! to Nuking Politics]
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
How the IRS Does Health Care
You’ve Been Judged!
Anonymiss of Nuking Politics picked her favorite punchlines to “The Reason Michelle Obama Is Considering an Extended Vacation…”
Click here to see if you made the cut.
If you did, you should probably email Keln about becoming a guest blogger there.
If you didn’t, Anonymiss has got another straight line for you to practice on.
Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.
Obama Warned Us – Obamacare
History is clear: Every time we’re in sight of reform, the special interests start fighting back with everything they’ve got. They use their influence. They run their ads. And let’s face it, they get people scared. And understandably — I understand why people are nervous. Health care is a big deal. In fact, whenever America has set about solving our toughest problems, there have always been those who’ve sought to preserve the status quo by scaring the American people. That’s what happened when FDR tried to pass Social Security — they said that was socialist. They did — verbatim. That’s what they said. They said that everybody was going to have to wear dog tags and that this was a plot for the government to keep track of everybody. When JFK and then Lyndon Johnson tried to pass Medicare, they said this was a government takeover of health care; they were going to get between you and your doctor — the same argument that’s being made today.
BARACK OBAMA, town hall meeting, Aug. 15, 2009
“By the way, Social Security IS socialist, Medicare IS a government takeover of health care, the government DOES get between you and your doctor, and Obamacare SHOULD make you scared, unless you’re in a coma – in which case you’ll soon be unplugged for bugetary reasons.”
Battle of the Sexes: The Nuking Politics Straight Line Challenge – Voting Open For 24 Hours
Previously on Battle of the Sexes: The Nuking Politics Straight Line Challenge…
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As you know, Anonymiss recently took over the Straight Line judging duties at Nuking Politics from Keln.
Now that Anonymiss is all settled in, she’s feeling a little feisty. After watching the “Spock vs. Spock Challenge” video, she announced:
I think the original straight line judge and the current straight line judge need to have a battle of wits.
Being the helpful type, I made the following offer:
I write a straight line.
Anonymiss & Keln each submit their best 10 answers.
I’ll post the lists at IMAO (without names) and ask the readers to vote for their favorite.
Winner gets gloating rights.
_______________
Here’s the straight line:
After Jon Stewart joked that Obama was a Muslim, President Obama “proved” he was a Christian by…
And here are the lists:
List #1:
1) …having the military paint a giant cross on the underside of every drone.
2) …performing the sign of the cross before bowing to other world leaders.
3) …appointing a Christian Navy chaplain instead of a marine to hold his umbrellas.
4) …declaring a new Crusade and invading Israel to “reclaim the holy land”.
5) …directing the military to reclassify the M67 grenade as “Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch Mk I”.
6) …putting the Christian fish symbol on his golf bag…but accidentally used the one with legs.
7) …declaring “Cinco de Cuatro” a holy day for Christians in America.
8) …sending the Queen of England a new iPod containing old spirituals, southern gospel, and Gregorian chant music.
9) …getting re-baptized in each of the 57 states.
10) …replacing his presidential portrait with a picture of Jesus.
List #2:
1) …living the tenets of his favorite scripture, John 16:3, everyday.
2) …minting his face on the Trillion Dollar Coin and changing his name to Caesar.
3) …committing the commandments to memory. “I’ve now memorized 57 commandments – I think one left to go.”
4) …upping the 7 Presidential pardons he was planning to 70 x 7.
5) …Loving our enemies, blessing those that curse us, doing good to those that hate us, praying for them which despitefully use us and persecute us, and bowing to them who want to kill us in our sleep.
6) …avenging the wrongful death of Jesus by ordering a drone strike on Israel.
7) …building an ark and filling it with two of every animal, without regard for race, religion, gender or sexual orientation.
8) …denouncing all Satanists, Atheists, Mormons, Tea Partiers, Ron Paul, Ayn Rand, Ross Perot, Thieves and Libertarians.
9) …ceasing to “kick against the pricks“. He didn’t learn that much from the AP phone taps anyway.
10) …asserting that his life was built on Biblical principles including: “this too shall pass”, “to thine own self be true”, and “never get involved in a land war in Asia”.
_______________
Please make your choice in the poll below.
NOTE: I will ask 3 things of you.
1) If you think you know whose list is whose, please don’t speculate about it in the comments.
2) If you think you know whose list is whose, please vote for the best list anyway.
3) Go ahead and leave your own punchlines in the comments, just like you would on any normal straight line (but do go easy on the blaspheming, as a courtesy to the Christian readers).
Voting ends tomorrow at noon. Winners announced tomorrow afternoon. May the best judge win.
Which list of punchlines did you like best?
- List #1 (54%, 83 Votes)
- List #2 (46%, 70 Votes)
Total Voters: 153
Loading ...Random Thoughts: Government, Baby Pajamas, and Arrested Development
If they found the “rogue employees” behind the IRS scandal, then perp walk ’em!
This week’s lesson: Only give the government power you’d be comfortable giving to vindictive, incompetent morons.
Without letting the left in charge every so often, our arguments about how awful the government could be would only be theoretical.
I just keep imagining a rain-soaked Obama screaming, “Who gave the stand down order?!”
I won’t be happy unless the IRS firings uses actual fire.
So, you passed me to get stuck behind the car in front of me going the exact same speed. I hope that was everything you dreamed it would be.
My 2.5 year old daughter actually uses better grammar than I do because memes.
Decided to circumcise my son. Don’t know anything about uncircumcised, so if he had questions, didn’t want to tell him to Google penises.
So new XBox will be called the XBox One? Wife’s reaction: “Seems like that would have been a better name for the first XBox.”
Maybe Obama should resign so we can get a president who is more on top of things.
People in government shouldn’t get to hide behind the Constitution. That was meant to protect us, not them.
If Lois Lerner won’t answer questions related to her government job, have the CIA waterboard her.
Because of the 2nd Amendment I can pronounce GIF any way I want.
Singers, please work on enunciating. Thank you.
Got Buttercup stuff for blowing colored bubbles. She decided instead to use the bubble liquid to dye the dog.
I forget; did Obama’s statement on the death of bin Laden begin with an excited, “You won’t believe what I just read on Twitter!”?
Obama could really strike fear into the heart of his citizenry by making drones that fly around auditing people.
I’m glad the guy in control of the drones that are flying around blowing people up is marginally on our side.
C batteries – for when you sorta want a big honking battery but can’t quite commit to that concept.
That’s the one battery we don’t keep a stockpile of because who uses those?
If I have to choose between these scandals making people turn against Obama or turn again big government, I’d pick the latter.
To watch the next episode of a series on Amazon Prime, it takes some scrolling and two clicks. I feel like I’m living in the Stone Age.
“I’d never do something so cruel as waterboard you or lock you in Gitmo.” ::blows guy up with drone:: -Obama as a badass
Republicans have been out to get Eric Holder ever since they realized he was corrupt and incompetent.
I don’t get welcoming someone with the word “Greetings!” Yes, you’re right; a greeting would be appropriate here. Come up with one.
On Hulu, I’ve been getting lots of ads for vacationing in California. “Visiting California; much better than living here.”
You’d think at least half of educational children’s programming would be devoted to the importance of not whining.
Oh, the husband and father, always on a never ending quest to sit down for a second.
I hate the baby pajamas that are made up of a million snaps. Getting the legs correct is a puzzle I can’t solve in the middle of the night.
How does Yahoo have money to buy stuff?
Someone needs to tell gangsta rappers that if someone is actually tough, he doesn’t need to keep informing everybody of that fact.
Just seems like there are a lot of insecurity issues in play in that genre.
The main reason pit bulls turn on their owners is finding out Beggin’ Strips isn’t really bacon.
Like the guy with the $200 a month cable bill is going to watch some canceled show on Netflix. Come on!
There’s always more episodes in the banana stand.
Arrested Development is dead. You killed it when you left the door open with the air conditioning on.
I am going to watch the episodes of Arrested Development like a TV show.
A man should know his own flaws better than anyone, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to compete with my wife on that.
Merle Haggard? Does someone named “Merle” come any other way?
All this pressure to be bright…
Has Obama released a statement about the new Arrested Development episodes yet?
I’m going to save my children a lot of stress by explaining to them that they’ll never get my approval so they won’t waste time trying.
No idea if these new Arrested Development episodes are as funny as the original; I just know that having them to watch is one of the greatest things ever.
I really have to wait until I’ve watched the fourth season of Arrested Development a third time to compare to previous seasons.
I feel like the people complaining about how this new season doesn’t quite compare to previous are really looking a gift horse in the mouth.
WE HAVE NEW ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT EPISODES, PEOPLE! BE HAPPY!
Maybe Netflix didn’t pay to register it, but at least Showstealer Pro is getting more publicity. It’s quality software.
I’d like to think Bob Dole wouldn’t be nominated again by today’s GOP, but the last two presidential nominees suggest otherwise.
Dinosaurs With Phasers – Is This Close Enough?
[High Praise! to Technabob]
Until we get finally get dinosaurs with rocket launchers, this will have to do:
