If they found the “rogue employees” behind the IRS scandal, then perp walk ’em!

This week’s lesson: Only give the government power you’d be comfortable giving to vindictive, incompetent morons.

Without letting the left in charge every so often, our arguments about how awful the government could be would only be theoretical.

I just keep imagining a rain-soaked Obama screaming, “Who gave the stand down order?!”

I won’t be happy unless the IRS firings uses actual fire.

So, you passed me to get stuck behind the car in front of me going the exact same speed. I hope that was everything you dreamed it would be.

My 2.5 year old daughter actually uses better grammar than I do because memes.

Decided to circumcise my son. Don’t know anything about uncircumcised, so if he had questions, didn’t want to tell him to Google penises.

So new XBox will be called the XBox One? Wife’s reaction: “Seems like that would have been a better name for the first XBox.”

Maybe Obama should resign so we can get a president who is more on top of things.

People in government shouldn’t get to hide behind the Constitution. That was meant to protect us, not them.

If Lois Lerner won’t answer questions related to her government job, have the CIA waterboard her.

Because of the 2nd Amendment I can pronounce GIF any way I want.

Singers, please work on enunciating. Thank you.

Got Buttercup stuff for blowing colored bubbles. She decided instead to use the bubble liquid to dye the dog.

I forget; did Obama’s statement on the death of bin Laden begin with an excited, “You won’t believe what I just read on Twitter!”?

Obama could really strike fear into the heart of his citizenry by making drones that fly around auditing people.

I’m glad the guy in control of the drones that are flying around blowing people up is marginally on our side.

C batteries – for when you sorta want a big honking battery but can’t quite commit to that concept.

That’s the one battery we don’t keep a stockpile of because who uses those?

If I have to choose between these scandals making people turn against Obama or turn again big government, I’d pick the latter.

To watch the next episode of a series on Amazon Prime, it takes some scrolling and two clicks. I feel like I’m living in the Stone Age.

“I’d never do something so cruel as waterboard you or lock you in Gitmo.” ::blows guy up with drone:: -Obama as a badass

Republicans have been out to get Eric Holder ever since they realized he was corrupt and incompetent.

I don’t get welcoming someone with the word “Greetings!” Yes, you’re right; a greeting would be appropriate here. Come up with one.

On Hulu, I’ve been getting lots of ads for vacationing in California. “Visiting California; much better than living here.”

You’d think at least half of educational children’s programming would be devoted to the importance of not whining.

Oh, the husband and father, always on a never ending quest to sit down for a second.

I hate the baby pajamas that are made up of a million snaps. Getting the legs correct is a puzzle I can’t solve in the middle of the night.

How does Yahoo have money to buy stuff?

Someone needs to tell gangsta rappers that if someone is actually tough, he doesn’t need to keep informing everybody of that fact.

Just seems like there are a lot of insecurity issues in play in that genre.

The main reason pit bulls turn on their owners is finding out Beggin’ Strips isn’t really bacon.

Like the guy with the $200 a month cable bill is going to watch some canceled show on Netflix. Come on!

There’s always more episodes in the banana stand.

Arrested Development is dead. You killed it when you left the door open with the air conditioning on.

I am going to watch the episodes of Arrested Development like a TV show.

A man should know his own flaws better than anyone, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to compete with my wife on that.

Merle Haggard? Does someone named “Merle” come any other way?

All this pressure to be bright…

Has Obama released a statement about the new Arrested Development episodes yet?

I’m going to save my children a lot of stress by explaining to them that they’ll never get my approval so they won’t waste time trying.

No idea if these new Arrested Development episodes are as funny as the original; I just know that having them to watch is one of the greatest things ever.

I really have to wait until I’ve watched the fourth season of Arrested Development a third time to compare to previous seasons.

I feel like the people complaining about how this new season doesn’t quite compare to previous are really looking a gift horse in the mouth.

WE HAVE NEW ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT EPISODES, PEOPLE! BE HAPPY!

Maybe Netflix didn’t pay to register it, but at least Showstealer Pro is getting more publicity. It’s quality software.

I’d like to think Bob Dole wouldn’t be nominated again by today’s GOP, but the last two presidential nominees suggest otherwise.