Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
The worst part about the new Lone Ranger movie…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
The worst part about the new Lone Ranger movie…
The worst part about the new Lone Ranger movie…
Johnny Depp oppressed Native Americans by stealing a movie role from them.
The worst part about the new Lone Ranger movie…
is you can’t make up a punchline for something you didn’t see.
The worst part about the new Lone Ranger movie…
They made a new Lone Ranger movie? Box office receipts suggest otherwise.
The worst part about the new Lone Ranger movie…
…they might try a sequel.
…Millions of foreigners will have this as their view of the American West.
…not enough spandex.
…was that it was made in the first place.
…was that part between the opening and closing credits.
…was the huge carbon footprint left by that steaming pile of $h!te.
… you need two columns for this. one for those who didn’t see it. one for those who did….i guess you only need one after all.
The worst part about the new Lone Ranger movie…
…Hollywood wasted $250 million it could have invested in getting another empty suit elected President.
On second thought, that might be the BEST part of the movie.
The law of the Texas Rangers be more guidelines than and actual code.
The Lone Ranger finds out that “Kemosabe” is indian for “Same Sex Domestic Partner.”
Gigli is starting to look good.
They used the ‘Baby Elephant Walk’ as the theme instead of the ‘William Tell Overture.’
When they’re surrounded by indians and the Lone Ranger tells Tonto, ‘It looks like we’ve had it this time.’ and Depp responds, ‘Whaddya mean ‘we’ white man.’
John Kerry going to China as the Loan Arranger.
…the exploding ladders that make me afraid to change a light bulb.
The worst part about the new Lone Ranger movie…
It beat out such straight lines as Eliot Spitzer’s ‘Most Satisfying Thing for Me Ever Is Public Service’.
The worst part about the new Lone Ranger movie…
It didn’t have great lyrics like.
“The mystery masked man was smart
He got himself a Tonto
‘Cause Tonto did the dirty work for free
But Tonto he was smarter
And one day said kemo sabe
Kiss my ass I bought a boat
I’m going out to sea.”
Keith Richards special appearance as Tonto’s father, Chief MumblesIncoherently.
… effeminate cowboys was already covered in Brokeback Mountain.
… the phrase “heigh-ho silver, away!” line was cut because it offended drug legalization advocates, women, and gold bugs.
Grrrr… make that:
… the “heigh-ho silver, away!” line was cut because it offended drug legalization advocates, women, and gold bugs.
The worst part about the new Lone Ranger movie…was everything between the “Please silence your cell phones” ad and the closing credit that read, “Jimmy Crupinzski, special assisant to the assistant to the caterer.”
The worst part about the new Lone Ranger movie…
…it lost out to a repeat of a “Go-Go Gophers” episode. “Whoopee Doopee! You-um genius!!”
… Johnny Depp will have to search a long time to find a role that offers more makeup than his last four.
…was, back at the ranch, when Tonto didn’t realize that the Lone Ranger was disguised as a pool table and racked his balls.
That people paid money to see it
It failed to portray the successful liberal immigration policies and amnesty programs of the Comanche tribe.
The worst part about the new Lone Ranger movie…
Johnny Depp’s misbegotten “Homage” to Tippi Hedren.
…when Tonto pulled the string-ring on the back of the Lone Ranger, he said, ‘There’s a snake in my boot.”
When Tonto said, ‘Did you appall any more critics today?” the Lone Ranger responded, “Day ain’t over yet.”
…that Captain Jack didn’t bother to sober up for the new role.
…was when Alan Smithee changed his name.
. . . is the make-out scene between Snookie and Roseanne Barr.
. . . is the fact that the tickets for it didn’t have exemptions from the “Affordable Care Act” printed on their backs.
. . . is that the theatres showing it could have been showing “Animal House” or “Harold and Maude” instead.
…was the cut scene where granny (played by Amanda Bynes) had her hands full beating off the Indians.
@36 Literally? 🙂
…was when Tonto changes his name to “Dances with George Takei.”
….gay cowboys eating pudding.
@FormerHostage #36 – “Ug!”
they could have been showing The Hobbit instead.
(Hey, I haven’t seen it yet.)
The worst part about the new Lone Ranger movie…
is that Johnny Depp does for Native Americans what Eddie Cantor did for African Americans.
@ myself. My bad, not Eddie Cantor but Al Jolson. Silly me.
The worst part about the new Lone Ranger movie…
…there’s actually a second ranger, so he’s not quite ‘Lone’.
…Tonto’s aunt is played by Elizabeth Warren.
…the tribute to Brokeback Mountain scene.
@CCO #41 – They could only show the “Ho,” the “bbit’ part hasn’t been released yet.
…was when Depp woke up in the lodge and realized it was all a dream
…was that it was filmed in 1-D, and no one got the glasses
…was that I could see the subliminal messaging telling me to vote for Hillary
…was that they didn’t have Clint Eastwood star in it, since they knew that any western without him would just be disappointing
…was all the laughter and cheering you could hear from the theaters on bosh sides of mine. Damn you Despicable me 2!!
…was how they kept their base camp at the Apache Casino and Resort, in the penthouse
…due to the sequester, the horse’s name is Pewter.
…Johnny Depp’s portrayal of Tonto is so bad that the Washington Redskins find it offensive.
…is that the masked man in question was the embarrassed patron who actually watched it.
…Trigger. Finger. Stuffed and mounted horse. Silver on the rise..
…even Jim Carrey thinks the Lone Ranger is a wuss about guns.
…instead of a 10 gallon hat, the Lone Ranger was only allowed a 16 oz. one.
…was that it wasn’t direct to DVD.
…was the best joke was when asked why his hair was falling out, Tonto replied, “Chemo, Sabe”.
…the campfire scene, to appease the global warming alarmists, featured a sweaty Hillary Clinton flapping her arms.
…Tonto’s secret weapon was the Gatling guano gun.
… was that it made “John Carter” look like good business sense by Disney in comparison.
… is that the professionally perpetually offended pundits don’t even bother, claiming that the film is just patently offensive to human intelligence let alone any of their pet causes.
… is that it makes “Dances With Wolves” feel short, “Gigli” to be well-acted, “Howard the Duck” to be well-written, and “Ted” to be family-friendly.
What is with that thing on Depp’s head, anyway???
His ego?
The worst part about the new Lone Ranger movie…
…Tonto doesn’t transform into anything cool.
…is that it’s a Progressive Trope, that NOBODY will see!
…Hollywood wasted $250 million that could have been better wasted on green energy programs.
…producers had to greenlight the script to find out what’s in it.
…the producers think that it failed because they didn’t spend enough money.
…not enough overt leftist agenda references.
…the Lone Ranger used normal bullets, which now cost more and are harder to find than silver ones.
…that scene where Tanto filled a hostile work environment lawsuit against the Lone Ranger and demanded healthcare.
…in the Bluray release, all the guns have been taken out with CGI and replaced with festive sparklers.
…if you squint hard, Tanto’s head kinda looks like Jar Jar Binks’
…it’s the first movie that was done entirely via telecommuting.
…that whole side story when the Lone Ranger has to wait 10 days to purchase his revolver.
…due to new regulations, the Lone Ranger could only load 5 rounds into his 6-shooter or the movie could not be screened in N.Y. or California.
…Johnny Depp refusing to do any promotion after seeing the movie and realizing there were guns in it.
…Johnny Depp thinking that “red face” isn’t racist.
…is that I can see how having Joel Schumacher direct it would have made it better.
…that “I can’t quit you” scene at the end. Awkward….
…that they let Johnny Depp play an American Indian character, and an effeminate girly man play a strong masculine character, and yet, no part for Al Jolson.
…clearly, it was made when all of Hollywood was too busy getting Obama elected
…it demonstrates that even when an entire movie is set up so that a big-name actor playing a supporting role can steal the show, some shows just aren’t worth stealing.
…some people STILL paid to see it
…they didn’t spend enough money on Facebook “likes” for the movie to be considered a success.
…they missed the peak of the gay cowboy genre by like 10 years
…more people watched the entire Terra Nova marathon than this movie
…it makes “The Room” look like “Citizen Kane”
… is that it suffered catastrophic Injun failure.
… is the sequel: “The Lone Ranger 2: Snakes on a Plain.”
… is the prequel: “How Do We Get Rid Of This $250 Million??”
… was its alternate title, “Thelma and Cochise”
…the sequel will be called “Lone Ranger 2: The Rangening”
… was the photo op at the premier, where the Lone Ranger met the Lone Viewer.
… is that it’ll be in theaters for a few more weeks. Haven’t we had enough marathon bombings for one year?
Tonto is gay.
… is that Janet Napolitano thought it was a documentary about border security.
…is that everyone involved in making it – the actors, the producers, the guy that tapes down the cords so nobody trips, the guy that makes sure that the peanut bowl is full of peanuts at the snack table, the out-of-focus extra in the deep deep background, the guy that makes copies, the janitor, everyone in the credits, and even those people that weren’t entitled to a credit but were still involved….EVERY ONE OF THEM probably voted Democrat.
wow. I’m kind of depressed now.
is that depp’s character should have been called “azzhat” instead of ‘tonto”
The worst part about the new Lone Ranger movie…
that even this Turkey couldn’t be saved by adding Bacon and Avocado.
The worst part about the new Lone Ranger movie… That silly Crow (*)> trashed the highways and byways of our memories ；_・(
…The ‘French Mistake’ and fight scene at the end.
I was a Lone Ranger fan for all of my formative years. I took one look at the adverts and trailers for the crap they decided to film and barfed. Not funny? Sorry.
@73 Wouldn’t that have improved it?
…more people saw the YouTube video that caused all that ruckus in Benghazi.
… is that they didn’t even try to work in the old ‘someone steal tent’ gag for Tonto.
It was way longer than a Kardashian marriage.
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