Thyme flies when you’re overnighting spices.

Some scientists think humans can basically be viewed as biological spam bots constantly promoting itself.

“But when communicating through keyboards, we won’t have visual cues to detect crazy people.”
“That’s why I added the Caps Lock button.”

Has Obama released a statement yet on @Horse_ebooks or is that useless jerk out golfing once again?

Maybe we should end the presidency and be ruled by local warlords. Why did we ever get rid of the warlord system in the first place?

Who is going to be more attune to your problems: Some president faraway in D.C. or a local warlord?

Stop putting pictures of Miley Cyrus in the news. She creeps me out. Thank you.

Only way defunding Obamacare will work is if Cruz can convince Harry Reid to drop voting requirements in favor of a martial arts tournament.

Come on, Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD, all the hopes and dreams of this country now rest on you.

If you’re going to do a really long filibuster and want some attention, design some big song and dance number for it.

And if they’re like, “Senate rules say no dancing!” you can get all Footloose on them.

Not to have big expectations, but I expect history to read, “U.S. was in a slump for over a twelve years, but then Joss Whedon’s new show premiered…”

For the record, I’m one of those now paying less for health insurance due to Obamacare… because I had to get lesser insurance.

The insurance plan I like, the company decided they couldn’t offer it anymore because of the impending “cadillac” tax.

New York City had a good run.

I don’t believe in science. Never seen it. Just guys in white coats who claim they’ve seen it but it’s locked in some lab I’m not allowed in.