Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
A new IRS rule raises taxes on waitress’s tips. Next to be targeted…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
A new IRS rule raises taxes on waitress’s tips. Next to be targeted…
Mohel’s tips.
…cow tipping
…profits from lemonade stands
@1 – that’s just nasty
cellulite deposits
…those little umbrellas in tropical drinks.
…FAQ’s
… heroes in movies will have to pay a toll before entering the bad guy’s castle/dungeon/condo to rescue the damsel in distress.
… astronauts will have to pay an Orbit Tax for every time they circle the Earth.
… the IRS will charge a tax for getting to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
… cookies !!!
…beef tips.
…Q-Tips.
…the “Take a penny, leave a penny” dish.
…saying “thank you!” will require filing IRS Form 1040 Schedule-ASS.
Laundromats — add a 1/2-cent tax to each quarter.
Gas station tire pump — add 1/2-cent tax to each pound of air.
… strip clubs. IRS auditors reportedly stated knife-fights to see who would get that assignment.
… apples given to teachers.
… graft given to Congressm… hahahahahhahahah… sorry, couldn’t do that with a straight face.
…panhandling hobos.
… cookie prizes to winners of SLotD.
… promotional give-away items at baseball games. (“Little Timmy, I know you like your new bobblehead doll, but the IRS man say you need to pay $5 to keep it.”)
A new IRS rule raises taxes on waitress’s tips. Next to be targeted…
Advice.
people who are tipsy
your undocumented nanny
flowers you give your date.
[as an aside GIVE UNTAXED COOKIES< OR GIVE ME DEATH!]
…thumb tacks, carpet tacks, upholstry tacks and any other tacks sold at Target.
@Jimmy #9
or
…IRS Form 1040 Schedule-ArmAndLeg
A new IRS rule raises taxes on waitress’s tips. Next to be targeted…
being over par. {Yes Obama gets a waiver}
A new IRS rule raises taxes on waitress’s tips. Next to be targeted…
Let me tell you how it will be
There’s one for you, nineteen for me
‘Cause I’m the taxman, yeah, I’m the taxman
Should five per cent appear too small
Be thankful I don’t take it all
‘Cause I’m the taxman, yeah I’m the taxman
If you drive a car, I’ll tax the street,
If you try to sit, I’ll tax your seat.
If you get too cold I’ll tax the heat,
If you take a walk, I’ll tax your feet.
Don’t ask me what I want it for
If you don’t want to pay some more
‘Cause I’m the taxman, yeah, I’m the taxman
Now my advice for those who die
Declare the pennies on your eyes
‘Cause I’m the taxman, yeah, I’m the taxman
And you’re working for no one but me.
A new IRS rule raises taxes on waitress’s tips. Next to be targeted…
the smile on your face and the song in your heart.
…texting… (now that one might sting)
A new IRS rule raises taxes on waitress’s tips. Next to be targeted…
your systems of belief, unless they are approved by the State.
A new IRS rule raises taxes on waitress’s tips. Next to be targeted…
Sexting, that will hurt some Democrats.
… the amount you should’ve tipped if you weren’t so frackin’ stingy
A new IRS rule raises taxes on waitress’s tips. Next to be targeted…
tweeting pictures of your private parts.
…benefits under obamacare
A new IRS rule raises taxes on waitress’s tips. Next to be targeted…
“So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I’m a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald… striking. So, I’m on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one – big hitter, the Lama – long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga… gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the 18th and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, “Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.” So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.” …and it will be taxed!
…50% tax on all discounts at retail stores. Hey! We’re just passing your savings on to us!
(The IRS just called… they’re offering me a job.)
A new IRS rule raises taxes on waitress’s tips. Next to be targeted…
whatever that hasn’t been taxed already shall be taxed, including your taxes by item, all of them tax as infinitum.
all of the taxed ad infinitum. Geez!
A new IRS rule raises taxes on waitress’s tips. Next to be targeted…
sofa change.
…children’s allowances.
…money the tooth fairy leaves
A new IRS rule raises taxes on waitress’s tips. Next to be targeted…
…Hooters servers’ tits – I mean tips.
…waiters’ tips.
…bartenders’ tips.
…strippers’ tips.
…stockbrokers’ tips.
…money in your cookie jar.
…cookies in your cookie jar. Nooooooooooooooo!
A new IRS rule raises taxes on waitress’s tips. Next to be targeted… are the… why is that drone following me?
…are business travelers, who will be held to strict reporting standards for use of complimentary Continental Breakfasts at motels, inns and hotels worldwide, including cost escalators for fats and refined sugars, and a discount factor for any chicory-based beverage consumption.
…donations to the “Orphans and Widows of the Syrian Civil War”
…all people with last names that begin with A M E R C I or A
…free lunches (NO COOKIES FOR YOU POOR KIDS)
ignore the second one its monday
Straight Line of the Day: A New IRS Rule Raises Taxes on Waitress’s Tips. Next to Be Targeted…
allowances. After that, Christmas presents. After that, newborn babies (the birth tax.) Honestly, it never ends.
…homemade cookies (you didn’t bake that!).
…walrus tusks
“little Jimmy pockets”
(“Get dem hands outta dem pockets!”)
…candy given to orphans.
…your IRS tax refund.
…dynamic link libraries
… the hair on your head (the real reason we lose our hair as we get older).
…targets.
… GDFT! YLTATSOTE!
…more Bacon! bailouts for plentyobailouts!
…bellybutton lint. And bellybutton lint removal. And staring at your bellybutton wondering how to get out of paying one of those taxes.
…after tax profits and wages, if they knew there was such a thing earlier there would be no such thing.
…that voice in your head. Living there rent free doesn’t mean his taxes are imaginary too.
…hobos buried in your backyard. (AKA the Conservative In More Than Name Only Tax)
…burnt cookies. Not only carbon calamities but crimes against humanity.
…
A new IRS rule raises taxes on waitress’s tips. Next to be targeted…
Squeegeemen
A new IRS rule raises taxes on waitress’s tips. Next to be targeted…
Those guys at the off ramps selling oranges
A new IRS rule raises taxes on waitress’s tips. Next to be targeted…
The disabled Vet sitting outside Wal-Mart selling “poppies” for Veterans Day — lots of untaxed money there.
A new IRS rule raises taxes on waitress’s tips. Next to be targeted…
And when he had opened the third seal, I heard the third beast say, Come and see. And I beheld, and lo a black horse; and he that sat on him had a pair of balances in his hand. And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts say, A measure of wheat for a penny, and three measures of barley for a penny; and see thou hurt not the oil and the wine. Hey, that oil and wine needs taxin’!
. . . money-off coupons used at the grocery store
. . . the money that you get back on your bottles at the recycling center
Waitress’s tits.
SOC BENEFITS
A new IRS rule raises taxes on waitress’s tips. Next to be targeted…
Duran Duran, INXS, The Cure, Human League, R.E.M and a bunch of other new wave bands.
… 10% of all money found on the sidewalk and in couch cushions.
… bacon. (This will generally be referenced in future textbooks as the primary cause of the second American Civil War.)
… crime-stopper tips.
A new IRS rule raises taxes on waitress’s tips. Next to be targeted…
… the greenhouse gases you exhale and (ahem) emit. In related news, H&R Block says giving up broccoli will save you 15% on your taxes in the first year alone.
… the quarter your grandpa pulls out of your ear.
… tips on a good horse in the third race at Pimlico.
… sunlight.
A new IRS rule raises taxes on waitress’s tips. Next to be targeted…
the money you make in your dreams.
A new IRS rule raises taxes on waitress’s tips. Next to be targeted…
…Tipper Gore and her husband — finally.
…givers of tips — under a new gift tax.
…tips of the icebergs.
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