Straight Line of the Day: IBM Is Developing a Computer Chip That Mimics the Human Brain. Potential Uses Include…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

IBM is developing a computer chip that mimics the human brain. Potential uses include…

59 Comments

  1. … spontaneous crying for no reason

    … holding two ears apart

    … enough intelligence to avoid IBM products

    … an overhead light that comes on when ideas occur

    … not Biden (I’m sure there are a few 8088’s or 80186’s around that could emulate him, unless they still use them in microwave ovens)

  2. Being sauteed in butter with mushrooms
    Voting Democrat in place of all those cases where an I.D. is an undue burden on the underprivileged
    Counting Democrat votes in underprivileged districts
    Representing Voters in Democrat districts
    Skynet (All of the above, in other words)

  3. Potential uses include modeling a computer after brain of the “Smartest Woman in the World”, Hillary Clinton. But all it would do is respond to any query with “I don’t remember” and “What does it matter now?”

  4. …allowing guys to pay attention when they are not paying attention.

    …stuff that puts food on the table while the most important thing, SHOES!!! can be always on your mind.

    …finding a way to make sure nobody ever thinks of a way to mimic Steve Jobs’ brain.

    …having the chip work on potential uses while spending most of the time playing solitaire.

    …finding a cure for computer chips thinking they have a clue and developing a chip to give therapy to depressed computer chips.

  5. . . . replacing Reggie Love as Obama’s opponent for game of spades, once they dumb it down enough that Obama can win occasionally.

    . . . giving Chris Matthews thrills down his leg on demand.

    . . . writing New York Times editorials and Maureen Dowd’s columns.

  6. IBM is developing a computer chip that mimics the human brain. Potential uses include…

    going on strike immediately for a minimum wage of $15 an hour.

    saying “hold my beer and watch this…”

    having a headache when you want to surf porn

    jonesin’ for cookies

    doing stupid things, but only much, much faster.

    getting bored half way though any episode of “Upstairs, Downstairs”.

  7. … a Mexican simulator: AI-yi, yi-yi!

    (…also known as an Az-tech device. Or an AzatLAN. A Mayandroid.)

    Getting back to the main premise here. . . .

    … making Turing testy.

    … a sentient computer to control human-manned space missions: what could conceivably go wrong?

  8. IBM is developing a computer chip that mimics the human brain. Potential uses include…

    a door stop.

    a 24 hour Nagger so your wife can get some sleep.

    nobody’s going to go to school today, she’s gonna make everyone stay at home.

  9. IBM is developing a computer chip that mimics the human brain. Potential uses include …

    … an android nanny who won’t smack Joe Biden when he soils himself.

    … something patient enough to explain to liberals why Al Gore is so full of sh!t.

    … FINALLY understanding ObamaCare.

    … telling Hillary in small, simple words why it matters.

    … foreign policy based on coherent principles rather than a verbal faux pas.

  10. Pingback: IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged!

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