What idiot called it U2 instead of W
— Spooky Nips (@StevieKnip) October 21, 2014
Dear girls, It is not cold in here. You’re just a girl.
— blopt (@blopt) October 21, 2014
me: goodnight moon :)
moon: night<3
me: goodnight stars :)
moon: wtf
me: sry wrongnumber
moon: whos stars
moon: who is stars
moon: answer me
— jomny sun (@jonnysun) October 21, 2014
If Renée Zelwegger felt insecure about her face, imagine how she'd feel about your face.
— Neal Brennan (@nealbrennan) October 21, 2014
"Honey, where's the _________?" – Men
— Tony (@Tmoney68) October 21, 2014
commercial for Twitter:
[footage of a man with a baseball bat ferociously beating a dead horse]
NARRATOR: Twitter.
— Ristolable (@Ristolable) October 21, 2014
I SEE A RED DOOR & I WANT IT PAINTED BLACK
no problem Mr Jagg-
NO COLORS ANY MORE I WANT THEM TO TURN BLACK
wait so like the whole house?
— dan mentos (@DanMentos) October 21, 2014
Just set up my iPhone with my AmEx card, so now I'm ready. But, I refuse to use their pig latin. I'm calling the system; "Papple." Join me!
— Penn Jillette (@pennjillette) October 22, 2014
dan mentos’s tweet reminded me of this humorous story.
Back in the early/mid 1960s, my dad was in the US Navy. One of the enlisted guys he knew at the time had been living with his wife and kids in a rented house off base. He got transfer orders, and during the preparation to move he contacted his landlord. His lease specified that he was expected to repaint the interior of the house during his stay. He had done so over the course of his stay, but the landlord was insisting he had to do it after moving out. He went to the base legal department, where the landlord was known for playing fast and loose with military personnel’s leases, especially when it came to deposit refunds. The base legal team looked over the lease, and told the man to not worry about it, they would take care of it. After he left, the base sent a paint team to the house. They spray painted EVERYTHING in the house, windows, floors, walls, ceiling, cabinets, fixtures, toilet, sink, EVERYTHING, flat black. It seems the lease specified that the “interior” was to be repainted, and no color was specified, nor was there any “guidance” about what items should not be painted. Then they black listed that landlord. Sometimes, karma gets a little help.