Which is your favorite korea mine is south
— jonnifer lopez (@senderblock23) January 2, 2015
Barack Obama chasing Joe Biden chasing a cat chasing a laser pointer
— some light crying (@somelightcrying) January 3, 2015
if a baby is born in international waters it is totally legal to fight that baby
— john freiler (@johnfreiler) January 3, 2015
[hosting bodybuilding awards]
tough crowd tonight
— Beard Spice (@BeardSpice) January 4, 2015
[gameshow]
Host: so, tell us a bit about yourself
Me with my hand over my mic, whispering into host's ear: can the police see this?
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) January 4, 2015
I left my last boyfriend because he wouldn't stop counting. I often wonder what he's up to now.
— Kooch (@Koochykooh) January 4, 2015
okay okay let's turn this home back into a house, I think everyone's gotten a bit too comfortable
— Seth Simons (@sasimons) January 4, 2015
Warning! Bad guys can hack your bathroom mirror now, make sure the reflection is really you before you give them your banking details.
— MKupperman (@MKupperman) January 4, 2015
Me: Is there a place to get pizza around here?
Girl who has been to Europe: I have been to Europe
— shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) January 5, 2015
Hell hath no fury like a SUPER HELL!!
— shelby fero (@shelbyfero) January 5, 2015