In Massachusetts, a high school was put on lockdown after a student waved a stapler around, which some students thought was a gun.
Obviously we need a new law limiting the max capacity of your Swingline to 10 staples.
In Massachusetts, a high school was put on lockdown after a student waved a stapler around, which some students thought was a gun.
Obviously we need a new law limiting the max capacity of your Swingline to 10 staples.
The end will never come when any object can be considered a gun. Can liberals ban all objects? Will they try to?
I have always said that a stapler was designed to twist and mangle small bits of metal, even when it is working properly! Let’s add a fifteen day waiting period on the purchase!
And possibly the ability to sue stapler manufacturers for any “accidents”.
Mike, are you kidding me?!! Staplers should require full, Federal and State background checks prior to purchase! Anyone guilty of a Class-A misdemeanor or worse should not be permitted to own one! This includes anyone convicted or suspected of committing acts of domestic violence – or buying more than one ream of paper at a time..
Jimmy: A ream of paper?? There’s no sporting purpose in having more than five sheets of paper at a time! If you can’t write an essay, a letter to your mom or major legislation in just five sheets, then you have no business trying!
They’ll take my red Swingline from me when they pry it from my cold, dead hands.
@4 Mike – 5 sheets of paper? I don’t think you understand that most of us experience full recreational value with hundreds of sheets of paper at a time. I’m willing to draw the line at a ream, however, because I think most sensible people can be trusted with that much, but any more than that is just plain dangerous and suggests possible criminal intent! With only five sheets, I’d be constantly hunting around for more. BTW, the same holds true for toilet paper. 12-packs of TP are a safe purchase for most law-abiding citizens! Get off my lawn!
You’re overlooking the stationery-store loophole. And bulldogs — the high-capacity clip.
“New Scrutiny Placed On So-Called ‘Cop-Killer’ Staplers”
– New York Times, above the fold
..
Comprehensive,
Common-Sense Legislation Needed
For Sharpened Steel Implements
That Can Be Used To Connect Documents
That May Contain Violent Messages
-WSJ Editorial
..
It’s scary how easy it is to think like a liberal.
Oppo, bulldog clips are terrorist weapons and should either be banned completely or used exclusively for clamping little kid’s noses, mouths and fingers. (I remember doing that with my two kids with big bulldogs and making them laugh. Of course, at the time, I was also buying half-dozen reams of paper at a time for which I am truly sorry, Mike, as the glaciers are melting, my house is now full of CO2 at 120°F, all the animals are dead and the well dried-up. This may well be my last communication…)
@6 Jimmy: There’s no way our Founding Fathers could have envisioned paper readily available in 500 sheet packages. Just as the First Amendment covers only hand cranked presses, high capacity reams of papers are only useful in assault presses and black mimeo machines.
@10 Mike – But the Founders overall intent was clearly stated in the “right to keep and bear armloads…” clause of the 2nd amendment. Just because today’s paper is so neatly packaged doesn’t void my clearly-stated right to all the paper I might need, prettily packaged or not! Besides, today’s high-speed laser printers and copiers make yesterday’s assault presses look like child’s play. You’ll notice THEY’re not restricted in anyway! How do you think those high-capacity machines are fed, anyway? One sheet at a time? Pfffft.
Jimmy: I’d rather have paper in the hands of the people rather than the government when the sheet hits the fan!
Democratic Party Proposes Foolscap Legislation, Limiting Paper to Ten Sheets Per Household Per Annum
Each Sheet To Be Engraved With Owner’s Name and SSN
“If Shredders Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Have Shredders,” says NPA
‘Shred Menace’ Declared By Wasserman-Schultz
Husband Admits Owning Majority Stock In International Paper Inc.
Taxes To Rise To Cover Costs
“I’m A Lumberjack … Wagon” Quips Biden
Women, Children, Trying to Hand-Make Christmas Cards, Hit Hardest
U.N. Commission on Pay-Per-View Involved For Some Reason
@13: I heard that proposed legislation is 32,767 pages thick, even thicker than the proposed TPP act’s 11,000+ pages!
Anybody tries to come after my paper will get a three hole punch in the nads.
Oh yeah, and I do have an actual staple gun. It probably can’t put your eye out but it could give you one heck of an owwee.
Pikers! You haven’t even addressed the problem of AUTOMATIC staplers that can staple multiple time per ONE PUSH! Can you imagine the carnage one of those would cause in a school full of children?
I have one of those so-called Assault Staplers! And if the Feds every come and try to take it from me….. bam! Two right in the spine!
http://www.wotol.com/images/thumbs/800×800/348255_6e9af515e177691119726a2895f1ea6a.jpg
This discussion is not over! We haven’t even touched on the inherent dangers of staple removers! Those devices, with their jaw-like action and ginormous canines, are a serious menace to little children, especially when dad’s go around making them act like little PacMan monsters in their kid’s faces. The horror!
“It’s commin’ to getcha!” (*clamp clamp clamp*)
A ban on staplers is not enough. All devices for attaching things to other things MUST be banned. For the Children!
The student’s lament:
♪♫ ♪♫ ♪♫
Swingline
S.W.A.T. chariot
Comin’ for to carry me home . . .”
♪♫ ♪♫ ♪♫
Lumberg was the original liberal stapler-grabber. Milton’s was the appropriate response.
Trigger warning: sometimes staples are found in high-volume magazines!
In Massachusetts? Egad — it could have been the Bostitch Massacre!
Out here in the West, we glorify these types of weapons. Ever hear of the Staples Center?
Yeahbut, Mike, don’t EVEN start discussing nail guns and staple guns and large-scale industrial fastening machines (which are just deadly weapons of mass-construction!). I shudder to think of the 12 year-old boys (and even girls…shudder) who are now completely versed in the use of those dangerous devices thanks to their derelict Dads!!