So someone said New York values are horrible and then New Yorkers voted overwhelmingly for Hillary and Trump?

Software I wrote, either work or don’t work. Don’t sometimes work. That’s the worst. Don’t do that.

It feels like with transgenderism the left didn’t even attempt due diligence in explaining what’s going on before screaming, “Bigots!”

The trans issue isn’t just going against culture but also basic science knowledge everyone was taught. That takes a lot of explanation.

Sometimes it seems like Trump’s only reference of how a conservative thinks is Stephen Colbert.

If Justin Trudeau is so great, why does he still live in Canada?

I don’t celebrate Earth Day. It’s rather jingoistic we fetishize this planet just because we happened to be born on it.

Neil deGrasse Tyson’s superhero name is Captain Actually.

According to ancient legend, there will one day be another Game of Thrones book.

I haven’t watched any of Game of Thrones – only read the books – so I’ll catch up on the story sometime in 2045.

Let felons vote. And own guns. No reason to do rights piecemeal.

So is Han Solo going to appear as a force ghost in the next episode? “Use the smarm, Finn.”

The parties’ presidential choices say a lot.
Dems: “Ignore anything we’ve said about what we hate about politics.”
GOP: [unintelligible]

“You can’t elect that cartoonishly horrible human being! Elect this horrible human being instead!” -either party in the general

Don’t analyze Trump’s foreign policy speech. Stop falling in the trap of taking anything he says seriously.

I still don’t get how it’s even physically possible to take Trump seriously. It’s like Pee-wee Herman running for president.

There’s no reason to believe Trump on any issue unless the only issue important to you is loud yelling.

Can’t fathom being an enthusiastic Hillary supporter. Like telling everyone they need to try the life-sucking machine from Princess Bride.

You #NeverTrump people need to fall in line. Start huffing paint thinner until voting for Trump makes sense.

My kids (3 and 5) were too scared to watch the new Jungle Book movie. When do I start desensitizing them to violence?

I have never for the life of me understood who in the world David Brook’s audience is supposed to be.

Sean Hannity will prop up anyone who has an R next to his name. He even had a pirate on for a full hour because he kept saying “R!”

So we’re supposed to believe the people who were openly for banning guns less than 2 decades ago are for “gun safety” and not confiscation?

There was a lot of awful people to choose from in the presidential primaries, and we were careful to choose the awfullest.

It’s weird how the Bernie Sanders movement sways between hippie dippie nonsense and mindless nationalism.

Still like him way better than Hillary. It’s an honest stupidity.

In American history, has there ever been a worse presidential choice than Hillary vs. Trump, or are we new territory?

With the general election choice between the two absolute worst people in the entire country, should we reexamine our primary system?

Russia’s main export is stock bad guys.

If we could just talk some sense into these #NeverTrump people, Trump could lose by 19.5% in general instead of by 20%.

The only candidate with a clear plan to take on the national debt is SMOD.

THIS GENERAL ELECTION: VOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITE MORON AUTHORITARIAN! CHOOSE BETWEEN OBNOXIOUS CLOWN AND SOUL-CRUSHING DEPRESSION!

A good slogan for Hillary to attract conservative voters would be “The devil you know.”

I want you Trumpkins to know I’m one of the good guys in that I most likely won’t actively support Hillary.

Now it’s time for Donald Trump to turn his attention to president-elect Hillary.

The general election will be a stark choice between soulless status quo forever or burning the house down while we’re still inside it.

Come on, guys! The only way to stop Hillary is to vote for a complete mockery of everything you stand for! #Unite

We once got a man on the moon but we can’t come up with presidential candidates who aren’t obnoxiously horrible.

What’s a classical liberal supposed to do in this day and age? Plan for a colony on the moon, I guess.

The optimists are the ones who think the country will end with a bang and not a whimper.

I just hope Trump’s VP choice is completely insane. Don’t be a letdown, clown-man.

The absolute best choice for Trump’s VP would be Bernie Sanders.

My objection to Trump was never that he can’t win in the general. It was “Why would I want him to?”

I like the idea of Hillary and Trump teaming up and being each other’s running mate. It would be the unity/abandon all hope ticket.

“I am the Hell Man, and from the fiery depths of Hades I bring you my mayonnaise!”

Hillary is unlikeable, incompetent, and it’s completely baffling she ever got in a position of leadership. She’s basically Cobra Commander.

Was Cobra Commander married to a previous leader of Cobra?

I don’t know who from GI Joe Trump reminds me of. He does make me think of Starscream, though.

I don’t support the GOP’s choice for candidate same as I don’t support the Democrats’ choice for candidate.

The foundation of your house is sinking. What do you do?
HILLARY: “Nothing. Everything is fine.”
TRUMP: “Fill the microwave with metal.”

The first scene of the young Han Solo movie is him sleeping through the class in space school where they teach you what a parsec is.

There should be a political party for people who don’t like authoritarians.

I’d rather our choices for this election were Kang and Kodos.

The way Trump picks an adjective for each person to get under their skin makes him like that guy who told Elaine she has a large head.

Can we let the Internet decide the election because I’d rather our president be Boaty McBoatface.

Those on the left who somehow couldn’t figure out John Edwards was a big phony, you have another chance with Elizabeth Warren.

Best outcome I can up with for the 2016 election is for Hillary to go to prison and become president.

You could argue were now seeing the presidential election for the ridiculous farce it’s always been.

*GOP nominates clone of Hillary for president*
“If you don’t rally behind Hillary, Hillary is going to win!”

Trump vs. Hillary sounds less like a presidential election and more like Gozer telling us to choose our destroyer.

It’s much better to understand science than to love it.

“Sure, Trump is worse than Hitler. But he’s still better than Hillary.” -future Trump endorsement

“I wouldn’t piss on him if he were on fire, but I’ll vote for him over Hillary.” #TrumpEndorsement

“He’s the second worst human being who has ever lived.” #TrumpEndorsement

Always nice when the government steps in and saves cab companies from the 21st century.

“I’ve flushed things down the toilet with more integrity than him, but he’s not Hillary.” #TrumpEndorsement

“I’ve got poo on a stick! Everyone rally behind it or it’s your fault Hillary gets to pick Supreme Court justices!”

Where both Trump and Hillary are weakest are with people who have any principles whatsoever.