Archive of entries posted on December 2016

Russia’s Putin Praises Trump, Calls Democrats “Sore Losers”

Posted by on

Speaking at his annual news conference in Moscow, Russia’s President weighed in on the recent US Presidential election, with words of praise for the victor.

“I like Trump,” said Putin. “Good man. Can not handle his vodka, though. Baby tiny hands too small to grip glass. Cute, like watching infant baby bear try to drink out of bottle. But baby bear grow up, become fun to wrestle. Trump get bigger hands, maybe we wrestle, too.”

Is nice globe. Red part is Russia. Silver part is New Russia. US drawn on with dry erase. Will wipe off globe soon.

Is nice globe. Red part is Russia. Silver part is New Russia. US drawn on with dry erase. Will wipe off globe soon.

“Soon must make policy with baby-bear-hand man,” continued Putin. “Will revolve around nuclear weapons. Will be like good old days of Cold War, except Russia victorious. Baby hands too small to push launch button.”

“But I tease Trump,” laughed Putin. “Is worthy opponent. Except weak, like schoolgirl. Maybe should lift something heavier than hairbrush. Be more like Putin. Tie wolves to stick, lift over head. Repeat until not ashamed to take off shirt.”

After discussing the warm international relations he expected to have with Trump, his face darkened as he criticized Hillary and the Democrats.

“Do not get me wrong,” said Putin. “Am respecting Hillary. Is woman of sturdy hips, like good plowhorse. But always whining. Blaming others. Like Ukranians running from Russian tanks.

“All Democrats whine,” Putin continued. “Big sore losers everywhere. Blame Russians. Say we hack servers and emails and Wall Street and national security and everything. Not true. Also, emails boring. All fat Hillary yoga pictures.

“And launch codes?”, concluded Putin, “now 1-2-3-4-5, like idiot would have on luggage”.

Link of the Day: Star Wars Holiday Special: Short Explanation – A Lot of Greedy People Made a Lot of Short-Sighted Decisions

Posted by on

[High Praise! to Mental Floss]

The Dark Side: An Oral History of ‘The Star Wars Holiday Special’

Also, the second-most embarassing Star Warsish thing: The Muppet Show

Specifically, Chewie & R2 dancing.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Christmas 2016

Posted by on

The Gospel of Luke, Chapter 2

  1. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David
  2. To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.
  3. And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.
  4. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
  5. And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
  6. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
  7. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
  8. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.
  9. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
  10. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
  11. Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
1