We at IMAO agree with the principles set forth by Texas Governor Perry. It’s time to put aside petty politics and do the things we need to protect our children. That’s why today we’re here to ask you to join us in a worthwhile cause. You see, it’s easy to say, “Well, my children won’t engage in THAT type of behavior so what risk do they really run?” But we never know, do we? Sometimes kids can be innocent victims, other times, they’re lured into that lifestyle by that crazy music.
That’s why today we’re asking you to sign a petition to enforce a new law.
The Every Student Wears A Bullet Proof Vest Program.
Yes, we can hear you with your typical blather and objections.
“I don’t believe in guns.”
Or “I don’t believe in guns before marriage.”
Or “Will this vest make me look fat?”
But that doesn’t matter. The horrible reality is that science has not yet developed a cure for a bullet to the heart. Maybe one day we’ll have a cure for this developed by leading scientists or Al Gore, but that’s decades away from happening.
Yes, we must protect our kids. Furthermore, We’re tired of all these kids shooting other innocent bystander kids. Violence, like sex, is a deep primal urge. It is foolish – and a violation of free speech – to try to control this urge. Rather, much like sex education, we should teach kids about these urges and how to carry them out responsibly. For example, very few schools have classes in Marksmanship. Why? Probably because of the Radical Religious Left and their uncontrolled “riflephobia.” Yet how many senseless deaths could have been avoided if we had taught proper trigger control? .
Our high school kids need help and special attention. Otherwise, most of them will get distracted and start doing things they shouldn’t really be doing — like homework. So enough with the obstruction to these programs. The vests, the marksmanship — these things will help stop the senseless loss of innocent life.
Here’s how the program works.
Students are issued bullet proof vests. They wear the vests everywhere kids hang out — school, the mall, myspace. If they get shot in the vest, it saves their lives, which of course if the purpose of our amazing program. Students are issued a new vest when it gets too full of bullets or the student gets too fat. Vests would be available in designer colors and styles.
Now, some parents may want to abstain from this program for religious beliefs. I say No Way! Some ideas are just too silly.
Please.
Do it for the children.
An armed High School is a polite high school. As I’ve always said… Columbine or the other school shootings would never have happened had the rest of the school populace been armed to the teeth as well. So, in addition to the vests, we need a School Books for Guns project. Wherein, students turn in Revisionist History Books and Faith-based Biology books in exchange for an easily concealed handgun.
Either that or people could start RAISING THEIR !@#$ING KIDS.
DesertElephant,
I second that!!! Great response, especially the last sentence.
I disagree, nice sparkly Force Fields for everyone.
Not only do they stop bullets, they also stop rain, snow, fists and hail.
In fact, one big Force Field could stop GLOWBALL WARMING, by keeping out the sunlight causing the earth to heat up.
RWD, are you suggesting that the “abstinence only” violence prevention policy is inadequate?
Spyn, it stands to reason. Aside from George Romero movies, the dead are amazingly docile and pacifistic. Hardly any violence from them whatsoever.
NAW. You guys got it all wrong. The most urgent thing is a CHASTITY BELT program for congressional pages.
The best solution to violence is to teach peaceful people how to be violent. Martial arts training should be a standard part of the physical education curriculum. Start off with karate and stuff at kindergarten, then introduce small caliber guns, then by middle school you can get into the bigger stuff as well as hand to hand weapons like knives and nunchucks. By high school they should be playing with large caliber guns, swords, and explosives.
While we’re at it, how about issuing a pair of suspenders, so pants can be worn properly (above the butt). After all, a little crack is harmfull to everybody!
The problem is that once kids are properly trained in marksmanship, the vests will be rendered obsolete as headshots become more commonplace.
Following this editorial, CAIR immediately issued a press release condemning the makers of the bulletproof vests.
Kids Issued Bullet-proof vests. Muslims Offended.