It is time to take hold of the reigns of the Republican Party and the country. This is not the time for whiners and sissies. This must be conservatism at its bone-crushing best.
While the Democrats are focused on their tiny ideas like their piddling crap handouts and free candy — the sort of things little weenie losers get all excited about — we’re going to talk big ideas like Dinosaurs with rocket launchers, nuking the moon, and an economy so powerful and dominating it makes the rest of the world look like a dying wasteland.
While the Democrats rally around words they think are so important but are so empty by themselves such as “Hope”, “Change”, “Unity”, and “Diversity”, we’re going to rally around words like “Awesomeness”, “Kick-Assery”, and “Laser-Firing Death Robots.”
But what we need most of all are strong, simple principles to rally behind. Here’s what I’m thinking:
Everyone should have guns; all other freedoms derive from that.
The God given rights thing is hard for some people to understand, so I think this makes things simpler. We all get guns and that cannot be infringed anywhere, and people can figure out the other rights from there. Is some hippie going to tell a guy with a gun what he can and can’t say? Only once.
Only whiny little bitches care how much money other people have.
The only reason anyone should be concerned about the success of others is if they want to copy it. How much money someone makes shouldn’t even be the concern of the government. If someone making a lot of money gets you all bothered because it reminds you of what a tiny little penis you have, then you need to live in a sissier country that tolerates whiny babies, pinko.
Other countries should fear us like an angry god.
Having the respect of other countries is nice and all, but usually pretty fickle. Fear is a nice constant. All other countries should know that if you cross us, we will come at you with like a spider monkey. You won’t know what to expect. While you’re running around in caves with AK-47s, we’ll have robots with gattling gun arms, lasers shooting you from space, micro-nukes, death rays, and of course genetically engineered dinosaurs with rocket launchers on them. To have victory against us is as infeasible as winning in a fist fight with the sun.
Government is evil.
It’s a necessary evil, but it is an evil. Any application of government should be done in a somber fashion, as it is a failure of our humanity that we couldn’t handle it as individual citizens. Deciding whether to apply government to solve a problem should be considered on the same level as burning down an orphanage full of children to solve a problem. Deciding to tax should be thought of like deciding to stab an innocent man for our own gain. Anyone who celebrates government is a ghoulish wretch who must be ostracized from polite society.
So that’s my first pass at our defining principles. Anything to add? Remember to keep it simple and basic. This isn’t the belly button-gazing, effete, latte-sipping conservative club.
This is the Republican Underground!
Hehe… you said ‘New Direction’. Sorry folks, it’s been a LONG week.
Best.line.ever
Frank, we need a line to chant. Something to counter act the hypnotic effects of YES WE CAN being chanted over and over. Something like Mon-Key-Face! or Knee To Groin! that way if we are ever caught in the midst of a random Obama ralley, we won’t get sucked in by the liberal mob mentality.
280, we gotta start a republican underground branch in AP.
1st step: Find the RINO pigs leaking BS smears about Sarah Palin and cut them!
Words to use when talking about democrats:
Asshattery
Moonbattery
Koolaid-snorting
Jihaderry
Fairnessery
Multiculturry
Diverserry
Subvertery
Revulcionary
You get the idea.
The correct term is Kick-Assery.
Obama’s plans include:
“reductions in high-profile weapon systems, including national missile defense, the Airborne Laser, and the Army’s Future Combat Systems program”
Apparently he want to even the field so e/o else can kick our ass.
So much for the fear factor…
“Anyone who celebrates government is a ghoulish wretch who must be
ostracized from polite societySHOT with their own gun.That’s pretty simple.
How about we full fill the national dream of building a wall on our southern border, then building a second wall behind that, and filling the middle with an army of coyotes (the animals, not the smugglers) who have been infected with some kind of zombie virus? Then we build another wall behind that, and top it full of automatic flame thrower turrets in case any of the zombie coyotes try and get loose. That is that America I dream of.
Also since it is racist to call Obama by his middle name, lets just change what the middle initial stands for, Barak Hitler Obama.
Just using his middle initial makes for a better rhythm in uttering his name.
Barack Obama all too often gets slurred together — Barackobama, and whizzes by the ears so fast part of your brain forgets it’s someone’s name. Barackobama sounds like a trendy buzzword for something more than a name. “Barack H. Obama” sounds more Presidential.
Awesome start. I would add that all legal issues regard tort suits will be solved only by pistol duel. No lawyers are allowed.
In the future, everyone will be Hitler for 15 minutes.
Count Me In – RangerMom is ready to roll
Frank – Most awesome ideas I have heard yet.
Jumpout – Make our mantra so great that the woosies will shake before we speak even!
Herpules – love love love the new names for the woosies
MarkoMancuso – absolutely – get ’em, round ’em up and we’ll all come help wipe the out!
There is a significant awesome gap between conservatives and everyone else. We need to exploit this gap by sending forth Fred Thomspon to consume hippies with his fury.
True fact: every time Fred Thomspon glares at a hippie, an angel gets his wings.
Our education policy should include increasing requirements for kids’ P.E. classes to include self-defense courses, shooting, and maybe a bit of fencing.
The Only Way for Assholes to Win Is For Good People With Guns to Do Nothing
Pretty self explanatory. Look at every hell hole on the planet that has a evil dictator that commits genocide. What do they have in common. The good people of the country don’t have guns. How do these dictators fall. People with guns go in and remove them.
When we gain power, we must implement a new doctrine that will surpass previous doctrines like the Monroe, or Bush Doctrine. The Underground Doctrine will clearly state. “If any country randomly kills its people, and/or harbors terrorist, and or in general pisses us off, WE WILL COME AND SHOOT YOU IN THE FACE.”
That should be specific enough. Dictators don’t need trials, they need Justice. The justice that can only be given with formerly illegal firearms. After our military captures a dictator, he will be tied to a post in the middle of the main square for everyone to see. The current elected American president will come to the square in a limo, get out and shoot the deposed dictator in the face with a sawed off shot gun. The President will end the spectacle with the traditional “That’s what I’m talking about, YEAH!” before being whisked away back to Air Force 1.
While this platform does involve the threat of shooting hippies, I really think we need to concentrate on the ever-present need to punch hippies. Hard and in the face. Just on the general principle that if you want to smell like a warm goat and wear your hair in a ponytail and have a scraggly beard and be generally hippie-like in any way – you need to be punched.
I’d like to expand on the “everyone needs more guns” principle. Is owning a gun a requirement to enter the Underground? I’d like to learn how to shoot. And I’d like to own a gun. But I don’t know much about them. I got a public school education in Illinois, but they always said guns were bad. What kind of gun should I get? I’m a girl. Do they make guns especially for girls? What kind of gun should my husband get? (He’s a boy. I know they make guns especially for boys.)
there’s GOTTA be something about Fred Thompson in the Republican Underground!
“No eating one’s own” – especially when the “own” is me.
Witness post “GB got the First Black Pres Elected” – #18, Russell Freeman. Hopefully Jimmy has a tiny pair of troll shoes in stock for the tiny feet of the tiny man with the tiny penis.
Russell has decreed that I am a “f***tard” from Texas (now, which is worse?), responsible for McCain’s losing the election. Damnarama, this power thing feels kinda cool! This must be what Obama feels. Like, yeah, cool, wow, what do I do now?
Nadine: What do you think about this pink glock? It seems very feminine.
JumpOut: Not to speak for Nadine, but I’m thinking more cammo design… Else it looks like Martha Stewart, who, for the record, supported The O and stated we Americans “just don’t understand… “
Guns for girls requirements:
A light trigger (so you don’t need superhuman hand strength to shoot commies)
A rubber grip (so after you shoot the commies, the recoil doesn’t make it jump our of your hand and you’re ready to shoot another commie… or the same commie in a different spot)
Can kill commies when properly employed
Guns for boys requirements:
Can kill commies when properly employed
I say we push hard for the immediate passage of the “Unfairness Doctrine”, which essentially says: “The smartest and most productive people make more money than the stupid and lazy. And they get to keep at least 80% of it.”
Anyone talking about fairness has to play Russian Roulette. If they live, they have to punch another hippie in the face.
We need to stem the tide of liberals who ruin states like California and Michigan with rampant tax increases, move out of said state when it becomes unbearable, only to do the same thing to the state they move to. Congratulations, morons. Colorado is offically “blue.” Look out, Idaho, Montana and Wyoming. You’re next. New Mexico has already metastisized.
I love you guys so much! You all make me laugh so hard and we’re going to need alot of that!
And, Frank, I am definitely going to get a gun!
We need a plan to move all the liberals to the crapiest state we can find. I nominate Vermont. For the most part it’s pretty worthless. It even sat out the Revolutionary War. How weak can you get? We can get our Maple Syrup somewhere else.
Paleo – how do you think I feel? I spent most of the last 8 years in either Iraq or Afghanistan. I FINALLY come home to Indiana, just in time for them to vote for Obama. Ever seen a grown Marine cry?
Anyone who bad-mouths America has 2 choices: be shot in the face, or be exiled 4 years to Cuba. The native-born side, not the touristy side.
Awesome platform FrankJ. I think that, and Fred’s Kill-Protect-Punch meme pretty much covers it.
we need BIGGER ideas — like that HSM3 song “I Want It All”
If you’re Republican living in a city of over 300,000, it’s time to move out. Do it in the next six months.
If you’re Democrat living in a city of over 300,000, stay there. You’re going to starve to death. If you leave and take your mental crap to the rural areas, you’ll be sho…
(Funny, JUST as I typed this, Rush said “If you’re living in California and you’re not rich, you probably want to think about moving.” Very weird.)
BigRichardSmall, I agree that Vermont is pretty much worthless but it might be too small to hold all the liberals — and besides, it’s too nice a place for them. We might be better off with NunyaB’s idea to ship them to some communist hellhole, so they can live out their fantasy of the wonderfulness of communism while slowly realizing their stupidity.
On point #4 “Government is Evil”
That is the most excellent civics lesson I have ever heard. We must make this a part of our education reform. This should be the first chapter of every civics textbook.
Very Important: all Democrats should be moved to New Mexico and any current Republicans there moved out. We should put criminals and murderers in with them and lock them in there. (create a great wall of New mexico to keep them from getting out). By the time all is finished i’m pretty sure the democrats will all be dead because they’ll try to talk it over with them and have diplomacy. I’m pretty sure they will also try to steal the criminals and murderers money but will be killed in the process. In this large state there will be no police and no rules. once we’ve killed them off we can ban the words “Hope” and “Change” and the uttering of such nonsense is punishable by forcing to live in the New New Mexico.
My Pathetic state is also responsible for Obama winning the imbecils here had him win a landslide drrrrrrrrrr.
JumpOut & Gabe: thanks for the suggestions, guys. I have to say, if I can really find a pink glock I think I might actually buy it, and get my husband a matching one in blue. We’ll have them customized with “Commie Silencer” on the grips. 🙂 But if anyone else has any suggestions, I’d love to hear them. The husband has promised to buy me a gun for Christmas, and he says he needs suggestions on good guns for girls.
Here’s an idea: school vouchers at K through 12 grades that double as martial arts centers. These facilities will strictly be for the children of old school Republicans, New Conservatives and the Faithful. The centers should be staffed with former and current highly skilled military personnel with some college experience or advanced degrees & a desire to genuinely teach the fundamentals of modern education right along side ‘The Art of War’ & the Holy Bible.
Change the first amendment to just the first five words on it now. “Congress shall pass no law.” The rest of the amendments just became kind of pointless.
All RINO’s are punished by grinding the criminals’ bones to make bread. A universal Three Strikes Law will be written into the constitution with everybody starting with two already.
Hmmmm. Bonemeal. Nutritious food additive.
“Kick-Assery” is my new favorite word. I’m going to find a way to use it today. And I’m going to keep drinking lattes because I’m a girl and that’s a girly thing to do (I can drink it whilst I clean my gun).
things to remember about buying a gun. 1 Make sure that you can quickly reload and swap out clips. (my bro has short fingers and had to chose one he could easily hit the clip release) 2keep it clean and in good working order. 3 practice practice practice. 4 gun controle means never saying darn i missed.
If you are a male and you “nance” you are going to get punched! Effeteism will also be an ass kicking offense along with metrohomosexulism! As for a song how about the 1812 overture with Mexicanons firing illegals back in-time
What do you think about this pink glock? It seems very feminine.
I know I’m not Nadine but I am a girl so I’ll weigh in on this one.
I like pink, I like green. But not together on that gun. And I need something that won’t be really obvious when I carry.
Any suggestions?
Spot on, Frank, spot on.
We need something to address the failures of the judicial system. There is no deterrent to crime anymore. In my expert opinion, we need to axe that whole “no cruel and unusual punishment” phrase. Why would I want to shoplift when I know there’s a conservative with a gun ready to put my nards in a vise while Fred Thompson pulls out my fingernails and I’m forced to watch Whoopi Goldberg and Rosie O’Donnell dance seductively in front of me. Let the punishment exceed the crime, I say. You want to sneak over our border? Well, we’re gonna strap you to a hippie and catapult you right back. Then, we need put the incarcerated to work producing all that crap we import from China, then we pay them 5 cents after their 16 hour workday.
I second the “Unfairness Doctrine”
And for all of you who are complaining about your state, I live in Illinois. My state spawned this atrocity by clearing the way for his rise to power. Land of Lincoln my ass
AlanABQ: That is basically what my Institute of Legitimate Wisdom will do.
An exit exam for elementary school requiring mastery of the 3 R’s, a martial arts-oriented PE program, and Independence as a core class requirement in high school, which goes like this:
Independence I: Domestic Survival
Independence II: Etiquette and Practical Economics. Fun Fact: Etiquette is really a convenient word for persuading people not to kill you, and a great and fun excuse to inflict pain on those who fail to be polite in your presence. It’s not just for sissies. Be honorable, ronin. Also, learn how to haggle.
Independence III: Employment and Income. Rather than try to railroad students into staying out of the workforce, racking up huge debt while they go to college and get a useless B.S. in anthropology, the Institute will actually help students figure out what kind of productive things they like doing. This will not only help to reduce future debt, it will actually increase the probability of graduating from a university for those who decide to go.
Independence IV: Do It Yourself. From assembling a flatpack to installing toilets, we will teach students how to eliminate dead weight from the economy by not wasting money on things that are not necessary to have other people do.
Independence V: Emergency Preparedness. This senior-level course will explore the necessities of being ready for anything, immersing students in all kinds of situations starting with a simple five-day electrical outage, progressing to more advanced concepts like improvisational justice in the aftermath of a major disaster, and concluding with a final examination consisting of a 30-day group exercise in a simulated EOTWAWKI situation.
Here’s a question. With everyone going out and buying a gun have some of or any of you ever shot anything? To have a gun is one thing, BUT to show it is quite another. In fact once a gun is presented it should be with the full intention of using it.
A movement the requires a gun is very serious. Example, the weather underground used guns and the Black Panthers used guns and if you plan on using a gun than you should be aware that those you plan on using a gun against may very well have prepared themselves for using a gun against you.
So back to the original question. Could you kill something? Successful revolutions require something gets killed a few times, and then intimidation becomes easier. Heres an exercise. Find a marxist liberal in your neighborhood and kill their dog!! Yep, right on the doorstep would be best. Do I mean Fido? Mans best friend? Yep.
So you say, ” That’s horrible”. “Thats disgusting”, and it may be, but, if you wouldn’t shoot a liberals dog for intimidation then you probably wouldn’t shoot the liberal marxist either. You may have been conditioned already. Even if they were plannig on sending your kids to the RE-Thinkatorium or you. So if you balk at killing a dog (not for pleasure but for…intimidation) then don’t bother with the gun because you probably wouldn’t use it anyway.
Ok. That was just a exercise in where your head is at. How about this. Molotov cocktail the libs doorstep. You don’t have to burn his house down. Just let him know that you don’t like his social policies. Besides, that gives the dog a chance to run into the back yard. So now where are you at?
At some point a movement requires action. It may be distasteful. You may find your not ready.
How about this. You have a _uck _bama T-shirt on and you get hassled or pushed around or hit. Would you use a gun then. We would like to think we would but really I betcha wouldn’t.
What’s my point. It seems to me that most of what conservatives do is just talk. That’s why in the mid 60’s when Ayers and company were infiltrating govenment, media, and education positions capitalists were promoting themselves. Me too. Running to the woods and hiding may seem defiant but it’s a damn good place to starve to death.
I’m thinking that the best defense if a good offense. When blacks were pissed off they burned the cities. Instead of bashing heads the powers that be immediately asked,” how can we make you feel better”?
So a real movement involves attacking something. It involves destroying something. It involves intimidation. It means that someone has to pay and someone has to feel something and not like it.
Marxist can do this with impunity because they have no right or wrong. They can do it because they do not answer to God but only to the self centered concept that they are god and their end justifies their means.
But the underground that Frank is leading for the most part has a conscience. You will be battling not only an enemy but yourselves.
Can you shoot something or do you just want to?
The “EOTWAWKI” sounds like it might resemble the world’s first 30 days after the Obama inauguration. We all might need a crash course.
Personally, I’ve got a certain 1911 I’ll be picking up either Saturday or Monday. Just waiting on my permit to clear and get to me.
A Bersa 380 Thunder is a really good girl gun. My wife carries one and she loves it. It’s about the right size for her hands, very easy to conceal, is extremely reliable, fairly inexpensive to shoot, simple to disassemble and clean, and dead-on accurate to about 50 feet which is usually all you need for self-protection.
Whatever pistol you buy, purchase some pre-fragmented rounds and load with them at all times besides the firing range. They’re incredibly expensive (about $3.50 a shot) so you won’t want to practice with them a lot. But, if you’re shooting somebody inside your house, they won’t pass through the perp’s body or a wall and out the other side and kill your kids.
“Can you shoot something or do you just want to?”
Spud, you make a point. I’m guessing most of us have shot something. But since most of us are civilized conservatives, we wage our battles with words rather than swords, and withdraw from acting out our violent impulses against those who are not on the same page (or in the same book or even the same library).
The dramatic reactions to my proudly waving American and POW/MIA flags are confirmation that I’m smugly making my point even without saying a word or firing a bullet. My gun is reserved for defense. That’s my choice. That, however, does not diminish the “want to.” I just “refrain from.” And the toodle heads are indeed lucky.
Can you shoot something or do you just want to?
I don’t have a gun (yet), and probably would never fire it except in one of two conditions: (1) at a paper target, often, for practice; or (2) in self-defense when some turd has one pointed at me. In a case of kill or be killed, I’d rather be the one walking away, kthx.
“PaleoMedic says:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
We need to stem the tide of liberals who ruin states like California and Michigan with rampant tax increases, move out of said state when it becomes unbearable, only to do the same thing to the state they move to. Congratulations, morons. Colorado is offically “blue.” Look out, Idaho, Montana and Wyoming. You’re next. New Mexico has already metastisized.”
Paleomedic-
I can’t believe you didn’t mention Nevada which hasn’t gone liberal in over 40 years. 60% voted for the big “O”.
Like you said, the Californians are like locusts here (ironically I too was born and raised in California, but apparently received a proper education in politics), they have left no stone unturned making sure that their moonbattery ways are well-received. I believe their next step was on to Colorado. Good Lord, where will it end?
Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou.
we’re going to talk big ideas like Dinosaurs with rocket launchers, nuking the moon, and an economy so powerful and dominating it makes the rest of the world look like a dying wasteland.
Funniest thing I read in the past few days. Thanks Frank. 🙂
To have a gun is one thing, BUT to show it is quite another. In fact once a gun is presented it should be with the full intention of using it.
That’s very true. And that’s something all need to consider. Personally, I know I could and would if the need presented itself. Otherwise, there’s no point in even having a gun; if you want something to display as a deterrent, then get a big dog or walk around with a sword & a crazy gleam in your eye. Guns are the most dangerous when they’re in the hands of those who aren’t educated about them.
Can you shoot something or do you just want to?
I bought a gun about two weeks ago because I figured how the election would go!!! Do I know how to shoot it?? No, but I will tomorrow!!! Do I know if I could kill something?? No, but I will within the month when I go on my first hunting trip!!!
When the going gets rough, the average person can and will defend themselves!!!!
#53,
Yup, forgot about Nevada. It really sucks to see this happen. There seems to be a direct correlation between the emergence of Starbucks in a region and the property tax increases. Both are signs of the liberal apocalypse. When that happens it’s already probably too late.
I have the will and desire to shoot. Hell, some days, talking with a libtard, I have to mentally talk myself down from the trigger pulling ledge. I do, because I answer to God. But when it comes to a life or death situation, I am ready and willing. I’m actually ready and willing to do more morally ambiguous things as well, but I’ve been trying to side with reason in these first few days of shock and anger at the mass selfishness and stupidity.
Can you shoot something or do you just want to?
I don’t have my own gun yet, I used hubby’s. And yes, I know how to shoot and am a good shot. We’re not irresponsible.
Praise the LORD and pass the ammunition
MORE AMMO
Start with something easy, like magpies.
Health Insurance is for Wussies.
The insurance companies drive the costs way up and the government is just going to make it several magnitudes worse. So we take out the health insurance companies Tyler Durden style and the price of services drop like a bag of dirt. Same some of your money, stupid, and if you need to go to the doctor just pay for it. Better yet just rub some dirt on it…wus.
This post has made my day! 😀
“Can you shoot something or do you just want to?”
Well, no. At the moment, I can’t shoot something, unless I fire a gun and by sheer luck it hits the target, or something else. But then again, why would I handle a gun if I haven’t ever taken shooting lessons? Of course, that will be corrected later this month, but even so, guns don’t belong in hands that aren’t trained to use and respect them.
And yes, I really just want to know how to shoot something. Targets are a good start. Tin cans, fence posts in the old field by my house, the occasional stop sign whose placement I disagree with, etc etc. My cousin’s ex-boyfriend was a US Marshal and he can shoot a guy from 100 yards with rifle and put a bullet between his eyes (not kidding. I saw him do it at a range once). I want to shoot like that – but at paper targets. I’m not a liberal, for crying out loud. I don’t want to wantonly kill random people. I respect life.
Dinosaurs with rocket launchers…just the sight of one would make Rahm Emanuel wet himself…run ballet-boy run.
Nadine…are you talking for practice, or defense? If it’s for home defense (or for Obama’s “civil security”, IE, Brown-shirts), I’d suggest a Remington Room Sweeper (12 gauge combat shotgun). If you haven’t shot before, this gun gives you a slender chance of missing your target. If it’s for practice, just get yourself a .22. They have very little kick, and ammunition is dirt cheap, giving you plenty of time at the range to be able improve your marksmanship. Personally I love my AR-50 (able to reach out and touch a hippie at up to a mile out), but it’s expensive to shoot. If you can find a good deal, pick up a Remington 300. It’s what my uncle used as a sniper in vietnam. 8-mm Mauser (98) is a hell of a good gun as well, and you can usually pick one up for around $300 in decent shape.
Frank, looking for slogans?
*”We never met a liberal we wouldn’t punch.”
*”Able to drop liberals at 400 yards!”
*”We love the smell of gunpowder early in the morning…it smells like…America!”
*”Run, Hippie! Run!”
*”Like the Republican party, but without all the RINO’s.”
*God, Guns and the Constitution!”
Theme songs:
“Hit Between the Eyes” by the Scorpions
“March of the S.O.D. / Sergeant D” by S.O.D.
“Hook in Mouth” by Megadeth, though replace PMRC with DNC
F is for fighting
R is for red,
Our ancestor’s blood in the battles they shed
E we elect ’em
E we eject ’em
In the land of the free and the home of the brave
D is for dying
O your overture
M they will cover your grave in manure
This spells out FREEDOM, means nothing to me
as long as there’s a DNC!
My Pathetic state is also responsible for Obama winning
I can top that, #35. My state (Nevada) WAS red, but went blue on Tuesday.
And we’re stuck with Harry Reid too, who was already in office before I moved here so no one better blame me for that one either.
The Republicans need a top fuel dragster. Nothing says raw power like an 8000 horsepower display of dominance. Just a suggestion.
Eros, thanks for the suggestions! It’s more of a purchase for practice and just having the knowledge. But I’d also like to be confident that, should the true need ever arise, I know how to safely handle a gun for my own (or others’) protection. And I’d like to utilize my right to own a gun under the 2nd Amendment while the amendment still exists. 🙂
It has been my long held belief that the Federal govt is required to do these things, and only these things:
1.) kill bad guys
2.) regulate interstate trade
3.) subsidize gun ownership.
its our 2nd Amendment, and not everyone can afford a personal firearm. The govt should spread some of the firepower around to those of us who have fewer than 250k guns.
If you conservatives really want to get back into power where you can make a difference again, DESTROY THE TWO PARTY SYSTEM. The way congress is structured needs to be changed, the way elections are done need to be changed. The winner-take-all nature of our democracy needs to be changed. I don’t know if it’ll take instant run-off voting or what, but unless you can do away with the two party system (which needs to be done by the way, both sides can agree on that), then you guys will be a useless and impotent minority for longer than you want to contemplate.
Consolidate New England
Yeah, 50 states is a nice round number, but so is 40, and does a space the size of Delaware or Mass REALLY need to send two douchebags to the Senate? From now on you get maybe two states and four such senators – or we split Alaska and Texas into our 51st through 345th states and vote your Luxumberg-type states back to Old England where they belong.
By the way, Mass is your new name – you shouldn’t have a name so long that it can’t possibly be written in your state.
Give everyone guns, with one amendment
Truthfully, some people should not have a gun. My ex-wife for example. I’d be dead by now because her mother wore too much makeup and my ex said something about it and started a fight. That said, if you give a gun to a hippie and they say “oh, I don’t like guns”, then feel free to take it from him and shoot him with it. Now you have two guns and one less hippie. Everyone wins.
By the way, if Obama is anything like the Clinton Administration and the so called “Peace Dividend”, save up your pennies because while it will be harder to get a Glock, purchasing a Cobra attack helecopter for the price of the aluminum may be fairly easy. No lie. They cut them in half and called that demilitarizing, but then people just welded them together. Some guy in Texas had about a dozen in a warehouse, and some other guy in Montana was using one to shoot coyotes on his ranch. I think it was a US News and World Report article at the time. Get em before the Chinese do! Again, like last time.
Anyone taking money from Arabs should be disqualified from public office
That includes most of everyone from every administration since Nixon. And especially people like Colon Powell, who got a Jaguar as a retirement present. I’m sure Obama is no exception.
Anyone going to college should be required to read CS Lewis and GK Chesterton, along with “The Closing of the American Mind”, so they know what they are about to deal with
I’ve already pointed out how “Screwtape Proposes a Toast” is an outline of modern education’s main failures and liberalism’s chief destructive ability. Chesterton and others have humorously and accurately predicted how insane education camps have become. I hate sending our kids into places blind and having them graduate, much like scientogists, $100K poorer and basically insane.
#20, LoveMyFreedoms,
I read that this evening. You handled it well. (Then I threw my 2 cents in). Arrrr!!!
“This is the Republican Underground!”
Damn. I so wanted to be part of HellBender. Besides, the crudely drawn bunnies would have rocked.
Proposed Guiding Principle: Mock the libtards at every opportunity.
Thanks Frank. This is an excellent display of awesomeness. Fred would be proud. And when I write proud, I don’t mean in a “gay pride – look at me daddy! I’ll bet this makes you mad!” kind of way. I mean pride like an angry and vengeful Old Testament god looking down on the hairless monkeys worshiping you, and marveling that a small group has stopped eating their own poo.
Nadine – Go to a practice range that rents pistols. Find a few that fit your hand comfortably, and then give them a try on the range to see which ones you like. The 1911 is an awesome weapon, but is too large for many women, and has a fairly strong recoil. My ex really liked the Colt .380. Added bonus – she worked in a dangerous neighborhood, so a small weapons like the .380 is perfect because they are easily concealed. For cheap, small, with weak recoil, try a .22.
Shotguns are great for home defense, but have way too much kick for most women. Some shotguns will bruise your shoulder after only one shot. If you practice with a shotgun, be sure to use a shooting pad to absorb some of the recoil. I suppose there are nancy-boy shotguns without powerful recoils, but that kind of defeats the purpose of having a shotgun. Have fun.
I carry a pistol everyday on my job.
Charles Daly model 1911a, .45ACP, extended magazine and ambidextrious thumb safeties. (I’m left handed). (My wife prefers a Smith & Wesson model 66, .357magnum.
The heavy frame helps her control the recoil, and she likes the simpler action of a wheel gun).
The last time I shot my qualifying rounds to renew my license the instructor said I failed because there was only one hole in the target; one large raggity hole.
So I’ve got skills, but making the decision to shoot, without hesitation, when there is a clear and imminent danger to myself and/or others is not made when I draw my gun from its holster.
I make That decision every morning when I place my gun In its holster.
‘Works for me!”
footnote: My instructors warned me that if I ever do shoot someone, even in self-defense, even if the authorities rule it a justifiable shooting, even if the Mayor pins a medal on me for ridding the community of a mother-stabbing, father-raping monster; I Will get sued.
So I paid $26.00/month for Pre-Paid Legal insurance.
Just in case.
(they also do wills, contracts and other legal documents).
#1, I giggle every time I visit this thread thanks to you. 😎
Hey IMAOers? FWIW, you all are the main reason that I have smiled, even laughed, since Tuesday. You rock.
We’ll get through the next LOOOOOONG four years together, I hope.
IMAO truly is even a unique niche, isn’t it? I know of other conservative blogs of course, but not conservative humor ones.
And we’ll need all the laughter we can get.
Thanks all, sincerely from the heart of my bottom. Carry on.
Nunya I agree! I think I would have lost it after Tuesday if it wasn’t for IMAO. All my neighbors still have their Obama yard signs up and I KNOW they’re just gloating (if you recall our McCain sign was stolen, as was its replacement.) They DID leave the Yes on 8, but it was slashed to bits with a razor blade despite my husband pulling an all nighter w/pistol in hand (guess he dozed off.) But despite this fierce opposition, I’ve got a spring in my step thanks to IMAO! So poo poo on you liberals!!!! (my husband likes to say “poo poo on you Sulamie” as it is his favorite line from a troll bashing I took once here at IMAO). Anyhoo, knowing I’m part of Frank’s underground now helps spur me on! My husband, too. He’s already planning on CHAINING our nativity to the tree this year for Christmas (how festive – yes folks, they stole baby Jesus last year – TWICE!) Crap you’d think we lived in the HOOD or something! No, just liberal-land. Welcome folks! Leave your brains, morals, and love of freedom at the door! Sheesh I’m tired and noticeably incoherent. Thanks again IMAO’ers for cheering me WAY up! G’Night!
Oh and no offense but a pink gun? For real? Not for me. The only pink I want to see in my hands is my daughter’s cute, frilly hair ribbons as I attempt to braid her hair (all the while imploring her to SIT STILL or they’ll be crooked!) But that’s just me. I also refuse to drive anything without at least 8 cylinders. So what else ya got for gals who have moved beyond pink and want something a little more……ballsy – is that too unladylike to say? hahahahaha. Boy I’m in rare form at this late hour! A one woman party I am! Better hit the hay.
Yes I’m back. But only because my husband woke up and I showed him the pink gun. He mumbled something about me needing to get past the pink because it’s a good one. Sorry for my shortsightedness. Goodnight for real now!
Oh, where to begin? First, thanks Frank for stoking the fires of the Republican Underground. This is going to get exciting, but success won’t happen over night. We have to network, focus the mission, and work tirelessly to take our party and our country back from the candyass appeasers that are now running the show.
Second, guns are not toys, kiddies.
If you are going to own one, then shoot it regularly. Nothing is more dangerous than someone scared of guns needing to know what they’re doing when something goes bump in the night. If you are going to keep guns in the house, then you need to shoot each of them at least three times a year. If you are going to carry a gun, then you better haul you ass to a range at least once a month and shoot at 50-100 rounds through each gun you carry.
If you can’t make a committment to proficiency and safety with your firearms, then stick to baseball bats and tire irons. This is not something to take lightly. Does it get expensive to shoot your firearms enough that you stay proficient? Hell, yes it does! But think of it as the cost of freedom.
Oh yeah, I live in Texas, so Kent, if you try splitting our state up into little bitty pieces, you will see just how many Texans exercise their 2nd Amendment right. It’s a pretty good bet too, that even those people that aren’t licensed to carry a concealed weapon are carrying one anyway…just so you know. God bless Texas!
Cheers!
Mitch Rapp
For the last 12 years I have carried a firearm nearly every day of my life and I’m not a cop. I’m a 33 year old God-fearing citizen with a wife and two kids who cherishes life and the Constitution.
4 of 7 (#74):
I thank you for your comments to our basher (Sulamie, you are not alone!). I commented back. And owe you 2 cents. Oh wait, is there tax on that now?
cptn moroni (#50):
+1 Bersa 380 Thunder – esp. for small hands
I have a Bersa Thunder .380 as a backup gun. The Primary is a Mini-Glock .45. I have rather large hands, but it’s still comfy. Plus, It’as the gun I use to introduce my nieces and nephews to firearms and proper gun safety and shooting. Great to have when bringing up the next generation of 2A children.
Agreed. I’d much rather have the kids as backup rather than helpless targets.
PaleoMedic: TOO RIGHT about the damn Californians stinking up Colorado with the stuff that made California unliveable.
We round them all up, send them to Arizona, and force them to listen to weekly TV ads featuring McCain. They shall be guarded and kept in Arizona by those walls of zombie coyotes….
Ref: Girls & Guns. You don’t need your own. Just get your husband to teach you to shoot. Then you can pick up any shotgun, rifle, glock, or revolver that happens to be in the corner of the room you’re in, and you’re ready. And if you can unload and load one in < a minute, guys think you’re hot.
Frank J. thanks for making my week of Republican Mourning shatter. With young ass kickers like you around, life is still good. Doc
I submit that anyone who says, “I’m happy paying more taxes because I care about others” should be considered an enemy of the people.
Hey Nadine,
I strongly recommend the AK-47. Light recoil, customizable, low maintenance. When you absolutely, positively have to shoot every commie in the room, accept no substitute. (its also fun to use their own weapon against them)
I think I have just found a site I can relate too and understand. These posts have cheered me to no end, particularly as I live in the Peoples Republic of New Jersey, and tried to read the Phila Inquirer this morning (a.k.a. PA Pravda) until the section gloating about how New Jersey has gone even MORE blue this election…which I didn’t think was possible.
Thank gawd my Baretta FS 92 (purchased in Houston, TX) arrived….and despite the hassles from the State it is now in my house. Rounds will be fired regularly to maintain proficiency. That being said, my full time job will be continued smart-ass cheekiness aimed at those Volvo/Hybrid/Lexus driving dilettantes I am surrounded by while I continue the real work of sabotaging and dismantling the Peoples Republic. It’s bad around here, folks…
My center is collapsing, and my flanks are in complete dissarray. Situation excellent; I am attacking!
#89 – your last little paragraph made me snort iced tea from my nose!
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