consurned consurveetiv

Posted on May 15, 2009 11:01 am

hello. i am carl the consuveetiv. you hav not seen me befor, but i am a consuveetiv lik u who voted for raygun, hates poor peepul, and reads the blog imoa. i am consurned tho that the reepublikans are going in an extreemust direcshun.

i am consurveetiv who like the jebus and nascar but i do not like all this crazy talk of cutting spending and taxes and not letting teh gheys marree and racist tee partees. we need to stop lissuning to bad dum consurveetivs like limbah who eets the drugs or palin who is stoopid and do not reed. insted we shood lissun to meghan mccain an colon powel hoo ar not dum stoopid neocon heelbilly jues. an we shood not be so meen to obama hoo we must admit has gud ideas.

also we shood not lissun to crayzee pairanoyd talk frum bad dum consurveetivs hoo say that libruls want to eet our eyeballs. this is not troo. an even if it wer troo i am shure dey wood not turn our eyeballs into poo and throw the poo at us. we hav nuthing to worree about except bad dum consurveetivs.

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34 Responses to “consurned consurveetiv”

  1. Andrew says:

    Wait a minute, that’s not Carl; that’s Arlen Spector in disguise.

  2. Idaho Spud says:

    This looks like Travis and I thought he was dead?

  3. Corona says:

    I love Spelling Nazis.

  4. Master Shake says:

    The quality of George Will’s writing has certainly taken a downturn lately. And when did he replace his bow tie with Groucho glasses?

  5. Stephen says:

    also we shood not lissun to crayzee pairanoyd talk frum bad dum consurveetivs hoo say that libruls want to eet our eyeballs.

    All they wanna do is eat our brains. They’re not unreasonable. I mean, no one’s gonna eat our eyes.

  6. IH8Socialist says:

    Uh this Carl sound like a commie conservitive, kinda like old Arlen. The only thing we really got to worry about is dim bad dum liberals.

  7. LOOMDOG says:

    Oh no, everyday runs an article about how the Republicans are in disarray. I guess the network that employs Chris Matthews and Keith Olberman are fair and objective in their assessment of what the Republicans status is. I will admit some RINO idiots do get more air time than they should. Heck I’ll list the ones who irritate me.

    Meghan McCain
    John McCain
    Colin Powell
    Mel Martinez
    Michael Steele (seriously shut him up)
    Charlie Crist
    Mike Huckabee
    Olympia Snowe
    Arnold Schwarzenegger

    We need more neocon hillbilly jews like Steven Crowder.

  8. Socrates H. Yobama says:

    As a conservative Christian and lifelong Republican, I’m concerned that this site features monkeys so much. Are we not more civilized than that? Can we not celebrate our diverse voices without bringing racist undertones into it?


  9. David Frum says:

    I like this fellow’s viewpoint, and wish to subscribe to his newsletter.

  10. MarkoMancuso says:

    I am David Frum, and I approve this message.

  11. DamnCat says:

    Hey…those glasses…those eyebrows…

    It’s Janeane Garofalo!

  12. Peregrine John says:

    What’s disturbing is that Frank can simulate writing parody like this by a simple cut & paste action from any number of earnest sources. It’s getting hard to out-weird reality.

  13. thor says:

    Liberals, like zombies, are crazed and on a distictly chaotic mission. However, unlike zombies, have absolutely no interest in brains.

  14. Fast Eddie says:

    I cannot imagine a better representative of this site and the entire Republican movement than SEM.

    We should all listen to his wise counsel.

  15. motopolitico says:

    THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for the triumphant return of Scary Evil Monkey. I still hear that voice from the youtube montage. You rock, Frank/Harvey/Basil/Laurence/Ducky/Spacemonkey/Cadet/Sarahk.

  16. ussjimmycarter says:

    So when did Keith Olberman start posting here and why did you edit his material to make it sound so intelligent?

  17. PammyV says:

    The disturbing thing about Scary Evil Monkey is that he thinks and spells like the majority of high school graduates in this country.

    But he is funny.

  18. IH8Socialist says:

    Scary Evil Monkey spells and think like just like all the liberals I’ve seen and meet.

  19. urbuggenme says:

    Sure is a good thing you p-chopped the “grocho glasses” instead of a HUG set of ears… it would have shut down the server running this website.

    I am a respectable, right winged extremist, tea bagging, trailer park living, bigoted, racist, gay bashing homophobe, democrat slamming, liberal trashing, ACLU cussing, gun toting, Muslim hating, SUV driving – gas guzzling, hippies use the side door to enter, cigarette smoking by the No Smoking sign, beer drinking, meat eating, resource wasting, free internet porno watching, God fearing Christian, employed full time, tax paying, white trash redneck and single.

  20. George says:

    What happened to the “No Monkey” rule?

  21. Plentyobailouts says:

    Why does SEM look an awful lot like joe biden?

  22. IP727 says:

    barack o’vomit

  23. Live Free Or Die says:

    Has anyone ever seen Scary Evil Monkey and Space Monkey together at the same time? Is this a Superhero/Secret Identity thing , or is this a multiple personality disorder manifesting itself? Inquiring minds, and the men in white coats want to know.

  24. seanmahair says:

    Ah yes, the Scaremeister is back. Thank goodness I thought maybe he had been drafted by evolution and had begun his transformation into;

    A dinosaur

    A bird

    A fish

    or a lawyer for the ACLU.

    But no the missing link is still missing……..a brain, common sense, decency and or integrity. He’s also a worse speller than I am and that takes talent.

  25. Steve Burri says:

    I have to duplicate this post over on Grandpa John’s with a pertinent family pic wearing the same disguise.

  26. IH8Socialist says:

    Can we taser Scary Evil Monkey?

  27. ozmott says:

    I love the evil monkey!!!!!! you should make him a weekly regular!

  28. Atomic Lib Smasher says:

    I wonder if liberal scary monkey’s brains are considered a delicacy in some countries.

  29. Jimmy says:

    We will not be fooled by this latest disguise! Just remember that this is the same Scary Evil Monkey that always scares us with his evil monkey business! Don’t be fooled by the cleaned-up spelling and punctuation and by all the fancy political talk. He sounds like he’s working for Peelousy! Yeah, sure, He didn’t throw any poo this time – but he will! He’ll be back throwing poo. I just know it.

  30. TerribleTroy says:

    Yessssssshhh….. That Monkeys EVIL is strong………but he needs to work on the scay part. And, I dont care how cool the monkey is…. if he starts flinging feces around……. Im going to have to hit it in the head with a stick…….repeatedly. This techniques also works well on hippies…..

  31. Andrew says:

    The more I look at that picture, the more I think Scary Evil Monkey is actually scarier when he’s in disguise.

  32. RightWingTink says:

    #5 Stephen, I know that song.

  33. Xenophore says:

    I still have nightmares about when Scary Evil Monkey said we should give Nancy Pelosi a little kiss right on the lips.

  34. Estella says:

    I think I used to work for Scary Evil Monkey in drag. I was afraid she would eat my eyeballs. Oh, I’m glad I quit that job when I did!

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