consurned consurveetiv
hello. i am carl the consuveetiv. you hav not seen me befor, but i am a consuveetiv lik u who voted for raygun, hates poor peepul, and reads the blog imoa. i am consurned tho that the reepublikans are going in an extreemust direcshun.
i am consurveetiv who like the jebus and nascar but i do not like all this crazy talk of cutting spending and taxes and not letting teh gheys marree and racist tee partees. we need to stop lissuning to bad dum consurveetivs like limbah who eets the drugs or palin who is stoopid and do not reed. insted we shood lissun to meghan mccain an colon powel hoo ar not dum stoopid neocon heelbilly jues. an we shood not be so meen to obama hoo we must admit has gud ideas.
also we shood not lissun to crayzee pairanoyd talk frum bad dum consurveetivs hoo say that libruls want to eet our eyeballs. this is not troo. an even if it wer troo i am shure dey wood not turn our eyeballs into poo and throw the poo at us. we hav nuthing to worree about except bad dum consurveetivs.
(34 votes, average: 4.79 out of 5)
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May 15th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Wait a minute, that’s not Carl; that’s Arlen Spector in disguise.
May 15th, 2009 at 11:21 am
This looks like Travis and I thought he was dead?
May 15th, 2009 at 11:35 am
I love Spelling Nazis.
May 15th, 2009 at 11:42 am
The quality of George Will’s writing has certainly taken a downturn lately. And when did he replace his bow tie with Groucho glasses?
May 15th, 2009 at 11:44 am
also we shood not lissun to crayzee pairanoyd talk frum bad dum consurveetivs hoo say that libruls want to eet our eyeballs.
All they wanna do is eat our brains. They’re not unreasonable. I mean, no one’s gonna eat our eyes.
May 15th, 2009 at 11:59 am
Uh this Carl sound like a commie conservitive, kinda like old Arlen. The only thing we really got to worry about is dim bad dum liberals.
May 15th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Oh no, everyday MSNBC.com runs an article about how the Republicans are in disarray. I guess the network that employs Chris Matthews and Keith Olberman are fair and objective in their assessment of what the Republicans status is. I will admit some RINO idiots do get more air time than they should. Heck I’ll list the ones who irritate me.
Meghan McCain
John McCain
Colin Powell
Mel Martinez
Michael Steele (seriously shut him up)
Charlie Crist
Mike Huckabee
Olympia Snowe
Arnold Schwarzenegger
We need more neocon hillbilly jews like Steven Crowder.
May 15th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
As a conservative Christian and lifelong Republican, I’m concerned that this site features monkeys so much. Are we not more civilized than that? Can we not celebrate our diverse voices without bringing racist undertones into it?
Peace.
May 15th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
I like this fellow’s viewpoint, and wish to subscribe to his newsletter.
May 15th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
I am David Frum, and I approve this message.
May 15th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Hey…those glasses…those eyebrows…
It’s Janeane Garofalo!
May 15th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
What’s disturbing is that Frank can simulate writing parody like this by a simple cut & paste action from any number of earnest sources. It’s getting hard to out-weird reality.
May 15th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
Liberals, like zombies, are crazed and on a distictly chaotic mission. However, unlike zombies, have absolutely no interest in brains.
May 15th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
I cannot imagine a better representative of this site and the entire Republican movement than SEM.
We should all listen to his wise counsel.
May 15th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for the triumphant return of Scary Evil Monkey. I still hear that voice from the youtube montage. You rock, Frank/Harvey/Basil/Laurence/Ducky/Spacemonkey/Cadet/Sarahk.
May 15th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
So when did Keith Olberman start posting here and why did you edit his material to make it sound so intelligent?
May 15th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
The disturbing thing about Scary Evil Monkey is that he thinks and spells like the majority of high school graduates in this country.
But he is funny.
May 15th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
Scary Evil Monkey spells and think like just like all the liberals I’ve seen and meet.
May 15th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Sure is a good thing you p-chopped the “grocho glasses” instead of a HUG set of ears… it would have shut down the server running this website.
I am a respectable, right winged extremist, tea bagging, trailer park living, bigoted, racist, gay bashing homophobe, democrat slamming, liberal trashing, ACLU cussing, gun toting, Muslim hating, SUV driving – gas guzzling, hippies use the side door to enter, cigarette smoking by the No Smoking sign, beer drinking, meat eating, resource wasting, free internet porno watching, God fearing Christian, employed full time, tax paying, white trash redneck and single.
May 15th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
What happened to the “No Monkey” rule?
May 15th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Why does SEM look an awful lot like joe biden?
May 15th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
barack o’vomit
May 15th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
Has anyone ever seen Scary Evil Monkey and Space Monkey together at the same time? Is this a Superhero/Secret Identity thing , or is this a multiple personality disorder manifesting itself? Inquiring minds, and the men in white coats want to know.
May 15th, 2009 at 7:56 pm
Ah yes, the Scaremeister is back. Thank goodness I thought maybe he had been drafted by evolution and had begun his transformation into;
A dinosaur
A bird
A fish
or a lawyer for the ACLU.
But no the missing link is still missing……..a brain, common sense, decency and or integrity. He’s also a worse speller than I am and that takes talent.
May 15th, 2009 at 9:03 pm
I have to duplicate this post over on Grandpa John’s with a pertinent family pic wearing the same disguise.
May 15th, 2009 at 9:45 pm
Can we taser Scary Evil Monkey?
May 15th, 2009 at 11:26 pm
I love the evil monkey!!!!!! you should make him a weekly regular!
……………….lisa
May 16th, 2009 at 2:45 am
I wonder if liberal scary monkey’s brains are considered a delicacy in some countries.
May 16th, 2009 at 11:19 am
We will not be fooled by this latest disguise! Just remember that this is the same Scary Evil Monkey that always scares us with his evil monkey business! Don’t be fooled by the cleaned-up spelling and punctuation and by all the fancy political talk. He sounds like he’s working for Peelousy! Yeah, sure, He didn’t throw any poo this time – but he will! He’ll be back throwing poo. I just know it.
May 16th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
Yessssssshhh….. That Monkeys EVIL is strong………but he needs to work on the scay part. And, I dont care how cool the monkey is…. if he starts flinging feces around……. Im going to have to hit it in the head with a stick…….repeatedly. This techniques also works well on hippies…..
May 16th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
The more I look at that picture, the more I think Scary Evil Monkey is actually scarier when he’s in disguise.
May 17th, 2009 at 6:03 pm
#5 Stephen, I know that song.
May 18th, 2009 at 1:36 am
I still have nightmares about when Scary Evil Monkey said we should give Nancy Pelosi a little kiss right on the lips.
May 18th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
I think I used to work for Scary Evil Monkey in drag. I was afraid she would eat my eyeballs. Oh, I’m glad I quit that job when I did!