Curling Facts
Curling, the only Winter Olympics sport that matters, starts today. Be there, or be a detestable sissy who should die horribly while we all laugh. If you don’t know much about curling — like because you suck and are stupid — here are some curling facts:
CURLING FACTS
* The movie Death Race 2000 was loosely based on curling.
* Curling has been described as shuffleboard plus ice plus chess times football plus ninjas times a grizzly bear plus a nuclear explosion minus badminton.
* Curling is banned in most of Europe due to making their heads explode with its awesomeness
* The stones in curling are made from brimstone mined from the very depths of hell.
* Placing a stone perfectly in the house has been rated the hardest act in any sport, harder than hitting a fast ball or catching the golden snitch.
* Due to the excitement, curling is not recommended for the elderly, those with heart conditions, pregnant women, and people who suck and don’t like awesome things.
* In ancient times, only the greatest, strongest warriors were chosen to play curling… and housewives good at sweeping.
* No one is sure where curling came from, but most guess it was a collaborative project of Chuck Norris, Mr. T, Jack Bauer, and Fred Thompson.
So make sure to root for USA in curling, or I will flay you alive and make a jaunty hat out of your skin.
(25 votes, average: 4.60 out of 5)
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February 16th, 2010 at 11:13 am
- Curling can cause spontaneous pregnancy, even viewed on television (in HD).
- Sarah Palin enjoys curling from a helicopter.
- Fred Thompson enjoys curling with his mind.
- When I was a kid we did our curling when it was a lot colder, with more snow, and the ice was uphill both ways.
February 16th, 2010 at 11:36 am
Curling, golf, kilts, and the bagpipes all came out of Scotland, along with an indecipherable dialect of the English language. However when compared to the Irish they are still a nation of geniuses.
February 16th, 2010 at 11:38 am
Don’t think of curling as throwing rocks on ice: Think of it as tossing really big frozen hand grenades.
And you have to love any sport that has rules in the official rulebook that cover who will buy the drinks after a match.
February 16th, 2010 at 11:46 am
If it wasn’t for curling and basketball, and that ski event where they shoot at Nazis the winter Olympics would pass by unnoticed.
February 16th, 2010 at 11:50 am
It’s incredible, a sport that requires players to get drunk, throw a stone on the ice, and sweep the ice with a broom for no apparent reason. God bless Scotland.
February 16th, 2010 at 11:52 am
- You don’t have to have big stones to play, but it helps.
- Curling: What the Scottish did to relax after pillaging England
- Just as boxing gave way to mixed martial arts, the UFC must give way to curling
- Curling : The perfect combination of skill, strategy and carpet-bombing.
February 16th, 2010 at 12:19 pm
“If the people raise a great howl against my barbarity and cruelty, I will answer that curling is curling, and not popularity seeking.”
–William T. Sherman
February 16th, 2010 at 12:25 pm
http://sports.yahoo.com/olympics/vancouver/blog/fourth_place_medal/post/Canadian-curler-is-five-months-pregnant?urn=oly,219941
A pregnant curler – playing for Canada! Frank – she must be more amazing than Harry Potter or Mary Poppins with a broom!
February 16th, 2010 at 12:28 pm
Putun: And what’s this? “I am become death, the destroyer of worlds”.
Ramius: It is an ancient Hindu text, quoted by a Scotsman. He invented curling, and he was later blamed for the deaths of millions.
February 16th, 2010 at 12:29 pm
Currrrrrliiiiizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz — Soccer, but with white people.
February 16th, 2010 at 12:32 pm
I used to love curling but all the rowdy, disgusting curling hooligans have ruined a once great sport.
Now I watch hockey – much more civilized.
February 16th, 2010 at 1:06 pm
Bah.. curling is the Nobel Peace Prize of the Olympics. It’s the “feel-good” Olympic “sport” where even janitors get a chance at a medal for doing nothing.
February 16th, 2010 at 1:25 pm
Fixed that one for ya, Plentyo.
February 16th, 2010 at 1:39 pm
12# MarkoMancuso says:
February 16th, 2010 at 1:25 pm
No need to be redundant.
February 16th, 2010 at 1:50 pm
Larry, Moe, and Curling. Nyuck nyuck nycuk
Or in this case…canyuck canyuck canuck
(sorry)
February 16th, 2010 at 1:57 pm
Curling is so awesome, it’s been added to the Google logo for a day.
Curling is the preferred sport of Navy Seals, Green Berets, and Ronald Regan.
When the French try to play curling, they instantly burst into flames from sheer awesomeness.
In 1982, a medium sized nation in Africa suggested that curling be removed from the Olympic roster. No one knows the name of that country because it was stricken from all records and it was then nuked into a fine red powder.
The powerful Swiffer lobby has been trying to remove the brooms from curling and replace them with Wet-Jets but they will soon learn that nobody messes with the broom cartels without being forced to consume nutrients for the rest of their lives through a tube.
February 16th, 2010 at 3:41 pm
All you guys can laugh at curling all you want, but tell me another sport where the women wear supertight clothes, sweep until they sweat, and scream “Hard! Harder! HURRRYYYYY!!!!”
I can masturbate more times during one women’s curling match than during an entire day of women’s beach volleyball.
QED.
February 16th, 2010 at 4:05 pm
Bah, furrin sports.
You know how you can tell it’s not an American sport?
If it had been, it’d be done with Jarts and the defending team would have to try to block the sharpened Jarts before they hit the ice or until their blood covers the bull’s eye.
Americans don’t draw a target to use for some pansy frozen shuffleboard, we do it to shoot bullets or arrows or to throw darts at.
What a waste of a target.
It’s like making an effigy of a hippy and not punching it.
February 16th, 2010 at 4:12 pm
All bow down to the awesomeness that is the greatess sport of all time, the greatest sport known to mankind, the greatest sport in the Universe…….. curling
February 16th, 2010 at 4:20 pm
Darn it. America lost the first round of curling. Makes sense, though. Janitor work is officially a job Americans don’t want so we just aren’t any good at the sport.
February 16th, 2010 at 4:26 pm
Curling is how they built the pyramids. Of course that was before global warming.
February 16th, 2010 at 4:27 pm
Curling would be more awesome if the women were folding laundry instead of sweeping.
February 16th, 2010 at 4:45 pm
The day I knew IMAO was heading downhill was the day someone talked about his masturbation habits.
February 16th, 2010 at 5:48 pm
Well Marko, when you look at his avatar, it’s no wonder.
February 16th, 2010 at 5:51 pm
@17 Darrell — 15 minute penalty for sharing.
February 16th, 2010 at 6:48 pm
Aquaman curls.
February 16th, 2010 at 8:04 pm
Just during the Olympics, Marko. The rest of the time I don’t masturbate any more than any other guy.
February 16th, 2010 at 8:06 pm
Plentyobailouts,
Well, I know what I’ll be doing in the penalty box.
February 16th, 2010 at 11:18 pm
Oooh, kingaljr, that’s cold.
February 17th, 2010 at 2:09 am
Curling fans are only there in hopes of seeing blood on the ice.
February 23rd, 2010 at 8:51 am
I’ve started to get interested in curling through observing the olympics in Vancover Canada. To begin with it appeared like a shorter and sweet version of cricket but now I gather it has all the strategy of a chess game. At the moment I am taking in as much as I can on the matches from the Internet. Then next stop will be lining up somewhere to have a practice like the local skating rink.