In My World: Sarah Palin’s Alaska

Posted on December 9, 2010 12:01 pm

Transcript from Sarah Palin’s Alaska.

SARAH PALIN: “Hello! Welcome to Sarah Palin’s Alaska, the show where you get to see the beauty of Alaska while we brutalize all the wildlife in it.”

PIPER PALIN: “I found a bunny rabbit in our backyard. I punched it in the face.”

SARAH: “Isn’t she precious? I try to instill in my children the values I was taught such as not letting nature push you around.”

WILLOW PALIN: “Die fish! Die!”

SARAH: “Willow is demonstrating a common technique of repeatedly whacking a fish against a rock and then throwing its corpse back in the lake. This tells fish to stay out of our way. Of course, you don’t always do that by killing things. The other day I took my Glock and knee-capped a moose. When other moose see him lying there bleeding, they’ll know not to mess with the Palins. If only the lame-stream media were that smart.”

TODD PALIN: “The new piano is here.”

SARAH: “Oh. Good. We really needed a new piano because already cut all the wire out of the last one to make garrotes. Last one I used to strangle a grizzly bear; I’m the only mama grizzly in these parts. Anyway, let me show you the guest we have downstairs in the basement.”

AARON SORKIN: “You’re a crazy redneck! I hope you die!”

SARAH: “We don’t like this person, so we kidnapped, put him in our basement, and are now waterboarding him.”

SORKIN: “You crazy… gurgle…”

SARAH: “You may wonder if that’s legal, but remember we’re really far away. Like if this were a live show — which it isn’t — and you wanted to run to his rescue, it would take you hours by plane just to get here. Plus, we’re a very large state and you’ll never find me. So essentially I’m above the law.”

SORKIN: “I’ll tell you anything!”

SARAH: “I think I — and the American people — have made it pretty clear we don’t care to hear anything you liberals have to say.”

SORKIN: “Somebody help me!”

PIPER: “That man is funny. I’ll get more water.”

SARAH: “Well, tune in next week when we drive around in a jeep trying to knock the heads off a caribou with a baseball bat. That’s the way we do things in Alaska, and if any of you have a problem with, remember that no one in my family would bat an eye at killing you.”

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23 Responses to “In My World: Sarah Palin’s Alaska”

  1. storm1911 says:

    Next week on Sarah Palin’s Alaska: the Palins invite Pelosi and the Democrat leadership to Alaska for a moose hunting trip. The Palins will supply Nancy and Co. with brown hunting vests and giant antler hunter’s hats. For safety, of course.

  2. DamnCat says:

    SARAH: “Of course, we here in Alaska know how important it is to manage resources. We never let anything go to waste. When we’re done with Mr. Sorkin we’ll grind him into chum for the family fishing business”

  3. ussjimmycarter says:

    Plans are secretly underway so don’t tell anyone. The entire Congressional Black Caucus has been invited to Alaska to see the Grizzly Bear up close. Sarah is going to hike them deep into the woods where hundreds of them are feeding in some stream, then she’s going to whack each one on the head and push them over the cliff into the water! Now that’s taking care of Mama Grizzlies little ones! I think she’s going to use her Halibut Club which should work quite nicely since none of these congressmen are smarter than a Halibut!

  4. zzyzx says:

    Sorkin, you incredible moron. Do you know that Alaska has almost twice as many caribou as people? Alaska’s human population numbers around 600,000 (thank God), while there are over one million caribou in the state. Many residents of this state hunt caribou to put meat on the dinner table. Most (but not all) are people who live in the remote interior where jobs are as few and far between as are supermarkets. Many (but not all) are Native Americans who, for generations, have been hunting, fishing, and trapping to survive life in the interior. Also we have some of the strictest hunting regulations in the country…no one in Alaska, not even an ex-governor hosting a TV show, is allowed to shoot a caribou and not harvest the meat. Even among liberal Hollywood whiners your stupidly and ignorance is noteworthy.

  5. Son of Bob says:

    It’s fun to picture all the liberals sitting around at White House parties or democrat fundraisers eating their steak and lobster and bitching about how Sarah Palin killed an animal or some sea life.

  6. Jeff H says:

    *sigh* If only that were true…

    …it’d make want to vote for her even more.

  7. MarkoMancuso says:

    This must be the new and improved Palin.

  8. Burmashave says:

    PALIN: Next week we’ll show you a few of the family favorites. Todd and I will go wolf hunting from a helicopter. Up here we use flamethrowers. That way the wolf is killed and cooked in one go. Then, we’ll go trout fishing with papa Palin and pick up a few pointers. When I was a little girl, he’d always tell me, “The fish always rise for dynamite.”

  9. nightfly says:

    TODD: Now, Piper… why did you punch that adorable bunny in the face?
    PIPER: He was a hippie!
    TODD: Good girl!

  10. storm1911 says:

    Burma and nightfly… LOL

  11. Proud Infidel says:

    SARAH: Tune in next week when feed hippies to the grizzlies. After we club them on their ugly hippie faces.
    PIPER: Waaaaaah! I wanna club some hippies NOW!
    SARAH: Now, now, Piper, be patient. Here, you can club Nancy Pelosi for now.

  12. Jimmy says:

    Is it just me, or does Frank make her sound kind of “wide-eyed?”

  13. plentyobailouts says:

    I have come to the conclusion that moose and carribou meat causes brain damage. Or the population of alaska is as inbred as they are in massachewsits and nuyerk passing on the marxist gene. Which would explain the same proportion of liberals in alaska as in commiefornistan. Only brain damaged marxists would write in a marxist senator over a good American like Joe Miller.
    Why wasn’t palin out hunting marxists instead of those poor poor innocent, albeit tasty carribou?

  14. Bob K says:

    This was largely a pretty inane post. It would have been fresh and clever – for a 12 year old.

  15. Ernie Loco says:

    Frank: Awesome! It’s great to see IMW back after a while.

    Bob: You’re a jackass. Quit trolling and go back to DU or DKos where they appreciate your special type of stupid.

  16. Jimmy says:

    Ernie, maybe Bob is just a “jackwagon” with no self esteem. He might need a tissue. Here’s a tissue, Bob. [thunk]

  17. TheHat says:

    WTF is your problem asshole?

  18. Asshole says:

    WTF is your problem asshole?

    Well, TheHat, my biggest problem is that I smell an aweful lot like Bob K’s breath…..

  19. Scott says:

    I’m ambivalent about Sarah Palin. But I’m exasperated with the frequency with which she is the subject of threads on blogs. Geezez, give it a rest. Your gossip about her has become trite and tedious.

  20. Jimmy says:

    You know, I’d move to Alaska except for several things:

    (1) It’s too fricken cold in the winter.
    (2) Boats get iced-over in the winter.
    (3) It rains too much in the summer.
    (4) Good soil in most places is in short supply.
    (4) The mosquitoes there carry guns and number in the Trillions.

    BTW, Scott. Frank’s post isn’t “gossip.” It’s “in his world.”

  21. 4of7 says:

    I’m going to send my mom my copy of Sarah Palin’s ‘Going Rogue’ for Christmas.
    She’s gotten everything she knows about Sarah Palin from Angry Ed Schultz at MSNBC.
    He’s from Fargo, ND, don’tchaknow, so she believes everything he says. (sigh)

  22. Kent says:

    Apparently some liberal journalists went ballistic – scratch that. Went incontinent over the hunting episode recently.
    Remember when Reagan fired all the air traffic controllers and the rival nations suddenly realized he wasn’t a pushover like Carter? I’m thinking a Palin/Nugent 2012 campaign alone would keep security a bit tighter. Why do you think Putin caps critters on a regular basis?

  23. Bloodthirsty Warmonger says:

    Another case of life imitating art: Kate Gosselin and her kids go camping with Sarah Palin & family at
    http://spectator.org/blog/2010/12/13/kate-gosselin-makes-sarah-pali

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