Straight Line of the Day: Obama Just Proposed a New Piece of Legislation…

[High Praise! to T-dog]

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Obama just proposed a new piece of legislation…

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45 Comments

  1. Declaring every day “National Barack Obama gets to Golf Day”

    Making the Constitution the Unconstitution

    Making it a “right” that everyone has an Obama Shrine in their living room, with a tax (read individual mandate) for those that don’t

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  2. . . . taxing individuals who fail to purchase abortions for themselves or for their families, hundreds and possibly thousands of dollars for each non-abortion-purchasing-year, in order to support “access to” (i.e., 100% free) abortions for college sluts students. Oh, no, wait, that already is a law. “It’s Constitutional, b!tches!”

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  3. … and you’re racist if you oppose it

    … but no worries: he’ll only enforce it if he feels like it

    … and it’s not a tax… but it is a tax…. but it’s not a tax…. but it is a tax….

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  4. Senate: “Now that’s a really silly piece of legislation you’ve got there, Mr President”.
    Obama: “Yes, but I think that with your help I could make it even more silly.”

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  5. instituting Obama Standard Time in which every equinox the clocks are moved randomly forward or backward the amount of hours equivalent to Obama’s sinlge d20 roll + his Charisma modifier. It’s for the environment. And the children.

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  6. …actually, somebody else proposed it, he’s just taking credit.

    …because it’s the right thing to do.

    …mandating that people let him be clear so he doesn’t have to constantly ask permission.

    …mandating American buy a teleprompter (as a tax) so he’ll always have access to one (executive privilege).

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  7. … and the anchors at NBC now need a change of underwear

    … and “What a fantastic idea!” thought nobody at all.

    … and the American people are starting to wonder if they can cross the border south

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  8. … that it now is officially called a Sh@# Hemorrhage and must be treated medically or you have to pay a tax. Dying to pee may fall under Death Panel rules if you are wearing Depends, otherwise you have to hold it or Holder will hold you responsible for tax evasion if you don’t die.

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  9. declaring that the economy will now begin growing at a constant 5% and unemployment no longer exists. Yes, it’s that easy. And next Michelle’s bill: ending the overweight crisis by declaring that Earth’s gravity is reduced by 25%.

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  10. …that will replace the Bill or Rights with Sharia law

    …that declares him Super-Duper President which means he can play with ALL the Legos without sharing, he can stay up past his bedtime, and he can have as many pudding snacks as he wants

    …and then he returned to fingerpainting

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  11. … that mandates anyone who invents a time machine must go back in time and fix the economy. This will have surprisingly widespread support as a valid use of tax powers and Obama will win a second term — not because of this idiotic bill since time travel is impossible, but because it will distract people from Obama changing his name to iconseed, so that whenever anyone addresses him they’ll say, “President, I concede”. SCOTUS will find that while Romney did not intend to concede, it literally sounded like he did.

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  12. Exercising his new Supreme Court approved powers to use taxes as a penalty for not behaving as desired, Obama proposes legislation stating that anyone who does not donate to his campaign shall be taxed with a $20,000 fine.

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