Straight Line of the Day: Obama Just Proposed a New Piece of Legislation…
[High Praise! to T-dog]
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Obama just proposed a new piece of legislation…
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(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
June 29th, 2012 at 12:03 pm
…declaring December 25th “Barack Obama Day”.
June 29th, 2012 at 12:16 pm
…and an angel got its period.
June 29th, 2012 at 12:21 pm
You spelled piece of S*%T wrong.
June 29th, 2012 at 12:26 pm
Declaring every day “National Barack Obama gets to Golf Day”
Making the Constitution the Unconstitution
Making it a “right” that everyone has an Obama Shrine in their living room, with a tax (read individual mandate) for those that don’t
June 29th, 2012 at 12:28 pm
..that makes it illegal to teach the Constitution in school.
June 29th, 2012 at 12:28 pm
occupant just proposed a new piece of legislation… If you don’t bow to me peasant, you will pay a tax.
June 29th, 2012 at 12:33 pm
…mandating that every individual must purchase 30 pounds of arugula every week in an effort to subsidize arugula farmers in the Mediterranean.
June 29th, 2012 at 12:37 pm
requiring every American to be accompanied by a unicorn at all times
June 29th, 2012 at 12:46 pm
. . .Outlawing america forever, the drone strikes begin in fifteen minutes.
June 29th, 2012 at 1:02 pm
…and the American people defecated a brick.
June 29th, 2012 at 1:09 pm
…and even the Democrats wouldn’t vote for it.
June 29th, 2012 at 1:28 pm
… And Nancy Pelosi cheered!
June 29th, 2012 at 1:29 pm
Son of Bob – You bastard!
I’m alone in the house and I laughed out loud, now my cats are looking at me like I’m nuts.
More so than usual, I mean…
June 29th, 2012 at 2:08 pm
…And once I feel a great need to become gambrinous tonight.
June 29th, 2012 at 2:22 pm
. . . taxing individuals who fail to purchase abortions for themselves or for their families, hundreds and possibly thousands of dollars for each non-abortion-purchasing-year, in order to support “access to” (i.e., 100% free) abortions for college
slutsstudents. Oh, no, wait, that already is a law. “It’s Constitutional, b!tches!”June 29th, 2012 at 2:39 pm
… and you’re racist if you oppose it
… but no worries: he’ll only enforce it if he feels like it
… and it’s not a tax… but it is a tax…. but it’s not a tax…. but it is a tax….
June 29th, 2012 at 2:43 pm
Outlawing The Constitution.
June 29th, 2012 at 2:58 pm
Oh, wonderful, now we must pass it so we can read it!
June 29th, 2012 at 3:02 pm
taxing people for buying medical insurance as well.
June 29th, 2012 at 3:02 pm
and taxing people for not buying Dreams of My Father.
June 29th, 2012 at 3:03 pm
Senate: “Now that’s a really silly piece of legislation you’ve got there, Mr President”.
Obama: “Yes, but I think that with your help I could make it even more silly.”
June 29th, 2012 at 3:15 pm
instituting Obama Standard Time in which every equinox the clocks are moved randomly forward or backward the amount of hours equivalent to Obama’s sinlge d20 roll + his Charisma modifier. It’s for the environment. And the children.
June 29th, 2012 at 3:21 pm
…actually, somebody else proposed it, he’s just taking credit.
…because it’s the right thing to do.
…mandating that people let him be clear so he doesn’t have to constantly ask permission.
…mandating American buy a teleprompter (as a tax) so he’ll always have access to one (executive privilege).
June 29th, 2012 at 3:24 pm
declaring the US national dish to be Terrier Tartare with a puppy smoothie chaser.
June 29th, 2012 at 3:38 pm
… and the anchors at NBC now need a change of underwear
… and “What a fantastic idea!” thought nobody at all.
… and the American people are starting to wonder if they can cross the border south
June 29th, 2012 at 3:39 pm
… declaring it legal for any past or current POTUS to declare a ‘mulligan’ on any stroke on any hole (that’s what she said)
June 29th, 2012 at 3:48 pm
….declaring that anyone who doubts anyone who says they are 1/32 Cherokee has to sit at a table with Joe Biden and drink a light beer.
Nooooooo!
June 29th, 2012 at 3:56 pm
declaring Kenya the 58th state of the union.
June 29th, 2012 at 4:26 pm
…and that thrill up Chris Matthews leg? It’s moved…
June 29th, 2012 at 4:34 pm
… that it now is officially called a Sh@# Hemorrhage and must be treated medically or you have to pay a tax. Dying to pee may fall under Death Panel rules if you are wearing Depends, otherwise you have to hold it or Holder will hold you responsible for tax evasion if you don’t die.
June 29th, 2012 at 4:45 pm
“…and we can still smell it.”
June 29th, 2012 at 4:56 pm
and it was Bush’s fault.
June 29th, 2012 at 5:01 pm
…declaring March “Canine Cuisine” month.
June 29th, 2012 at 5:09 pm
declaring that the economy will now begin growing at a constant 5% and unemployment no longer exists. Yes, it’s that easy. And next Michelle’s bill: ending the overweight crisis by declaring that Earth’s gravity is reduced by 25%.
June 29th, 2012 at 5:29 pm
outlawing dinosaurs with rocket launchers and moon-nuking.
June 29th, 2012 at 6:38 pm
And now I cant find my dog!
June 29th, 2012 at 6:49 pm
forbidding the cloning of Andrew Breitbart.
June 29th, 2012 at 7:33 pm
…that will replace the Bill or Rights with Sharia law
…that declares him Super-Duper President which means he can play with ALL the Legos without sharing, he can stay up past his bedtime, and he can have as many pudding snacks as he wants
…and then he returned to fingerpainting
June 29th, 2012 at 8:44 pm
… that mandates anyone who invents a time machine must go back in time and fix the economy. This will have surprisingly widespread support as a valid use of tax powers and Obama will win a second term — not because of this idiotic bill since time travel is impossible, but because it will distract people from Obama changing his name to iconseed, so that whenever anyone addresses him they’ll say, “President, I concede”. SCOTUS will find that while Romney did not intend to concede, it literally sounded like he did.
June 29th, 2012 at 8:48 pm
Dang, CarolyntheMommy pulling out the that’s what she said. Well done.
June 29th, 2012 at 9:56 pm
… releasing Justice Roberts’ mother from GITMO
June 29th, 2012 at 10:00 pm
and Bill Ayers didn’t write it for him…
June 29th, 2012 at 10:02 pm
declaring himself Dog Catcher For Life…
July 1st, 2012 at 12:45 am
Exercising his new Supreme Court approved powers to use taxes as a penalty for not behaving as desired, Obama proposes legislation stating that anyone who does not donate to his campaign shall be taxed with a $20,000 fine.
July 1st, 2012 at 9:06 am
… that retroactively, starting on January 1, 2009 we will live in a nation where I am not judged by the content of my character, but by the color of my skin!