Straight Line of the Day: The Most Surprising Item in the New Vanity Fair Piece on President Obama…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The most surprising item in the new Vanity Fair piece on President Obama…

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55 Comments

  1. … is that Obama comes out of the closet. Detractors immediately note that as a lame duck, he risks pretty much nothing for this “brave” act.

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  2. … due to the amount of puffery included, the magazine is actually lighter than air.

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  3. The most surprising item in the new Vanity Fair piece on President Obama…

    1) …is that the author could actually write it while on his knees

    2) …is that it doubles as an emetic.

    3) …is that it came printed on a roll of toilet paper.

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  4. … is that the president had time for interviews and photos, what with attending security and economic meetin… ok, almost got through that with a straight face.

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  5. …is that many suspect it was written by Bill Ayers.

    …is that they used the word “awsome” only 347 times.

    …is how appropriate the magazine title is to the subject matter.

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  6. … is that they accidentally included that one photo of the reporter… er… “paying lip service” to Obama.

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  7. . . . is the announcement that Vanity Fair, effective with its next issue, will be changing its name to Vanity Poor.

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  8. … is the chilling recounting of the horrible 11 minutes when the teleprompter was on the fritz, leaving the reporter in the room with a catatonic Obama.

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  9. … is the humorous but awkward recollection of sending Biden on a snipe hunt, which Obama ended with claiming he’d already shot all the snipe at Camp David.

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  10. … is that after seeing the photo spread, Laura Bush had to physically refrain GWB from “going up there to show that punk some proper respect for the office”.

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  11. is that the fairness doctrine requires that Vanity fair include a rebuttal from the actual Messiah.

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  12. …is that it contained a centerfold of the Won’s teleprompter.

    …is that Obama revealed HIS new bangs.

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  13. … is his fall fascism preview.

    … is the way he asked, quiveringly, if this meant he was no longer in vogue.

    … is that “What is your favorite color?” is actually the toughest question the press has asked him.

    … is that the cover story was going to be on Fast & Furious, but they couldn’t think of one.

    … is that they photographed him through a bengauzi lens.

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  14. …it’s not the first time a giant douche has appeared in the magazine, just the first time as a featured article.

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  15. . . . is that Obama finally scraped what was left of the constitution off the bottom of his shoe.

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  16. …is that there is a photograph of somebody bowing TO HIM for once!

    …is learning that he doesn’t even stand up to pee!

    …is that the only activity that gets him to stand up is golf!

    …is that he likes to put his feet up on the Resolute Desk which was gifted to President Rutherford B. Hayes by Queen Victoria in 1880. Hey at least something in the Oval Office has resolve!

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  17. is when Obama discusses his Christian Faith and then corrects himself, “er, muslim faith”.

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  18. …is when he admits that his ass DOES get jealous because of all the sh!t that comes out of his mouth.

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  19. The most surprising item in the new Vanity Fair piece on President Obama…

    …was the naked, pregnant picture of the President on the cover.

    …was his admission to being the worst President ever, or was that The Onion?

    …even the articles were lies.

    …was nothing, absolutely nothing, nothing, nothing….honestly, nothing.

    …was Obama’s admission to having a “thing” for Justin Bieber.

    …he honestly thought Kenya was one of the 57 states.

    …his admission that yes, he was drunk as a skunk when he proposed to Michelle.

    …he tends to not put the right foot in when he Hokey-Pokey’s.

    …has all the episodes of “Golden Girls” on his Ipod.

    …was all set to come out as gay, until Jason Collins stole his thunder. The Biatch.

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  20. …is the groundbreaking sniff and scratch insert.

    …was his promise to give free mourning after pills to all Americans when he leaves office.

    …is that he often fails the security checks he has to go through to get into the star studded events he puts on at the White House.

    …the first 83 million names on his kill list just happen to be conservative Christians.

    …to gain street cred he lied that he once shot a man in a Renault just to watch him drive.

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  21. Was when the reporter offered that Obama was nearly as arrogant as Nixon, and Obama replied that “Nixon was a Piker!

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  22. …is that he spends most of his non golfing time around gay atheletes and admitting he is not familiar with his so called wife, Michelle.

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  23. …..is that he is really, really afeared of that there Dirt Devil RoomMate Robotic Hard Floor Vacuum

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  24. no offense to any any of the winners of the last straight line, but Harvey, can you start picking the winners? anonymiss’s funny is broke.

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  25. I think she’s doing a fine job.

    Remember, the selections are admittedly (and proudly) subjective.

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  26. @47 – Sorry, cynic, I have no input on it. NP judges straight lines however they want.

    If you want to win, you need to figure out now to impress the judge.

    Hint: using the word “cookies” can’t hurt.

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  27. Was that they left out his inability to read, and the fact that he lost his Audio Book on the Constitution in 1986.

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  28. …was that to save trees a chef will come to your house and use icing to spell out the words on ………..COOKIES!!!!!!!!!!

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  29. subjective is what the big o thinks about thr constitution.
    I guess I’d rather have it be funny than win…

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  30. …was how he was dissing Kriss Kross and Mack Daddy for their part in a long-standing East Coast/West Coast rap war “that they might have started, but Drake will finish.”

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  31. @52 – Cynic, I’ll be blunt. You’re being rude right now.

    If you don’t like the way the straight lines are being judged, start your own blog, make your own judgments, and send me a link to your judgment post. I’ll link yours, too.

    Meanwhile, this whole thing is supposed to be fun. If you don’t want to have fun, then you probably aren’t the target audience for this.

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  32. Pingback: IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged!

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