John Hawkins has always made it a cause of his to help new bloggers, and he recently posted 11 tips for bloggers. Now, I don’t usually give tips to bloggers, because I hate the idea of their being other blogs that distract from me. I also fear of another Scrappleface emerging (“Oh, let’s only mention Scrappleface when we talk about funny blogs. Let’s ignore IMAO. Isn’t Scrappleface a genius for coming up with ‘Axis of Weasels’ even though IMAO had like the exact same joke that day.”)
Damn you, Scrappleface!
Anyway, here are ten tips for new bloggers:
1. Don’t f**k with me. I will destroy you.
2. Don’t just blog about what everyone else is blogging about. If you can’t find anything unique to comment upon, make up a news story and put a phony link to the story that just leads to a broken link screen.
3. Steal from other bloggers. Catch another blogger just as he or she posts a new post. Then steal the whole text and post it with the date saying you posted it even earlier. Then accuse that other blogger of stealing from you.
4. Be a sexy woman and put up a picture of yourself. People like to listen to sexy women… or pretend to listen.
5. Buy a Nuke the Moon t-shirt, take a picture of yourself wearing it and holding a weapon, and then e-mail it to me for my future Peace Gallery where you will get a free link to your site.
6. Steal someone else’s identity. Everyone thinks that’s cute.
7. As Michele well knows, the best way to get more traffic: boobies.
8. Pose shirtless on your main page.
9. Suck up to Glenn Reynolds… or spread vicious lies about him.
10. Post lots of links to my page. Then people will know you are smart.
If you’d only let people know what IMAO stands for, they’d be willing to speak of it in the same breath as Scrappleface.
IMHO means In My Humble Opinion
I’d say
IMAO means In My A**inine Opinion
But that’s just my opinion.
Would stealing a copy of your logo, making my own own nuke the moon shirt, and then taking a picture, holding a gun, count?
No. That would be pure evil, and your website would be forever hexed.
Damn. Then I’ll just order a t-shirt then.
So Frank j. you are suggesting that us new bloggers take the FoxNews approach and regardless of our content to put pretty blondes on the site? Maybe I can find some pretty women who are studying for the bar to pose for me??? maybe not
We already had a contest to resolve the meaning of IMAO.
I’ll use those great tips, GO TO MY BLOG NOW!!!!!
Weblogging Tips
For newbie webloggers or for veterans like myself, here are some weblogging tips I’ve found. John Hawkins is a generous
Another great tip: black type on black background for the main page, decorated by dark blue links. Visible comments. Ancient Netscape.
Great tips! I’ll be watching for Austin B. I’d like to see how they workout for him. 😉
I’ve heard about the infamous Michele boobies, but I’ve never been able to spot them.
And I think I know what IMAO stands for but I’m afraid to say it here. Who knows if Frank J. really wants the populace informed of his secret society thingy….
Don’t be so quick to demand what IMAO stands for. A little mystery is good.
Think about all those TV shows where the male and the female lead never have sex, and everybody thinks they should. And then, when they do, the show isn’t quite the same. OK, it usually sucks.
Or how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
I desperately want to know as well, but half the fun is trying to find out.
Rumor has it that the entire ScrappleFace blog consists of nothing but IMAO stories, lightly edited to delete obscenities.