While in my first caption contest I got over eighty entries, almost no one tried to caption my last one. I guess the picture was too scary (anyone know what type of monkey that is, BTW?). So I declare myself the winner with my title caption of:
“Buy My T-shirt, or I Won’t Kill This Monkey”
Thus I get the prize of having a song written in my honor. Actually, this is a song I wrote some time ago when I one day decided I needed a theme song.
So here it is…
THE FRANK J. THEME SONG
****Verse 1****
Who is better than the average man?
Frank J.!
Who has never visited Japan?
Frank J.!
Who’s favorite juice flavors have the prefix “Cran”?
Frank J.!
Who is feared like a god across the nation,
Reacts to even the slightest kidding with great indignation,
And killed more Commies than starvation?
The answer to that is just one man…
F-R-A-N-K
Frank J.!
****Verse 2****
Who thinks reading about quarks is lots of fun?
Frank J.!
Who solves every problem with a gun?
Frank J.!
Who would like nothing better than to destroy the sun?
Frank J.!
Who always remembers to pay the rent,
Likes to use the word “ebullient,”
Would nuke France if elected president,
And is more fierce than Atilla the Hun? (There’s just one)
F-R-A-N-K
Frank J.!
****Verse 3****
Who is better than you and better than me?
Frank J.!
Who floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee?
Frank J.!
Who claims you’re a moron and then, after you speak, replies “Q.E.D.”?
Frank J.!
Who thinks people who vote Democrat are quite odd,
Likes to eat peas in a pod,
Will most likely one day be God,
And thus, when referring to him, you’ll have to capitalize “He”?
F-R-A-N-K
Frank J.!
****Verse 4****
To whose greatness can you not compare?
Frank J.!
Who is smarter than the average bear?
Frank J.!
Who calls any guy a hippy if he has long hair?
Frank J.!
Who, unlike Clinton, never lies,
Likes to eat McDonald’s fries,
And want’s to decide who lives and who dies?
There’s only one guy who fits this description, we swear.
F-R-A-N-K
Frank J.!
I have a mortgage now, but I can’t fit that into the rhyming scheme.
From the sublime, to the ridiculous
He’s not a being quite cuniculus
Frank J.
Is there any music to it? Right now it’s just words. I don’t know how I’d sing it.
I’ve often thought you needed a theme song. Or maybe just a few chords that are played everytime you enter a room. hmmmm.
Usually I just hum “Eye of the Tiger” whenever I visit this site. Your song is better, though.
You don’t need a theme song. The most powerful men in the world don’t have theme songs, they have that thing that you can’t quite put your finger on… that elusive thing. If you just had that… what am I talking about?! We both know they have very tangible things that yield them power = armies (and loyal minions). YOU DON’T NEED A THEME SONG TO MAKE YOU SEEM IMPORTANT, YOU NEED AN ARMY.
Just a thought.
PS having an army would be very cool.
Hmmm, the ugly kind? Let me save someone the trouble: “But they’re all ugly!” 😛
No clue. I even looked at some monkey pages and couldn’t find it. I’m guessing it’s obscure?
Hey, I like the idea of you having an army Frank. Tell me when you start recruiting, and I’ll bring my gun.
If anyone cares, The “Frank J. theme song” works best when sung to the theme from “Shaft”.
Great observation, Frank.
I’ll get back to everyone when I start my army.
I was humming the tune from the Simpson’s Stonecutter episode.
Who keeps the Martians under wraps…
That might work too…
Do you really want to know what kind of monkey that is?
It’s a Golden or snub-nosed monkey (Pygathrix roxellana). Native of western China.
If the Chinese haven’t trapped all of them I’m sure they’d welcome you to bag a few. I hear Kung-pao monkey is pretty good.
Late Night — Catching Up On Other Blogs
Well, I finally launched the Web site that I’ve been working on for the past nine months. It still needs to have some loose ends taken care of, but I’m proud of it. Now, I can finally stop working into…
“Cuniculus?” I challenge.