Now more Bible quotes for the Catholic exclusive Book of Tobit (if you want this book, you’ll have to be Catholic too).
1 Tobit was walking through town one morning when he encountered the devil. “You will not tempt me to evil!” Tobit declared, “I am a trustworthy servant of the Lord.” 2 The devil, surprised, turned around and said, “What?” 3 “I know thou are evil and are here for evil purposes!” Tobit yelled.
4 “I’m buying a mango,” the devil answered. 5 “For what foul schemes?” Tobit questioned the evil being. 6 “I like mangos,” the devil declared, “Hey, dingus, I’m not working 24/7 to cause the fall of man, okay? Can’t a fallen angel get himself a frick’n mango without getting yelled at?”
7 “You can’t fool me, man-goat!” Tobit said firmly, “I know thou are here for nefarious purposes!” 8 The devil rolled his sinister eyes. “Fine,” he said, “Hey, Tobit, why don’t you do evil and kill people?” 9 “Never!” Tobit screamed, “I will never do the bidding of the devil!”
10 “Well, there, you beat me, Tobit,” the devil said, waving his hands in the air, “You resisted my evil temptation. Whoopee! You happy?” 11 The devil then walked off with his mango with one final utterance, “Wanker.” 12 And thus Tobit continued his service to the Lord, never giving into the temptation of the devil.
And thus we will never receive our free ice cream ever again. Sorry to see you go like that, Frank.
“wanker”
Oh lord that’s funny!
Frank likes playing with fire…
Yay Tobit! I’m waiting for the Veggietales version to come out.
say, this one actually made me laugh. the others i’ve found to be blasphemous, but this one was about the devil and didn’t put words into G-d’s mouth.
i showered using mango/island fruit shower gel this morning. i must be going straight to hell.
the ancient Hebrew word translated as “wanker” is “b’gh yh’d slf hb’sr”.
Of course, translated from the original with no vowel points, just the consonants.
I wanted Tobit to throw a mango as the devil is walking away, thus striking him in the back of the head.
Thus wielding that mighty mango in the service of the Lord.
That would of been kinda neat, I bet mangos would of been holy objects.
::Seconding Stonewall::
lol, BeeBee!
I second SarahK. I think you managed to stay on the highwire this time. Barely.
If the Pope can kiss the Koran (http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=ISO-8859-1&q=pope+kiss+koran&btnG=Google+Search), then I think Frank’s pretty much in the clear as far as blasphemy is concerned.
Just so our Protestant brethren (and sistern) know why Tobit isn’t in their Bible. The complete Catholic ‘version’ has been around since about 273 A.D. The guys of the Reformation thought that only the books that were originally in HEBREW could be inspired by God and thus be part of the Bible. Since Tobit and a few others could only be found originally in GREEK, the Reformers got out their scissors and snip, snip, snip, there went those books. Then King James got ahold of the Bible, and that’s where the modern Protestant version came from). I hope that I haven’t offended anyone…if you have a faith in God and practice it for GOOD, does it really matter which version you use/believe in?
um, wasn’t most of the New Testament written in Greek? Old Testament in Hebrew?
Yes Sarahk, this is true. My Hunnybunny has his degree in Theology and had to study Greek. The only Hebrew he knows though is the hot dogs (yum).
Oops. That was me. I’m on my mom’s computer.
Now we’re all picturing Sarahk showering with mango/island fruit shower gel…..
I’m not complaining about which was Greek or Hebrew…just giving the reason behind the choices. Besides, I am pretty sure God can understand any language.
Sorry, but I’m NOT gonna picture SarahK showering, with mango or any other fruit. LOL!!
Wow, these religious posts on Sundays degrade pretty quickly …
nobody picture it! especially you, Frank!
Well the protestant denomination that I belong to said they left all the books out where God does not speak in the Old Testament. Some have said this is a shame because it leaves out about 400 years of Hebrew history prior to Christ and thus make some of the New Testament obsure. They have been told, “Hey look the darn Old Testament as we have it now already takes up over 75% of the Christian Bible, we had to cut publishing and teaching costs somewhere!
Also someday the Catholics are going to wake up someday and figure out with all those extra books in their theology that a Christian is just and ERJ (Extremely Reformed Jew). We are trying to delay that for as long as possible.”
I have no problem being an ERJ…always said that if I wasn’t Catholic, I would be a Joooooooooo! They are God’s chosen people, after all.
I always liked the book of Tobit for three reasons: (1) the evils of bird waste, (2) the healing properties of fish guts, and (3) its helpful contribution to figuring out the angelic/demonic cast of characters, in that you can log a named demon that occurs nowhere else in the Bible.
:thinks: devil whent down to Georga, should be playing in the background.
Isn’t there some controversy about a latter passage in the Book of Tobit concerning Tobit’s refusal to eat jungle fruit as being politicaly incorrect? (OK, OK, so I stole the idea from a very old out of print comic magazine).
chthulu,
How is the campus crusade going.
Do you have any notes on Tobit concerning fish guts as bait, the Demon Tearaza, hook baiting, baiting hooker, seagull shit, the Demon Karri, master baiter for the fleet, and the non-pork recipe for navy beans with diced oinions and a little bit of cheader on top?
You can be a Protestant and have Tobit in your bible, you just have to be a Whiskeypalian. Which is really the same as a Methodist. Anyway, if you look at the New English Bible, which is the latest official one, you’ll see that it has the Apocrypha in it. Gee, I dunno who’s more ignorant, Baptists, or Papists who think they know what Baptists think!
Well when you say Baptist you have to be a little more specific. They come in an awful lot of flavors, I myself belong to the “Refomed Charging Calvary Stonewall Brigade Lying Baptist Church of North,North Dallas, Holy Order of St. John Moses Browning, We only reload with the Dillon Blue and FLGR two piecers are OK if you use Teflon tape to keep them from comming Apart.” Main stream Baptist tend to have the same degree requirments for their ministers that the rest of the main stream protestants do, that is a doctorate.
Catholics have been preducing noted religious scholars for centuries. I have to be careful in that I’m redneck Babtist and my sister-in-law and brother are Catholics and if I piss her off she’ll start stomping my toes. That one reason I never use the word papist around her. Lately I’ve noticed that the Bishops of the Methodists, Presbertyrian, and Episcopalian seem to have thrown out the both Testaments and the Apocrapha and can’t understand why the lower rank ministers and lay people are upset so I don’t think any religious group has the lock on intelligence and common sense.
By the way it wasn’t sea gull shit it was a short hand note from 1999 meaning, “See if Girl will dump her boy friend.” and had nothing to do with the Book of Tobit.
Catholic Bible 101: Martin Luther clipped those books from the Old Testament because some refer to concepts he didn’t like. An example is in Maccabees where he states that it is a good and wholesome thing to pray for the dead, being the biblical foundation for Purgatory.
The full Old Testament in Greek was called the Septuagint. There is a legend about 72 rabbis translating it in 72 days, but I think that’s widely disbelieved. More likely, the Jews in Alexandria and Egypt translated both the historical and prophetical books into Greek lest they forget their heritage along with their increasingly spotty Hebrew. The Septuagint is comprised of both the “protocanonical” and the “deuterocanonical” books of the Old Testament. The books Luther clipped were all the deuterocanonical books, which weren’t on the list of inspired books by St. Jerome. The protocanonical books were the universal books and the ones advocated by the Palestinian Jews. When the Catholic Church ratified and codified the bible, She included the full Septuagint and the New Testament (including those bits in James that Luther later clipped. St. James wrote about Faith without good works being dead.) A full list of the OT outtakes: Tobias, Judith, Baruch, Ecclesiasticus, Wisdom, First and Second Machabees; and also certain additions to Esther and Daniel.
I used to be Frisbyterian. We believed that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and you can’t get it down.
SarahK: Not all the books of the “Old Testament” are in Hebrew. The Torah and Prophets are in Hebrew (give or take a verse, like Jeremiah 10:11 – I think there are about one-and-a-half of these non-Hebrew verses, total). But the Writings include Daniel and Ezra, and those two have big chunks of Aramaic in ’em. That’s because those bits were written in a time and place where no-one was speaking Hebrew anymore.
Toad: Your pastor is either pulling your leg or reading the Catholic version of the Book of Esther. The original Hebrew of that book (which Jews and Protestants use) doesn’t mention God in it, anywhere. But I suppose you’re right in that Esther is very much the exception proving the rule. It has the distinction of being the only NON-holy book in the Bible for Jews. It’s not in the Dead Sea Scrolls. There were huge arguments in the first centuries CE, in both church and synagogue, whether it should be included at all.
DixieDarlin: When the Jews tossed Tobit out of the Writings, it ceased to be copied in Hebrew. But it was originally written in Hebrew. And we’ve now got it in Hebrew (and Aramaic) again, thanks to the Dead Sea Scrolls. Ditto other books that didn’t make the cut, like Ben Sira (which I’m not calling “Ecclesiasticus” because that confuses it with Ecclesiastes) and Psalm 151. The Book of Enoch is in Aramaic at Qumran too, which is whence we get the ‘fallen angel’ stories and even gets quoted in the Book of Jude. So it’s not like all the Apocrypha is, er, apocryphal. Unless you’re counting Daniel as apocryphal too, and we couldn’t do THAT now could we? :^)