I remember getting my first paycheck from the supermarket I worked at during high school. I shouted to the guy who gave me my paycheck, “Hey, goober, I earned more than this!” He then showed me my pay stub with all the tax deductions.
“What! They took all my money!” I screamed, “Someone must pay!”
“Looks like you already did,” the guy replied, “Muh ha ha ha!”
Thus I left the supermarket in full rage and a bit wiser. Ever since then, the gub’ment has robbed me left and right, and I don’t even know where that money goes. They take this huge chunk supposedly for Social Security – money I could be investing now in lucrative mutual funds or buy an X-Box with – and Lord knows I’ll never see it again. They pretend it’s for my benefit, but it’s pure and simple theft. Thus with each paycheck, my anger grows.
Now, Kerry is promising all these benefits to people not smart enough to get high-paying engineering jobs like me, and he says he’ll pay for it by taxing all these wealthy people I don’t know.
LIES!
You just know he’s going to raise taxes on everyone – especially me; you can see it in his evil, Botox-twisted expression of contempt for the common man and humorous blogger. And if my taxes get raised any more, I’m going to get so mad I’m going to punch someone! That’s right; raising taxes will increase violent assault – but that’s not all!
Higher taxes destroys jobs just like a baseball bat destroys a stool pigeon’s head. Without jobs, we’ll all be roaming the countryside scrounging for food and supplies. Also, with the high gasoline taxes, we’ll fight for fuel just like in Mad Max. And, as soon as weakness shows, you know the monkey will try and overthrow us. They’ve already done so for half of France.
This does not have to be, though. First, let’s not elect John Kerry and instead chase him away with pitchforks and torches. Then, let’s lower taxes more!
No, more!
Still more!
Actually, let’s get rid of them entirely. If the government needs money for cruise missiles to kill foreigners, I’ll happily write them a check. I just want to make sure it doesn’t go to poor people or children – whom I hate!
In the least, keep taxes low or I’m going to get in a punching mood… and you may be nearby when it happens!
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us and is the author of such books as “Clowns: The Eternal Menace” and “Kung Fu Fight Your Way to the Top: A Business Guide for Ninjas.”
Frist!
The first step is to abolish withholding. Once people have to write a quarterly tax check the torchlit mob surrounding the town hall will not be far behind.
i hope i’m not around when you’re in your punching mood.
do ninjas do Kung Fu?
How much Fu would a Ninja Kung if a Ninja could Kung Fu?
A ninja would kung fu all the fu he could kung if a ninja could kung fu.
If you are really concerned about taxes Frank, don’t vote for either candidate.
Vote Libertarian.
Kerrys plan is to tax us all, no doubt.
Bushes plan does make the current cuts permanent, BUT his plan to abolish Federal Income tax and create revinue from sales tax is not usefull to anyone but small buisness owners or corporations, the low level consumer will still pay
Ah…that is why grasshopper is but a student and you are the master, FrankJsan.
Rob,
Yeah, why don’t I vote libertarian… or just shove my ballot straight up my pinky-toe.
All I know is Bush gave me a tax cut and I saw it and was happy.
Ninjas do not do kung fu. To learn all about ninjas one must go to http://www.realultimatepower.net/index3.htm and suffer through the endlessly repeated soundtrack.
Frank J. is correct, but ninjas just fu, no kung about it. And to you, that might be Frank J.-sama….
And no quarterly tax payments, one big annual payment will really increase the level of violence. Then you will see more than ninjas flipping out!
I got a tax cut too. I thought it was great, but now Kerry says that means I am in the upper 1% of wealthy people, because only the upper 1% got Bush’s tax break. And now Kerry is promising to make all of us in the upper 1% pay more taxes. Screw You John Kerry! I just made it into the upper 1% (I must have because I got a tax cut) and I will be damned if you are going to screw it up with more taxes!
Taxes make me angry…you wouldn’t like me when i’m angry.
Frank mad!!!! Frank Smash!!!
Ninjas do not kung fu fight because ninjas are from Japan and kung fu is from China. Maybe you meant Shao-lin monks.
I got the tax cut too.
Frank, the Bush plan is the better plan, and people will benefit (even more) from it.
I am just passing along information that had prior been unknown to me.
More incentive to be a entrepreneur, thats all
No disrespect to the Master Ronin Frank J.
I thought kerry was gonna tax the top 2%
Why can’t he make-up his mind?
We love our tax cut and with 4 kids, we got a really nice check which we promptly used to boost the ailing airline industry. What I don’t understand is how my sister (who always votes dimocrat) had the audacity to spend her check on her own family when she should have sent it to us Bush supporters….greedy hypocrites!
Ninjas don’t pay taxes because they are invisible. Except when laying down some kung fu on your pinky toe, then they turn visible but still don’t pay taxes. They are supposed to practice the art of ninjitsu but being invisible and deadly no one can stop them from practicing other arts.
How about some humor about not voting for Florida’s proposition 8 or Item #8 or something. It says doctors automatically lose their license if they lose 3 malpractice cases. We already have a system to review doctors. This is one of those useless laws that will just screw up health care worse (worsely?).
ya know, I too remember my first pay check.. I was a general laborer for a carpenter. He asked “do you want cash or a check?” In all my youthful stupidity, I immediately replied “A check, you dork! Why would I EVER want cash?!? My parents get checks, I WANT CHECKS!!!” Good god. Had I only known. I worked 96 hours at 6 bucks an hour. I thought I was surely looking at around 560 smackers. HA. In the end, I think I got paid something like 480. Jeeze.
Dah well. Maybe one day (when the almighty Frank J. is president, I can simply pay a few hundred a month to the defense of our country, and let the poor bums perish!! HA!! I long for the day…
I just say thank God someone finally wrote the all-important book “Clowns: The Eternal Menace.” Most of my friends don’t acknowledge that all clowns are secretly serial killers, and as my brother says, that just means the clowns are going to get them first…
I guess there ARE two Americas:
* A dry cleaner in Arlington, Texas that employs six people and brings in $200,000 a year is considered “rich” in John Kerry’s America and will get a TAX INCREASE that puts them in the “top 1%” tax bracket.
+ A dry cleaner in Arlington, Texas that employs six people and brings in $200,000 a year is given a TAX CUT to encourage business growth, build more facilities, and employ more people in George W. Bush’s America.
Which America do YOU want to live in?
um, could I get a signed copy of your clown book? My mom just doesn’t understand how stupid they are.
Also, may I just say that being without children I miss out on a lot of fun tax loopholes. ;D The other night watching the debate Jf’nK said something about increasing the child care tax credit and some other crap that wouldn’t do me any good cause I don’t have kids. grrrrrr. I’m just sayin.
I think my wife and I are in the top 5% of all taxpayers, and I just shudder
whenever I hear taxes going up. And we don’t earn that much. I am glad that tax raisers are getting called on it up here in Northern Indiana – they need to be held accountable.
John Kerry needs to go back to Taxachusetts and leave the rest of us alone!
The worst thing I see is when I am working overtime, like I have been working 60-70 hours a week, and I can just see those hundred dollar bills being burned before me, not to mention all the Social Security, Medicare, etc.
I am hopeful if / when Bush wins, he can go forward with two very important items – PRIVATE Retirement Accounts and PRIVATE Medical Savings Accounts, and get the government oout of those two areas.
If Edwards believes in his heart that taxes are too low, why did he create a subchapter-S corporation with himself as the single shareholder to avoid over a half-million in Medicare taxes?
See, I really hate do as I say, not as I do. Unless I’m talking to my teenage daughters. But the rest of the time, I hate it!
greetings sac de douche; that’s french for douche bag. your comments are extremely unfunny. you deserve to be stripped naked and caned. are you a compassionate evangelical religious
conservative freak, or a social darwinist holocaust denier, or both.
taxes, schmaxes. keep your stinking money, suckass. But it will not help one goddamn bit to save your soul. since you are taking numbers, and just itching for a fight so bad you can taste it, join the guard, get your raggedy ass to iraq and become a brave freedom fighter and spreader of democracy and defender of liberty.
you, sir, are a punk.
OMG WMD WTF
thank you for your time,
cubby (the cubster)
Gee, I do believe that M’sier Cubby has some unresolved issues not having to do with politics.
Scott: …PRIVATE Retirement Accounts and PRIVATE Medical Savings Accounts, and get the government oout of those two areas.
hmmm… ok… and who’s gonna pay my (yes my) Disability and medical costs since those private accounts didn’t exist when I got hurt on the job then fd by Workers Comp, then had to use ALL my savings, investments, IRA, sell my house, etc, to survive for the years it took for me to fight with my private insurance just to lose because I didn’t have SSD, then fight more years to get SSD, by which time there was no money left and I had to move back in w/ mom and dad at the age of 37! So, tell me, Cut your taxes, eliminate those awful entitlement programs, and where’s my humongous $759/month check gonna come from? Not to mention my whoop-dee-dooo save a whole 20% on my $1200/month-of-meds Medicare funding that no doctor will accept because the rate they pay is beyond laughable.
/rant
*whew Sorry ’bout that, but that soapbox seems to be permanently attached to my feet, ’cause nobody’s even acknowledged that it’s a problem, much less said anything about trying to come up with a solution. Compassionate Conservative. Yeah. That lasted ’bout ’til the last ballot was cast, ‘scuse my bitterness.
Frank has shown that he alone understands the complex correlative relationship between tax policy and bitch slappin’!
If Kerry gets elected, soneone’s gonna get hurt.