US forces are doing another sweep for stupid terrorists in Baghdad.
I call them “stupid” because you’d think they’d have learned by now that if you’re in a place where you can see an American flag surrounded by American soldiers, you shouldn’t be a terrorist there because you’ll be dead soon.
I mean, isn’t that one of the more obvious things represented by the American flag?
In the extended entry, there’s some more
* American flags rarely bite unless provoked.
* Methods of provocation include poking it with a stick or being a filthy hippy.
* Each star on the American flag represents one of the 50 states, although McDonalds is eyeballing the naming rights to the one in the upper left corner
* When a patriotic American dies, the flag is lowered to half-staff. When John Kerry dies, expect to see a week of nationwide double-staffing.
* Monkeys have no flag, and must therefore be exterminated.
* Ditto terrorists.
* And the French.
* Yes, I know, TECHNICALLY they have a flag, but they only every really use the white part.
* Some people think it’s unpatriotic to buy an American flag unless it’s actually made in America. However it really doesn’t matter where the flag is originally made, as long as it eventually flies over bullet-ridden terrorist corpses.
* Or live Frenchmen.
* Trust me, they’re on the list.
* If an American Flag becomes worn or damaged, it must be disposed of respectfully by burning it in a solemn ceremony. The flag should be neatly folded, set on top of a commie, and set ablaze.
* If you don’t have a commie handy, you can use a Kennedy, although these tend to be soggy and not burn well.
* It is disrespectful to wear the American flag as an article of clothing such as a shirt or a pair of pants. Thongs are ok, though.
* In a fight between an American flag and Aquaman, Aquaman would trip over his own damn feet, fall down, and smash his head open on a rock.
* Some people REALLY shouldn’t try to fight on land.
* The best way to illuminate your American flag is to place a halogen light no more than 10 feet from the base of the flagpole and aim it toward the lower right corner of the blue field, although purists insist that you should use rockets’ red glare.
* The original design for the American flag featured a coiled snake on a white background and the words “Don’t F**k With Me!”, which was later modified due to pressure from the FCC.
* The best American Flags are made from the bark of the Tree of Liberty, the roots of which must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots & tyrants.
* If Michael Moore were touched by an American flag, he would immediately burst into unholy flame.
So… what do YOU know about the American flag?
first!
…refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots & tyrants.
Man, I’ve always loved that line.
These are all good Frank!
You are the titan of tidbits!
Oh yes. Another first! for jimmyb.
Bow down to my superior commenting!!!!
Muhahahahahahhaha!!!
Each star on the American flag represents one of the 50 states, although McDonalds is eyeballing the naming rights to the one in the upper left corner
If a star is eventually sold to the fast-food giant, recent polls suggest that most Americans favor parting with the star that represents Massachusetts.
Rumor has it that Ted Kennedy is the one that burns best. I think it has something to do with the fat and incredibly high BAC.
I thought Kennedys burned very well because they’re soaked in alcohol????
choking to death on my morning coffee- thanks a lot, Harvey
-oh, and BWAHAHAHAHA!!- choke, sputter
It’s apparently OK to brand captured liberals with the American flag before being released back into the wilds, although the Supreme Court has said that branding suspected terrorist is against the Geneva Convention, those whinny liberal b*****ds!!
It’s legal to neuter anyone burning the American flag in a street demonstration; it’s in the Constitution somewhere, Article 64 or maybe in the small print below the Bill of Rights. If it’s not in the Constitution then it needs to be, but I’m pretty sure it’s there already.
It’s a little known fact that every bullet made in the USA has a small American Flag inscribed on the base. That apparently increases the lethality of the bullet as well as providing a good chance of infection since they use dirty needles for the inscriptions.
If you see an American flag flying inverted, it is suppose to be a sign of distress, or else the person who put it up suffers from visual dyslexia.
When displaying the American flag you put the field of stars on the right side from the perspective of the viewers unless the viewers are behind you, I never could keep that straight.
jimmyb, that Frank IS good ain’t he?
Oh and Harvey, Exterminated eh? I’ll show you a flag.
Spacemonkey,
Yes he is.
I can’t believe he’s as young as he is.
I’m 17 years older than him, and I’m so jealous!
Stoopid linear space-time continuum!
PS – You’re funny, too.
Silly monkey…
I heard the original flag design was based on Betsy Ross’ thong.
I believe a Kennedy would burn very well due to the high concentration of alcohol within the body. However, if set ablaze, he could put it out by running his Cadillac into the water and telling the police a couple days later.
Flag display:
It’s always “its own right” not the viewer’s right. Which means it’s always the viewer’s left (or center).
Same with the blue field, it should appear to it’s own right, which meansthe upper left from the viewers perspective, even when verticle. (It is backwards so often on tv I guess because the liberal hollywood workers have never been in Boy Scouts and don’t bother to find out the rules).
Dang!! Pluto’sDad, you beat me to it twice in this post. First about Kennedy’s not burning well, their saturation of alcohol would provide a burn-rich environment. Second about the rules of the flag. The easiest way to remember it is that the field of blue is always in the upper left corner as you are viewing it.
Also, just FYI for those of you wondering why the US flag is backwards on the right sleeve of the US military uniform, it is shown that way because the US Flag is never to be displayed in a manner of “retreat.” It is always to be shown in a manner of moving forward.
I’m sure if there’s another reason for this, someone will mention it but that’s what I gained from 4 1/2 years as a US Army Ranger as well as 1 or 2 years as a boy scout.
Some nifty conspiracy theories about the flag:
The yellow/gold fringe seen on some flags is not just decoration but actually turns it into a military flag. Thus, any courtroom you see with a gold-fringed flag is technically operating under martial law–that is, all of them. It’s part of a scheme to avoid using common law.
Some people insist that even the proportions of the flag are wrong, a real civilian flag has a side ratio of 1.9:1 and the usual one that looks more like a golden rectangle is a military flag, but that’s going a bit too far.
Leuthen,
That’s always had me baffled. If the flag is to be shown moving forward then why not “correct” the backwardness by simply wearing the flag on the left shoulder instead?
Tuning Spork,
The answer to your question is quite simple. It’s actually worn on both sleeves in a combat zone (to identify US troops). That’s why it would appear backward on the right sleeve if the same patch were used on both sleeves. The idea is that if other soldiers, US or foreign, were to look to their left and see the right shoulder of a US soldier, the flag would appear to be advancing.
Actually, perusing the military supply stores here at the home of the Infantry, Ft. Benning, Georgia, it looks kind of odd until you see it on a soldiers uniform which we see quite a bit of, actually A LOT of, here in Columbus, GA home of Ft. Benning (3rd ID, 75th Ranger Regiment, 3rd Ranger Battallion, US Army Airborne School, US Army Ranger School, US Army Sniper School, US Army Pathfinder School, US Army Infantry Basic Training and AIT). You can imagine the amount of troop traffic we see coming and going here in Columbus. It looked odd to me until I understood the reason behind it. Now I don’t even look twice.
Cars with the flag painted on the wrong way, ie, the right way, on the wrong side, annoy the crud out of me.
Actually, it’s an efficient method of removing crud.
If you can’t find a commie or a Kennedy to lay the flag on for burning purposes… stack algore and Kerry… two nicely wooden politicians should burn very nicely and give you plenty of opportunity to roast marshmallows too.
“These are all good Frank!
You are the titan of tidbits!”
jimmyb – Just because I’m an invisible white rabbit doesn’t mean you can look through my “posted by” line and credit my hard work to Frank.
RESPECT THE POOKA!
shakes fist
When did the flag patch on the uniform become an authorized accoutrement? Or was it already approved for the USA and not the other services at the beginning of Desert Storm?
During Desert Storm I saw lots of flags on the uniforms of USA, USMC and USAF, and lots of them on different sleeves and some facing forwards or backwards. At the time we were told that the flag wasn’t authorized for wear on the uniform, at least for the USAF.
I was in the USAF then and most of us (USAF) wore a flag on the right sleeve with the field of stars facing forward. Since we couldn’t get cami flag patches (and I’m not sure they were even available then), it seemed to defeat the purpose of camis; not that we cared
Later on when I deployed to Somalia I wore a cami flag on the right shoulder of my “three tones” desert BDUs. Once again I was told that the flag was not an authorized accouterment by some snot nosed 0-2. Since it was the American flag and I was an E-9, I didn’t think anyone would make a fuss over it and they didn’t.
If there is now a uniform policy for the USAF to wear the flag patch, then I saw good on whoever made the decision. If it’s still unauthorized, screw ’em and wear it anyway, I did.
Jim in Texas CMSGT, USAF ret.
A thousand pardons Harvey aka POOKA.
I guess you and Frank are both titans.
Still very funny!!
Again, Harvey, sorry.
I must do penance…
(cracks beer open…)
The very first US Flag had 50 stars. That’s because George Washington had plans. He had heard of Alaska and Hawaii
His dying words were, “All your Base are belong to us.”
The Flag of the United States of America is authorized for wear on the right sleeve (only) of the service member even in a combat zone. One of the reasons for this is so that we don’t have to wear the poncy powder blue helmets that soldiers participating in a UN mission wear. Oddly enough, when a soldier is authorized to wear a combat patch; the flag is worn/displayed below the patch. This is a point of frustration since country should come before unit.