If you’re like me, then you have more than likely been following the French riots and wondering, “How long before France figures out how to surrender the same piece of land twice?”
For those of you who aren’t in the loop on this, young Muslim men (or as the press calls them -“youths”) in Paris are rioting and causing mayhem. They have done so for 12 straight days. See, the end of Ramadan is traditionally celebrated by young Muslims with the traditional Lighting of French Police Cars. This has been met by some resistance from a certain segment of the French population — mainly police.
Many observations have been offered, and they basically come in a few flavors.
Flavor One: France was asking for this by allowing so much immigration and then not allowing them to assimilate into society. These “youths” are being portrayed as disenfranchised and outcast. I don’t blame them for being angry. Being told by French Society that you just don’t fit in? Isn’t that like having Michael Moore call you Mr. Fatty Fat Fat?
Flavor Two: The French are too secular for Muslims and are creating tension because of this. Critics note the banning of the Muslim headscarf, and crosses, and anything that resembles like it might be spiritual. Personally, I feel they went to far when they banned Frisbees because people might mistake them for UFO’s.
Flavor Three: HAHAHAHAHAHHA. It must be weird watching those “youths” burn all those white flags, huh? Oh, and HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA
In France’s defense, they ARE taking a few steps to stop all the rioting. In fact, they have imposed a curfew. So not only are these rioters causing destruction — but they’re also up past their bedtime! French police hope to achieve victory as soon as these young men get sleepy.
In the interest of international relations — and having a laugh at someone else’s expense — but mostly in the interest of international relations — I’d like to offer some solutions for the French. Granted — none of these solutions are perfect, but I hope that these suggestions can work as a starting point.
RWD’s Solutions for dealing with young, rioting, disaffected “youths”.
Solutions. Midnight Sports Leagues
Basketball:
Advantages: Basketball is growing in popularity in Europe. More kids are playing it now more than ever before!
Disadvantages: We don’t need yet another European team that can beat the Men’s U.S. Olympic team.
Soccer:
Advantage: Everyone (who is not American) loves soccer. Good cardiovascular exercise.
Disadvantages: They prefer a Jewish head instead of a soccer ball. Other down side — Soccer Riots. Which technically would put them back at square one.
Solution: Put the rioters in prison.
Advantages: A safer society with the criminals out of the way. They can work on crafts and learn a trade.
Disadvantages: Criminals might discover Islam.
A bit of Good news. Paris is still a hot vacation spot.
Bad news, it’s for terrorists who are stressed out fighting in Iraq.
Tariqu: I’m stressed out. We’re doing horribly.
Abdul. Don’t worry. We’ll send the DNC some press releases on how awful the US is doing. That wil lincrease morale and bring fresh recruits.
Tariq: I’m just tired. I think I need a vacation. How about Paris?
Abdul: Great idea! We’ll walk the Rue De Surrender and maybe even burn a few cars. It’ll be good for us.
So that means that it could be time to start thinking about –
Requesting International Help.
There are a few candidates:
Help from America.
Disadvantage: That Save Your Butt Twice Get The Third Butt Saving Free coupon expired — when did it expire — oh yeah, when they stabbed us in the back on Iraq.
Another Factor: Does France have any oil?
Help from Holland:
Advantage: Is gearing up a battle with it’s own Muslim (oops — I mean youth) population.
Disadvantage: Want to have more brothels for tired troops.
Another Disadvantage: Their wooden shoes are flammable.
Help From Spain:
Advantage: Good ally. Lives nearby.
Disadvantage: The Spanish army is rusty. It’s been a while since they ran from a good fight.
There are no perfect solutions in all of this. Please, if you have any suggestions, we welcome them in the comments section.
Remember, France is a friend to America. Let’s do all we can.
“Solution: Put the rioters in prison.
Advantages: A safer society with the criminals out of the way. They can work on crafts and learn a trade.
Disadvantages: Criminals might discover Islam.”
Funniest thing I’ve read all day. Kudos
I don’t think the French citizenry has anything to worry about – Islam doesn’t allow Muslims to touch pigs.
“Help from America.
Disadvantage: That Save Your Butt Twice Get The Third Butt Saving Free coupon expired — when did it expire — oh yeah, when they stabbed us in the back on Iraq.
Another Factor: Does France have any oil? ”
LMAO
“Another Disadvantage: Their wooden shoes are flammable.”
Good one!!!
How about France surrenders to Germany…again.
Advantages: Germany has had much more success in military campaigns than France. They should be able to crush the riot.
Disadvantages: Eventually the French will get tired of the Germans beating them up, and we’ll have to save them…again.
KT’s Rx: Take a white flag and wave it three times a day for 10 minutes for two weeks. Stop waving if you feel dizzy or short of breath. Always consult the Germans before engaging in any surrender activities. Side effects may include massacres, huge government deficits and nausea.
Hi all i’m french, First i’m not a pig but a human being just like you (see i wrot the code ;)!I’m happy to see that our american still help us.
My solution :
Send USMC ! It’ll save us all, shoot all the riots, kill Chirac, and burn Paris (use napalm).
Advantages : No more riots, Chirac dead, no more tourists in Paris. take the Chemical and nuclear weapon hide by the riots…..
Disavantages : No more Eiffel Tower ! USA have no interest here, no oil !
PS : We were not agree about iraq, but we still remember about what you’ve done WW 1 and 2….If we’re not agree so we’re ennemies or pigs, terrorits ect…
I’am not always agree with my friends, even the best, but i don’t tell him “What !! you’re not agree, you stabbed me !!!”
We’re all different let’s respect each others…And i don’t hate american i really like your country i grew up with USA lol, movies, song..I like your country but you should stop think you’re the best, maybe you’re but a little bit a humility would be fine, and stop destroy to build ! Just Build with the others.
Cya guys i would be happy ti speak with you on MSN or by mail
Cookie,
We’d like you guys more if you had oil.
Are you sure you don’t have any hidden away?
BTW this whole story was written as satire, but we do hope that nobody gets hurt in all that mess.
Keep your head down, America’s not coming so you’re on your own.
What about the Brits?
Pluses: Northern Irish Experience
Downside: Reassertion of the claim to the throne of France.
Cookie,
You’d actually want Chirac dead? And Paris napalmed? Am I reading this correctly? Are you sure you’re not the dissident frogman?
Adds soap to the water from the firehoses. They’ll flee inside for sure.
If France surrenders the same land twice,there will be one common denominator – both the victors will have, as a core of their beliefs, the hatred of Jews.
Help from America’s NRA membership (BYOG – Bring Your Own Guns):
Advantage: They will happily gun down any and all rioting “Youths”, w/out dropping their rifles. They can then claim ‘Diplomatic Immunity’ and return to the USA.
Disadvantage: They will likely gun down everyone else in France. It’s not that they can’t tell the difference between ‘Rioters’ and ‘French Citizens’. It’s just that they wouldn’t care … That includes you Cookie!
Cookie,
Keep in mind this is a humor site. Most stuff said here is satire.
Besides, the United States and France have been making fun of each other for years. We tease you guys, but can you really say that your people don’t do the same to us?
Speaking of making fun of the French, I just want to bring up this old joke… it’s such a classic.
“The French want more proof about Iraq. The last time the French wanted more proof, it went rolling through Paris waving the German flag.”
Soccer Riots. Which technically would put them back at square one.
Now that’s funny.
I have a solution. They could allow the youths to win. They then take over the country and have the codes for the French nukes thus, giving us a reason to bomb France. After that, there will be plenty of parking for the Olympics and everybody knows that parking in Italy is tough.
I just don’t see a downside to that.
gosh it really makes me wonder listening to you yanks spout out that clap trap. you’ve never even been to france have you? you’re all just a bunch of sheep, controlled by the most moronic bunch of pseudo cretins… i couldn’t even dream you lot up if i tried… this herding, us against the world instinct is giving the rest of the world a headache, come on, deep breaths, it’ll be alright.
Okay lets hear you spouting about jesus… blaa blaa blaa…
Now, now, mickey. No use bringin’ Jesus in on this. Y’all need to just go on out to the bush and work your own herd. Ya seem a little tensed up. The Frenchies know we’re just funning them….
After all “France is a friend to America”
{mmph…mmm-ph…Bwah-ha-ha-ha!}
Damn! Did that French guy just say we Americans need some humility?!?!?
You guys crack me up!
Folks: FINALLY! A UN Peacekeeping gig that would be worth doing! Even Michael New would put on a blue Beret and a UN Patch to do 6 months of peacekeeping duty in Paris!
Darn it, I can’t believe I forgot to mention Jesus when I posted.
That’s 12 novennas for me tonight. Yay!!!
You know, I was thinking…any Mickey Mouse outfit could put down this riot.
NEWS ITEM: DISNEYLAND PARIS GEARS UP FOR WAR!
PARIS (Unattributed) Taunted into action by a US blog comment that “any Mickey Mouse outfit could put down this riot”, General Mickey Mouse alerted his forces in preparation for action in the French Suburbs.
“The time has come for action!” General Mouse said, obviously piqued at the perceived slur. “After all, it is a small world!
Teary-eyed Princesses lamented the coming action, as dwarfs, animals and all manner of forest creatures made deployment preparations.
Walt Disney, chilling out in the U.S., could not be reached for comment.
Mikey,
To be honest, it’s been YEARS since I’ve been to Paris.
But I hear it’s a riot.
“Mikey,
To be honest, it’s been YEARS since I’ve been to Paris.
But I hear it’s a riot. ”
ROFL
cookie: you don’t have to worry about the eiffel tower unless they bomb las vegas!
Mikey,
Don’t know where you’re from but I sure am glad to learn that the leftist blogs here in God’s Country didn’t monopolize all the world’s class A debaters. If you’re going to try to hurl insults at us “yanks” could you at least be funny about it. This is a humor blog afterall.
The French are heartened to know that Paris remains the most visited place by the world’s men…oh wait, that’s Paris Hilton.
The French might ride their truffle smelling pigs to victory as the Horde of militants scream in terror at this strange sight…just an idea.
The truth about the riot is that some rude frenchman made a Muslim woman remove her face scarf only to be replaced with a beret that clashed with her outfit. Enough was enough!