“Alito is a menace to our country,” Kerry said to the Senate, “He will…”
“Can we vote for cloture now?” a random Senator shouted out.
“Sure, let’s end this crap,” Dick Cheney answered, “Let’s vote.”
“Gerwarger… Aliotioto!” Kennedy objected.
The vote went ahead anyway, and Cheney counted the votes. “We have 114 votes for cloture and 3 votes against.” Cheney paused for a moment. “That doesn’t seem right, but, whatever. Debate has now eneded!”
Guards came in, gagged Kerry, and dragged them away. Kennedy was fed whiskey until he passed out.
“Now we’ll vote on confirming Alito,” Cheney said. “Hell… we know how that vote is going. Let’s just go ahead and say he’s confirmed. Any objections?”
Reid began to speak, but then Cheney pulled out a gun and shot him in the kneecaps.
“No objections,” Cheney stated.
Alito ran up to where the nine justice were seated, grabbed Sandra Day O’Connor, and tossed her out of her seat. He then pumped his arms in the air and yelled, “I’m now a Supreme Court Justice, and you call can suck it and suck it hard! Woooo!”

“It’s a good day,” Bush said as he sat in his office. “Now I just need to knock ’em dead with my State of the Union Address. Hey, Alito, everytime I announce a new wacky scheme, I need you to stand up and shout, ‘That’s perfectly Constitutional!'”
“No problem,” Alito answered. “Hey, I don’t like some of the other Justices and am thinking of having them whacked. Is that okay?”
Bush shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t got no say over the Judicial Branch; do what you want. Now, let’s get speakerin’!”

Bush stood in the Capitol prepared to speak, but up in the rafters a woman shouted, “Bush lied! People died!”
Bush squinted to see who it was. “Cindy Sheehan? Who the hell let her in here?”
“How many more people must die before I get more media coverage!” Cindy yelled.
“I’m sorry about your son, but shut the hell up!” Bush shouted back.
“I’m not sorry! He was a baby killer who fought the freedom fighters in Iraq in only want to blow up children in peace!”
Bush shook his head. He then turned to some guards all in black. “Gestapo, take her outside and shoot her.”
“That’s perfectly Constitutional!” Alito said.
The guards quickly made their way to Cindy Sheehan, grabbed her, and dragged her outside. Soon, the sound of a gunshot was heard. Bush sighed in relief. “Well, that’s that. Now on to my speech.
“You may have noticed my guest sitting next to the First Lady. They are a bomb sniffing dog from Afghanistan who here in honor of his service, Chuck Norris because he’s cool, and a live grizzly bear… though I forgot why he’s here.” Bush looked to Laura. “Stop fidgeting or he may kill you… No, not the bear; it’s tranqued. I’m talking about Chuck Norris.”
Bush cleared his throat and looked back to the teleprompter. “America is a strong country, and we’ve made great progress. Unfortunately, my measure to save Social Security was blocked…”
The Democrats all stood and cheered. “Screw America!” one exclaimed.
“You’re not supposed to cheer at that, dinguses!” Bush yelled at them.
Suddenly, the bomb sniffing dog ran over and tackled Senator Schumer. All the others quited in fear.
“Good dog,” Bush said. “Anyway, I have other plans, and this whole Alito confirmation has proved that the Democrats are too impotent to stop me.”
“Yay me!” Alito stood up and cheered.
“One thing is alternative fuels.” Bush stopped and checked the teleprompter again. “This sounds boring,” Bush grumbled. “There are many ways we can power our vehicles,” Bush continued, speaking up, “such as with corn, grass…” Bush’s eyes started to close. “…wood chips…”

“Bush’s falling asleep during his own speech has caused some controversy,” the anchorman said. “Conservatives have said it just shows how relaxed Bush is with his policies that he can actually go to sleep when talking about them. Liberals say that his falling asleep proved this is all about oil and that we must get out of Iraq now. When asked to elaborate, they just kept repeating themselves. When asked for comment, Bush said he thought he was just talking to Congress, and, if he catches us spying on him again, he’ll murder us all.
“After the break, remember to stay tuned for our special feature: Who will Iran nuke first?”