American Idol group week

i hate group week. you always have 3 people working together, and one of them decides he either doesn’t want to deal with the others, or he’s too good to be in the group with the others, or he’s just really so much better than the others.
what. a beating.

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McClellan and Gregory the Rematch

The White House doesn’t label who asks the questions in the transcripts, but I think this was the follow up between Scott McClellan and David Gregory today (I heard the final part of it on Rush) after Gregory’s freak-out yesterday (empahsis near the end is mine):

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via Hugh Hewitt

Fun Trivia

Why did the muckadoo favored Paul Hackett drop out of the Ohio Senate race?

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It’s a small world after al- *BLAM* *BLAM*

From a response to Michelle Malkin’s post on Harry Whittington’s hospital scare and moratorium on Herry Whittington jokes:

A World of Harry Whittingtons would be a fine place indeed.

For God’s sake, don’t give Disney any bright ideas. The last thing I want to do is float in a fake log through an endless series of vice presidents blowing away lawyer-puppets with shotguns all around the world.
TOP TEN FAILED DISNEYWORLD ATTRACTIONS
10. Hall Of Secretaries Of The Interior
9. Georgia Frontiereland
8. Day-After-Tomorrowland
7. Captain EU
6. 20% Chance Of Thunderstorms Railroad
5. Tower Of Legitimate Resistance Against Occupation
4. Tsunami Lagoon Water Park
3. Wall Street USA
2. Enchanted Tiki Barber Room
1. Intellectual Property Thieves of the Caribbean

It’s All Fun and Games Until Someone Has a Heart Attack

Just when you thought there was nothing funnier than getting shot in the face, this happens. I assume that, with a 28-gauge, the shot is so small that it can be moved through the bloodstream. I guess some prayers are in order, as, in all accounts (well, the few that focus on anything other than Cheney), Whittington is a good man. I hope there are no more complications in his recovery.
Best of the Web yesterday (“Sorry About That, Harry”) was the only place I found any real information on Harry Whittington. Check it out.

IMAO Demands MORE Global Warming!!

If you’re like me, you’re probably getting fed up with religious extremists. That’s why I took great joy in hearing that Hollywood bought the rights to Al Gores new documentary “An Inconvenient Truth.” For those of you who don’t know, Al Gore was involved in a movie about global warming. I haven’t seen it but assume it involves the liberal basics: American blame, corporate greed, and a gay love story.

Before I go on, let me be clear on something: I have a high tolerance for religious values — I really do. But it seems like every day one of these whack jobs stops me to share “the good news” that the “end is coming soon” and we have to be “ready” for the “glorious day.”

Of course, “that glorious day” refers to the final day of the Bush Administration. After that, they tell us, we can start to address the issues of global warming.

But religious wackos like Gore really get on my nerves. It seems like we keep seeing clips of Al Gore screaming stuff like, “Global Warming is going to kill us”, or “the U.S. Hates Arabs” or “Where’s My Ketchup?!” With the sale of this movie to Hollywood, now maybe Al’s influence can go beyond affecting the tides.

This must be stopped! We could do something about Gore and these religious extremists if only we had a greater separation of church and state. Is there nothing we can do? Why must these myopic people force their views on us? Why can’t they accept that the theory of Darwin isn’t some sort of fairy tale involving half truths, huge gaps in evidence, and wishful denial of a deity?

If they would accept it, then we could move and and enjoy a quiet and peaceful evolutionary process. That is why today I call on IMAO readers to join me in a brand new movement – the kind you have never ever seen before.

Today, I call on us to demand MORE global warming.

I know this may not be a popular request. If the polar ice caps melt and the world ocean levels rise, this could wipe out countless species. If the volcanoes rage out of control we could end up with a world full of muddy ash. And let’s not forget the freezing cold we’re undergoing. There’s nothing worse that being flooded, freezing, and hot. But it would be wrong to stop global warming. Ladies, gentlemen, and undecided – we must allow global warming to happen. It is the only scientifically logical choice. Let me explain.

A few hours before the flood, the IMAO crew was in New Orleans. We were taking a tour, while Lair was off by the levees muttering something about a Zionist conspiracy. I don’t know, I wasn’t paying attention. As the flood waters came, and we tried to get out, I remember telling rescue workers to ignore all those people stranded on rooftops and not to save them. Yet, those “religious wackos” were so focused on saving “precious life” that they wouldn’t let the Darwinian evolutionary process take place.

When will this fascism end?

I remember Frank and I taking bets. How long before these stranded roof dwellers would adapt to the environment? What would happen? Would they develop the ability to drink toxic water? Would their digestive systems mutate to be able to eat roof shingles? Gills? Bright orange skin allowing them to be seen from far away?

Sadly, the fascist extremists and the respect for life won out, and we were left to wonder what would have happened to these roof dwellers, and why Lair kept yelling, “I did it. I did it!”

Well – no more. NO MORE!! If we teach this evolutionary process and believe in it, then it is only fair that we let it go forward – none of this “preserve Mother Earth” crap. It’s time to Let Go and Let Evolution.

Want to help? I thought you would.

Here are the things that you, as an every day evolving species, can do to accelerate global warming and allow change to happen!

Screw the trees. There are acres and acres of forests out there that do nothing but impede the growth of future Wal-Marts. This is unacceptable. Remember, forests are a good place for all those Bambi and Thumper types to gather and create sinister plots. Besides, Bambi and Thumper can adapt.

Drive everywhere. Sometimes, I call my neighbor and ask for a ride – to the end of my driveway. Helpful hint: hard driving can generate more pollution. I tend to Burn Rubber from stoplight to stoplight. This not only makes me look cool – but should I get lost – I can find my way back by following the tire marks.

Become a celebrity. Take Barbra Streisand for example: her many mansions take a ton of energy to power and heat. If you were to stand on her front porch, you could look up at the sky and practically see the hole in the ozone layer getting bigger. Then you’d have to run, because your survival instinct would kick in saying, “It’s Barbra – she’s going to eat me.”

I’m still investigating other potential steps such as having the US sign the Kyoto Agreements. I strongly suspect that joining the Kyoto is as effective as Al Gore’s gym membership. This, however, will require some research – so you’ll have to wait for that as a separate post.

We hope you join our cause.

Happy Valentine’s Day

I had a little contest to help sell t-shirts, and now I have a kindered spirit to spend my life with. I thank God everyday for her and hope all of you can find such happiness.
I love you, SarahK. Happy Valentine’s Day.

The flash pan hunter

Apparently, Dick Cheney didn’t have a stamp for hunting quail.
As for hunting lawyers, well, here in Texas they’re always in season and you don’t need a stamp.
UPDATE
Brilliant idea: Dick Cheney needs robot friends.

Another Great Represenative of Islam

My post on how to draw Mohammed seemed to gain the ire of a Muslim… or at least I think so. The comment is kinda hard to understand, but you can see for yourself:
(CAUTION: Contains coarse language and poor grammar and spelling)

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Say it ain’t so . . .

Senator Harry Reid is eyeball deep in the Abrahamof scandal, after months of criticizing Republicans for alleged ties to Abrahamof’s lobbying firm? That would make Reid a lying, hypocritical, opportunist, scumbag. Can’t be.
crookedreid.jpg
Doh! Sorry, I spoke too soon . . .
reidcard.jpg

There’s More to This Shooting Than First Known…

It all comes together now. Cheney and Whittington were both hunting without the seven dollar stamp now required due to newly instated laws. Whittington eventually felt so guilty that he was going to turn himself and Cheney into the authorities. Cheney then shot Whittington in the face to prevent that.
It didn’t work, though, and now both Cheney and Whittington have received warnings and Cheney has had to pay the seven dollars. Crime – specifically shooting people in the face – doesn’t pay, kids.
Remember to keep reading IMAO: your number one news source about Dick Cheney shooting people.

In My World: Quailgate

“As we all know now,” White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan said, “Cheney was involved in a hunting accident and…”
“Why are we being told of this now?” screamed one reporter. “This happened twenty-four hours ago! Why weren’t we the first to know?”
“It was decided that…”
“How could we be scooped by some local rag called the Corpus Christi Caller-Times?” shouted another reporter. “We’re the White House Press Corp! We’re supposed to know everything first!”
“I think you all are over reacting to…”
“Now I find out that even some podunk hospital – a hospital – knew about this before me… ME! David Gregory!” David Gregory screeched. “I want the Vice President impeached for this!”
“Let’s all just take a breath and… Eep!”
Scott ducked behind his podium as the press charged him. He could feel the podium trying to be ripped away as one reporter yelled, “Press mad! Press smash!”
Then some loud footsteps were heard. Off to the side stood Dick Cheney who took a swig of a whiskey bottle before tossing it away. He then gripped his pump-action shotgun with both hands and fired into the press, knocking them down.
“I just shot the press, press,” Cheney told the press, “and you’re the first to know.” He chambered another round. “Any questions?”