Graphic violence – hooray!
Previously on 24… It’s possible I’ll start to like Audrey. Y’all should put me down, because no one should live in the condition of liking Audrey. Plus, some other stuff happened, like the First Lady jumped in the car with the Russian president so the American Frenchman wouldn’t give the assassins the motorcade route of the Russian president.
Many people are saying we should leave Iraq. This is not a good strategy for victory if you let me explain. You see, when you’re competing at something and suddenly leave, you lose.
Like most people, I’ve been watching Olympic curling. Sometimes, one team would be so far behind that, instead of playing to the end, they’d just shake hands and leave. And know what happened then? That team would lose! Yes, they could have stayed longer and tried against odds to win, but, since they left, the judges just went ahead and marked them a loser.
Maybe you’re thinking now that perhaps leaving is a good idea if you know you will lose because leaving and losing now will save time. Well, that’s loser talk. Also, listen to this: when I was a kid, I played soccer (I was young; I didn’t know any better). Once, we were trouncing a team so badly that it got boring and we just left. We had a ton more goals, but, because we left, we were marked as losing! So, even if you’re winning, leaving causes you to lose!
Remember the only war America lost? My dad does; he’s a Vietnam vet and, every time I see him, I say, “Hey, remember that war you were in? You lost it, loser.” Then he hangs his head and walks away and I yell, “Yeah, you better walk away, loser.” As my dad sometimes tells me, it wasn’t his fault we lost the Vietnam War; it was the fault of those who decided to leave. This is great wisdom even though it comes from someone who was in a loser war. If you trace the Vietnam War to the exact moment we lost, it’s when we left. Once we weren’t there any longer, there was no chance to win. This is important to understand.
So, having learned from Vietnam, I don’t know why anyone would suggest we leave Iraq. That’s a sure way to lose. Some say we need to leave because it’s dangerous there, but, when I’ve talked to troops about leaving, they’re like, “But then we’ll lose! People died for this; we’re not going to lose. You stop talking about leaving and losing!” Then I get punched, and that punch hurts because it’s from someone trained how to punch by the military.
Thus, we can’t leave Iraq or we’ll lose. Then our troops will be losers and I’ll have to shout at them, “Hey! Losers!” And they’ll be too sullen to punch me. Our military men and women deserve better.
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us and is a frequent contributor to IMAOPodcast.com. He is also the author of such books as “War and Peace: How to Choose” and “Hiroshima and Nagasaki: A Case Study on Why Not to Bomb Hawaii”.
Spacemonkey added the e-mail option to all posts so now you can easily e-mail IMAO links to friends, family, high-trafficked bloggers, and celebrities (hey, I don’t know if Michael Moore ever read that hate mail I wrote for him).
Also, since I don’t have a permanent link on the side yet, make sure to check out the new IMAO T-Shirt:
BUY NOW!!!
One of the techniciansis diagnosing a network connection problem, so he asks the customer for his IP address and his service provider.
He responds with his IP address and “cable.”
Not the name of the cable company he gets his access through. Just “cable.”
I wonder what he’s going to eat for lunch. Will he just go a place called Lunch?
Don Knotts was a comedy hero to me.
Even though the Barney Fife character will live on in reruns and on DVD collections, won’t be able to watch them without a tinge of sadness knowing the man behind the badge, the bullet and, yes, the bud nipping has gone on to the Mayberry Eternal.
I, for one, will miss him greatly.
More at Jack Lewis.
Though it was for the bronze, the U.S. curling team played a gold-medal quality game against Britain for our first ever medals in curling. Though I knew nothing about curling before watching the Team USA play their first game against Norway in round-robin play, I immediately was hooked. Curling ended up being the only game I really followed during the Olympics, and we were the underdogs in the men’s competition (the women’s competition was another story; Team USA was a favorite coming in and caught a lot of tough breaks keeping them from the finals), but, near the end, our team tied for first in the round-robin play. And that last game, ever player was near perfect. So congrats to some hard-earned medals, and now SarahK and I are going to have to look into starting a curling club locally.
