National Black History Month

Okay, so some of you have been wondering why we haven’t done anything on National Black History Month. Well, besides the fact that we’re all a bunch of white guys (with one white gal who’s pretty), there’s the fact that any attempt to come up with anything funny about National Black History Month by non-blacks would be considered racist.
Or, as Oliver Willis puts it: RACIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As the Token Jew of IMAO, I feel a bond with all sorts of other tokens in our society, especially token blacks. After all, weren’t Jews slaves to the Egyptians under Pharaoh Ramses? Didn’t each of us have our era of domination in the NBA? And the boxing ring? And weren’t Jews shipped to the New World in gigantic boats?
(Okay, so we weren’t chained up and sold like livestock. Except for those of us in show business.)
So with all this in mind… um… err…
Sammy Davis Junior! Sammy Davis Junior! Sammy Davis Junior!
There. I did it. You thought I couldn’t do it, but I did it.
Remember, it’s National Black History Month for the rest of the month. And it’s a non-leap year, so you’re getting ripped off with just 28 days of National Black History Month instead of 29 days of National Black History Month.
Thank you, and peace out.

American Idol 5 top 12 guys

Paula wants unique and different. not just unique. not just different. she wants that unique performance that’s also different from the others. and that different performance that is also unique. got that?

Randy wants the dawgs to bring it.

Simon wants to hear about your suntan.

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War On Terror Greeting Card

(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)
Wandering about the greeting card aisle this last Valentine’s Day, I was struck by the fact that there seems to be a card for almost every occasion.
Except the War on Terror.
It occurs to me that Hallmark could make a killing if they expanded their offerings a bit, for example:


The Osama Fatwa Card:
Infidels! You make me mad!
Praising Allah’s not so bad.
You must do things Islam’s way,
Listen now to what I say.
Pray five times toward Mecca town
Women covered with a gown
No more pork and no free speech
No bikinis on the beach
Obey me lest I chop your head
Blow you up, and make you dead.
I return to my cave now after that.
To dine upon this tasty rat.
YUM!
Love,
Osama


If nothing else, it’d save the terrorists the trouble of making all those badly-dubbed Osama podcasts.

Ask Dr. Duck – I’m here to help…

This is a cold confusing world isn’t it? Well, close the DOOR! Do you think we’re made of money?
Anyway, it’s time for Ask Dr. Duck: The segment I do each week (yup, I’ve decided to make it a regular post) where I offer my love and guidance. Well – my guidance at least.
Do you have a question on your mind? Love? Life? Relationships? Politics?
The Doctor is in. Remember, I’m just like a real doctor except I have no credentials and no training.
Disclaimer: Dr. Duck is not a real doctor. He’s also not a real duck. But he is Mexican and has darker skin than Bryant Gumbel. But then again, so does Michael Jackson. Bryant is funny – I hope he says something again. Anyway, Dr. Duck’s advice is offered for entertainment purposes – should you choose to follow any of his advice – now THAT would be entertainment. Results guaranteed or your money back. No refunds. Store credit only. IMAO has a strict policy that says, “You break it – you buy it.” Questions may be submitted by posting in comments, by email at rightwingduck at yahoo dotcom or by snail mail: RWD, North Pole – C/O Santa Claus.
Answers posted on Friday.

Guess I Picked Out the Wrong Size Doggy Door

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Write your own caption!

Carvinal Off Codemy Redminer

Damian G. (whihc wlli bee teh olny wrod II spel corectly inn thsi psot) wili bee hsoting teh carvinal of codemy att Conservastink onn thrusday.
Marhc 2nd – #44 -: Christobal att Platopuke Socialitis.
Mrach 9th- #45 – Bobb att Ether Ore
Mcrah 16th – #46 – Been att Been’s Raints
Wnat too hoset? emale mee att spaazemunkey@imao.us wtih “Hose Carvinal Off Codemy” asthe snubject.
Wnat too inter? Goe heer, oar hear ore weel bea misupelling Eeew neckst!

Sometimes It’s Hard to Come Up with a Clever Little Title for Everything

Lots of stuff came up today, so your regularly scheduled In My World™ will have to wait until tomorrow.
The wacky comment SarahK found reminds me that I have a DVD of an interview Sgt. Joe foo’ the Marine gave to a local station in Idaho in December. It’s half an hour long with two thirds of the show about Toys for Tots, but, in the first third, my brother tells all about his experience in Iraq, what it was like dealing with Iraqis, about being a translator (foo’ taught himself to speak Arabic on his own time), and about when his group found a giant (perhaps the largest found) weapons cache… which even had a prisoner kept there. What software do I need to rip the video from the DVD, and how much can I legally show before I have to ask permission (I know that people like the Political Teen post clips from shows all the time)?
Finally, we are busy at work recording for the next podcast. It looks like it should be a funny one (for once!). Keep waiting with bated breath.
BTW, this could totally sink the Bush Administration if true.

What were the other five Commandments?

With the Mohammed Cartoons backlash crap still flowing around, thanks to various ill-tempered imams viciously stirring up their illiterate and ignorant angry followers in a plethora of the globe’s finest armpits, I got to thinking about the rather humorous mockery of an actual prophet… by one of his semi-devout and more-than-famous followers, no less!
From History of the World – Part I, I bring you the comedy stylings of Mel Brooks:

MOSES: The Lord, the Lord Jehovah has given unto you these fifteen…


*CRASH*

MOSES: Oy! Ten! Ten commandments for all to obey!

My question is a simple one:: What were the other five Commandments?

Good to Know

So Glenn Reynolds is going to send me an autographed copy of his new book.

You could say that Diana and Dodi had a photo finish

Just in case you’re wondering, after nine years of legal wrestling and wrangling, it all boils down to this: the penalty for chasing a British ex-princess and her boyfriend to death is one euro.
Before you get any bright ideas, keep in mind that’s one euro each for the three photographers convicted of chasing Diana and Dodi to their doom, not together.
Leave it to the French to come up with a punishment that doesn’t begin to cover the horrifying curcumstances with which two humans were driven to their deaths by professional parasites, let alone the fact that the three euro coins they’re collecting won’t even cover the deceaseds’ long rotted-out eyes completely.

American Idol 5 top 12 girls

(crossposted from mountaineer musings)
i was watching curling, taking a long, hot bath and hitting an early pillow last night, so i’m just now watching Idol. which means i didn’t vote, so if the right girl doesn’t get kicked off, i don’t get to complain. haha, yeah right. i’ll moan and groan and yell and kick, and poor Frank will have to listen to me. y’all will too, unless your scroll bars are working.

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But are there pedicures in Iraq?

Jim Tarver, who missed the social studies class about communism, writes… (edited for language)

Why don’t you pinkos go and fight the wars? Because you’re pinkos. You f@g war whimps need to get over the thought that poor kids can fight your battles for you.
So, pick your sorry pinkytoes up and go fight the wars if you want. Just leave the rest of us to live our lives in peace.

You’re totally right, Jim. You’ve really turned me around here.