(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)
Wandering about the greeting card aisle this last Valentine’s Day, I was struck by the fact that there seems to be a card for almost every occasion.
Except the War on Terror.
It occurs to me that Hallmark could make a killing if they expanded their offerings a bit, for example:

The Osama Fatwa Card:
Infidels! You make me mad!
Praising Allah’s not so bad.
You must do things Islam’s way,
Listen now to what I say.
Pray five times toward Mecca town
Women covered with a gown
No more pork and no free speech
No bikinis on the beach
Obey me lest I chop your head
Blow you up, and make you dead.
I return to my cave now after that.
To dine upon this tasty rat.
YUM!
Love,
Osama

If nothing else, it’d save the terrorists the trouble of making all those badly-dubbed Osama podcasts.