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Archive of entries posted on 23rd February 2006
American Idol 5 first results show
(crossposted from mm)
the opening banter between Simon and Ryan was funny.
btw, i usually don’t blog the results show, but i just got so sucked in when they did the Eagles song, and Taylor harmonized, and i started we’re-not-worthying. plus Chris was so great on that song, and so was Elliot. btw, when Elliot smiles and gets all excited, he looks a bit like Lair. and no, i’m not just saying that because they’re both Jooish. besides, i have no official confirmation that Elliot’s Jooish, because only an anonymous commenter told me so.
somebody’s gonna get sued . . .
This Is Your Brain; This Is Your Brain on Ports
The more I learn about this issue with the ports, the more I learn I don’t know anything from which to form an opinion. Despite my capitalistic instincts, I would have assumed the U.S. government ran our ports. As for reality, I don’t know what “owning” a port entails. I could probably look that up, but it sounds boring. Thus, I don’t trust Congress on this issue, because people in Congress seem to be dumber and have shorter attention spans than me.
Anyway, the UAE seems like moderate Muslims in that, deep down, they want to kill us all and force Islam upon the world, but they have better things to do. They’re a modern economy, and I don’t really see them sacrificing that to blow a few things up…. even to kill Jews. Plus, they are an ally.
Still, they have radical Muslim beliefs. If selling the port were like contracting out our airline security, I’d be against it even if I found it highly unlikely for the UAE to sponsor attacks against us. But, if selling out ports to them is no more dangerous than selling them the Dairy Queen down the street, then I don’t see any problem (“Now that they control how many pieces of crushed Butterfinger go in our Blizzards™, they’ll be able to kill us all!”).
Since I don’t know, it would seem the safe thing to do would be against selling the ports since it’s like I’m going to make any money from it. Still, if selling the UAE the ports is inconsequential to security, to deny them would kinda be a slight when we need allies. It would be like, “I’m not selling my Hyundai Santa Fe because you’re a Muslim!” That could hurt feelings, and hurting people’s feeling is wrong when it isn’t especially humorous.
I really need someone smarter to steal an opinion from here, but anyone who understands this issue entirely must have spent lots of time reading really boring stuff, and people who spend lots of time reading really boring stuff are suspect to me.
I think I won’t have an opinion on this. I can do that, right?
UPDATE: If you come to IMAO to get your opinions and thus need my opinion, I currently lack a coin to flip. Any suggestions?
UPDATE 2: The Ubeliever had pointed out this page where I can flip virtual coins. Now, the question is what coin should I use and what should being for the port be heads or tails? Should I put up a poll? Should I put up a poll on having a poll?
Not having an opinon and trying to artificially manufacture one is hard…
Port Quagmire May Cause Armagedden
I’m afraid the entire port issue has devolved into a quagmire. Sure, you know things are going screwy when Jimmy Carter is coming in on the side of the president but that’s not what has really caused the whole thing to go south. What was the tipping point? The moment that president George W. Bush threatened to do what he swore never to do while he was president, use the Veto. I remember what he said during his inauguration, the first one i think.
…and uphold and defend the constitution…
,and that’s when he drifted into a trance, got that far away look, and said ..
…but never, EVER use the accursed veto because for its use has been forever tainted by traitors and commies like Clinton, and terrorist appeasers like Carter and I’m no commie traitor or terrorist appeaser. But if I ever DO use the veto or even threaten to do so, it shall be a sign to all that the End of Days is near. Other signs will be prior to this a high ranking Republican will shoot another Republican, possibly in the face, perhaps with a gun that use some sort of shot…
Going back to these words I heard spoken during that solemn ceremony I knew things had reached critical mass. To forestall the coming apocolypse only one course can be taken. In accordance with prophecy, the ports in question must be ritually cleansed with unmarked 100 dollar bills, (you can mail them to me) and then destroyed by ‘the fire that lights the sun.” When this is complete the ritual slaughter of all who published an opinion about the issue, whether for it or against it, can commence in earnest. Oh and we can attack and colonize the UAE. We can just scratch out the E and stick an ‘S’ between the U and the A on all their stuff. Don’t they have oil? With Arab in the name they’ve practivcally GOT to. Yeah we can take that too.
In retrospect maybe saying the world wlil end if he uses the veto and swearing not to use it are two different things, but he was being sworn in when I heard him say it. But no thinking person would say this is an administration that wants to go in the history books as being the one that caused the end of the world.
Don’t forget to email me for the address to the send those c-notes for me to use for, uh, all the port cleansing stuff.
Why Is Everyone Always After Malkin?
She’ll be posting at PJM until the DoS attack is solved. When they find those involved, they should DoS attack their heads with a two-by-four.
But non-violently; violence is wrong.
Maybe the TSA isn’t as dumb as we thought?
Let me get this straight… a man’s shirt erupted into flames after he was shot with a Taser?
Dennis Crouch had already slashed himself. And when he refused to drop his knife, Daytona Beach police Officer Betsy Cassidy decided she had no choice.
“Taser! Taser!” Cassidy shouted as she sent a two-pronged wire, packing 50,000 volts, at Crouch’s chest. What happened next stunned everyone.
Um… do cops shout “GUN! GUN!” before shooting someone with their sidearm?
A Taser probe pierced the pocket of his khaki shirt — and ignited the butane lighter inside. Cassidy’s pocket exploded in flames.
And now you know why they ban lighters on airplanes, folks.
Well, those and really sharp knives. Because they’re a somewhat deadly combination when you have to Taser them.
Speaking by cell phone from his hospital bed Tuesday, Crouch said he had been drinking at the time and didn’t remember everything that happened the night before.
Oh, I forgot. They ban drunk people, too. Nothing’s worse than Tasering Johnny Sixpack waving a knife around and turning him into Johnny Fireball.
I Want to Kill All Americans and Turn The Entire World into One Muslim State, But That Will Not Affect How We Run the Ports
An Editorial by President Khalifa bin Zayid al-Nuhayyan of the United Arab Emirates
As many of you now know, a company owned by my country is about to buy a number of your ports. Any rational look at this deal will see that it benefits both our countries, but, of course, many of you stupid infidels are all opposing this even though you don’t understand the slightest thing about it. This whole controversy just makes me want to wipe out all you moron crusaders all the more, but please understand that this port deal is much more important to us than the eventual victory of Islam over the entire world, Allah willing.
Get one thing straight, this has nothing to do with port security. Your own Zionist-aligned government does all of that, you abominations to my sight. It’s not like because we run a couple cranes in America that suddenly we can sneak in some nerve gas, you idiots. Even if we could, how suicidal do you think we are? If we let terrorists use the ports, it’s not like it would take Sherlock Holmes to trace that back to us since we own them. Do you know how rich I am? Do you really think I want to be hiding in some spider hole like that ass Saddam? Of course, I’m using logic that would take a moment’s reflection, something that’s a little too advance for you mindless critics. This makes me so mad, I want to murder all you Americans in your sleep… until I remember the economic implications of that.
And stop bringing up how two of the 9/11 hijackers came from here; is America responsible for every one of its citizens? If you think the UAE was involved with in planning 9/11, then come out and say it so I can strangle you for your lies. Yes, I cheered for a moment at the deaths of so many infidels… until I remembered how much business we do in New York! My country has a huge per capita income, but it’s honestly not the most solid in the world. Implications of us involved in terrorism could knock us over the edge, and, if you took a poll of our citizens, you’d see a near majority consider economic stability more important than mass murder. As much as I want you all to die, we have our own housing bubble to worry about over here. Do any of you understand that? Sometimes I think I’d have to use a pipe bomb to get through your thick skulls.
And honestly, how many of you knew your ports weren’t owned by Americans before all this? I swear, if any of you raise your hands, I’ll cut them off. None of you knew anything about the ports until the talking heads and harlots jumped on this issue, and suddenly all of you are like, “Oh no! The Arabs are going to run our ports and they want to kill us all!” Hell yes, we want to kill you all, but it’s not like we could fit that in our business plan. Have any of you looked at our business plan? Of course not. Holy Allah, I so want to strangle you all!
All I want you stupid infidels to understand is that this deal is all business. All thing being equal, I would stab you all repeatedly and then behead you, but that is not a money making venture. So stop your stupid mouth flapping before you make us so mad that we seriously begin considering using your ports to kill you.
Khalifa bin Zayid al-Nuhayyan is the President of the United Arab Emirates and likes to watch horse and camel racing and plot the destruction of Israel between business ventures.
In My World: Presidential Inquiry
Bush looked up from his desk to Cheney. “Hey, Dick, is this whole selling the ports to the UAE just some plot to get the public to accept the ports actually being bought by Halliburton?”
“Whittington asked lots of questions,” Cheney answered, cleaning his shotgun.
“Uh… I’m going to go back to working on the word jumble in today’s paper.”
“You do that.”
Hot Dog
No more leaving for work, locking the door, and realizing I frogot my sunglasses and then heading back in. That’s just toturing poor Rowdi.
Anyway, I wish the cats would get over their fear of the giant beast with the massive teeth because I want my dog to be able to follow me throughout the house. I hate keeping her in the kitchen, especially since the AC seemed to have stopped working yesterday (anyone know how to debug AC?). We got a Gentle Leader (no, it’s not some sort of Asian Communist dicator) to help train her and maybe keep her in control when the cats are ready enough to see her and not freak. We put the neck strap on as instructed, but the sound of her breathing changes (though she doesn’t seem to mind). Anyone ever use one?
Sorry about the blegging, but we’re worried about our dog. She just wants to be good and be loved, and we don’t want to screw up our end.
Fun Trivia
When the U.S. government made Black History Month the shortest month of the year, what man was it trying to keep down?