so Jack & Curtis have gotten a break and know where to meet the super bad terrorist guy.
they’ve moved Walt’s body. what?? Walt was married?? what woman would marry him?? yep, let Walt go out with some dignity, him being a rotten traitor and all. that suicide sure is dignified.
Evelyn still hasn’t told the first lady that she was the one who told Walt where to find the info on the first lady’s body. btw, boss lady, i kinda thought you were crazy, so i gave him all the info he needed to attack you. my bad. i think Evelyn’s gonna be trouble. she doesn’t believe Walt could do that and she thinks the first lady is a bit wacko. so she’s gonna get all nutso and stupid and ruin stuff.
yay. we get to see Audrey look worried while Jack’s doing an undercover op, trying to convince them he’s one of them and scared of them.
i’m so shocked! they punched Jack and “made” him go with them!
look at Audrey acting like her love for Jack should be a determining factor of when the tac teams move in. how whiny of her.
i loved the look on Logan’s face when Martha told him she’s going to tell Walt’s wife the truth because it’s the right thing to do. betcha the President either offs her, locks her up, or commits her.
btw, i’m very disappointed in Mike Novick. truth is good. lying is bad. didn’t he ever go to Sunday school? the guy’s Italian, so probably Catholic. don’t they teach lying is bad? (yes, i’m such a horrible person to stereotype Italians.)
i’m starting to think Lynn is a mole. i’d rather let one canister be set off than 20? bad Rudy! do the Truffle Shuffle!
“may i see your paperwork?” “yes. funny, it’s more like metal than paper, but it will kill you all the same.” “but wait! i have this rock! doesn’t that beat metal?” “yes, but this is a gun, not scissors, and you’re wearing a red shirt.” / voices in my head.
the President deserves a divorce. i get angry just looking at him. i want to divorce him myself.
remember last week when i said that Kim and all of Jack’s ladyloves and such will be at the mall? watch, i’m gonna be right.
do the terrorists know you’re not allowed to knock out Jack Bauer? it’s like a federal crime punishable by time in a prison no one knows about. plus, he’ll kill you for it. i think the CTU peeps should start yelling in Jack’s earpiece to wake him up.
i hope i don’t start liking Audrey. i’m starting to not like Bill, and i know i don’t like Lynn. i liked him until he screwed up an op to go meet his druggie sister, but now i’m done with him.
ok, so i was wrong about Jack’s hordes of women being there. but i don’t think i’m wrong about Lynn being a mole.
Walt’s wife is a terrorist, i bet. she’s too big an actress (big like recognizable, not big like large) and when the President comes in to stop Martha from telling the wife, she’s gonna kill him. she could easily pass for Russian. in fact, in this one ALIAS episode last season (Welcome to Liberty Village), she played a Russian, and i believed it. so i’m thinking she came over from the motherland and recruited Walt.
which is open for next episode…
speaking of next week… that guy who talked to Walt in the first few episodes (pacing with the earpiece) is gonna help CTU apparently. and the President is sanctioning someone’s murder.
and next week, there’d better be more Chloe! i get sad when she just runs tech and doesn’t insult people and tell them to shut up.
eh, nothing really quoteworthy… this episode was a’ight. had some action, but no big twists, nothing too unpredictable. which means next week will probably be stellar.
Frank wants me to tell y’all that he thought this ep was kinda blah.
Archive of entries posted on 13th February 2006
Al Gore burns U.S. at Jedi Economic Forum . . .
Homeland Security Instructional Video: You Hear a Bump in the Night
This instructional video (by Eric Anderson) has been fixed so you can now watch it and everything. Go now!
Once again, it is based on my explanation of the Homeland Security Advisory System.
Top Ten List: Be Wewy, wewy, quiet…
Poor Vice President Cheney. I can understand all of his pent up frustration. I strongly recommend that we invade another country immediately — otherwise, Dick’s going to start running out of friends.
As you know, on Saturday, the Vice President was out hunting with a small group. One of the party members, Harry Whittington, a lawyer from Texas, was accidentally shot by the VP.
Fortunately, because of his heart condition, the VP travels with a doctor, a nurse, and an ambulance. This was good news for Mr. Whittington. I remember that Bill Clinton used to travel with his own necessary supplies: a Barry White CD, a bottle of wine, and a French Maid Outfit.
With all of the press coverage — we have to ask ourselves — What Exactly Did Mr. Cheney Say when he realized he shot somebody in his hunting party.
The Top Ten Things Dick Cheney Said After the Shooting
10. Are you SURE it’s not lawyer season?
9. Ha — that’ll teach you to stop chasing my ambulance.
8. I nicked him. Do I still get a prize?
7. Okay, guys. Hold him down and check him for WMDs.
6. Walk it off, you wimp.
5. One more try — this time I’ll give you a head start.
4. Didn’t you to say you wanted to be an embedded lawyer?
3. It’s an emergency! We better call FEMA.
2. Sure I missed him. But look at my shot grouping.
And the number one thing Dick Cheney said when he accidentally shot somebody while hunting–
Soccer Cartoons
After one of Iran’s state-run newspapers started a contest for cartoons denying or mocking the Holocaust as a retort to European free speech laws, a German newspaper decided to engage in a little free-speech reply to Iran:
The Iranian embassy in Germany has demanded a written apology from a Berlin newspaper that printed a cartoon of Iranian soccer players dressed as suicide bombers and threatened legal action if none is forthcoming.
The sketch, published on Friday by Der Tagesspiegel, shows four moustachioed soccer players wearing Iran shirts with explosives strapped to their chests next to four German soldiers in a soccer stadium.
A caption above read: “Why the German army should definitely be used during the soccer World Cup!”, referring to a debate in Germany about whether to use troops to help with security during the month-long tournament which begins June 9.
That’s just horrible… don’t they know that the explosives go under the warmup jackets?
Stupid Germans!
I’m Sorry I Rooted for Marshal Will Kane to Kill Him
Frank Miller will be making a graphic novel of Batman fighting Al Qaeda. That might be enough to get me to actually buy one of these novels that are graphic for the first time.
Questions regarding the Mohammed cartoons rage…
What if someone were to produce a Connect-The-Dots that had resulted in a picture of Mohammed? Who would be to blame for the depiction of Mohammed: the person who made the Connect-The-Dots or the consumer who picked up a pencil and connected them?
What if someone were to produce one of those “Magic Eye” pictures that you have to relax and unfocus your eyes to see the picture, and the picture turns out to be Mohammed? Who would be to blame for the depiction of Mohammed: the person who made the Connect-The Dots or the viewer who relaxed their eyes to see it?
What if someone were to produce a picture of Mohammed that is only visible through the method of Anamorphosis requiring a point of view that is impossible to use, depicting something completely different when viewed head-on? Would the artist or the person attempting to reach that impossible perspective to see the picture be to blame?
What if IBM were to arrange atoms in a pattern to depict Mohammed?
What if an image of Mohammed were created, stored in some form of digital medium, and then the original image destroyed? If the digital storage were never accessed again, would the image still be considered a depiction?
What if someone were to produce a picture of Mohammed using lemon juice on paper that only appears when exposed to a flame’s heat? Would the artist or the person holding the match be to blame for the depiction of Mohammed?
Jesus and the Virgin Mary are always showing up on grilled cheese sandwiches, inkstains, concrete stains, wax blobs, and other objects. If Mohammed appears on those various objects, do they have to be destroyed before GoldenPalace.com buys them?
A Look Into Their “Reality-Based” World
The moonbats seem to hold a number of things as unquestioned faith to keep their world view. One of the odder beliefs is that anyone who doesn’t think Bush is the second coming of Hitler must worship him unquestionably. Maybe it’s projections, because, back during the Clinton presidency there were those who would never let even the slightest criticism against him stand. But, with Bush, conservatives (especially on blogs) have been critical of Bush since day one, and such criticism continues constantly. Other than those paid political consultants, I don’t know of any pundits who hasn’t disagreed with Bush on certain issues. Funny, the only people who ever seem to have met these “BushBots” who worship the ground Bush walks on our lefty moonbats. I guess the BushBots, like about everything else involved with their ideology, are just products of their own imaginations.
Homeland Security Instructional Video: You Hear a Strange Noise
A while ago, I was sent a video illustration of part of my famous explanation of the Homeland Security Advisory System. Problem is, I can’t find the old post where I linked to it and I forget who did it (it’s in my e-mails at home somewhere).
Anyway, I’ll add that information in later since I’ve been sitting on this for too long. Here’s an instructional video on how to react to a strange noise in the house based on the Homeland Security’s current alert level.
UPDATE: It’s made by Eric Anderson and the video link now actually works.
It’s Time to Face Facts: The War Against Bush Is Unwinnable
An Editorial by Frank J.
The Democrats and progressives have been waging a war on Bush for years now. It started out for admirable reasons – getting Bush out of power using any means possible – but now it has become obvious that this can no longer be accomplished. Instead, the only ones losing power are Democrats. This war has to end.
How many Democrats have lost office in this fight against Bush? While people seem to care about the death counts in Iraq, no one takes note as the number of Democrats who have lost office increases. Not only that, but there is the Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder from losing against Bush. It is obvious that Al Gore will never be able to live a normal life again and will require constant supervision for the rest of his days. Just check the internet for more instances of people having lost their minds trying to fight against the ethereal foe that is the Bush Presidency. And, to what end is this?
Some will still argue that progress is being made, pointing to Bush’s low approval ratings. “Sure,” they say, “we weren’t able to get rid of him in 2004, but soon enough people will turn against him to impeach him!” This is pure idealism that ignores the attitudes of those we are trying to free from the tyranny of Bush. We thought the American people would welcome us as liberators when we kept up our full out attacks on Bush, but they are obviously more concerned with terrorists than Bush and have turned against us Bush-attackers. It’s sad, but it is true.
So, do we give up and let Bush win? I’m afraid to say he already has won. Perhaps one day we could make people fear Bush more than terrorists, but, if we keep up in this way, there will be no Democrats left in office by the time that happens. We have to admit to ourselves that we attacked Bush without any real strategy for victory, and now it is time to pullout of this conflict. Instead, we must try and get Democrats back in power by focusing on our core issues: piddling-crap things such as healthcare and other free-handouts.
The war against Bush is just not worth another Democratic politician.
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us and is a frequent contributor to IMAOPodcast.com. He is also the author of such books as “The Population Bomb: A Brief History of the Palestinians” and “Insane or Stupid? A Guide to Judging Moonbats”.
The Hunting Song, revisited
Remember Tom Lehrer’s Hunting Song?
Well, let’s have some fun with it, shall we?
I hope he doesn’t hurt us,
Dick Cheney hunting in Corpus,
He went out to hunt some quail
How could Dick possibly fail?
He went and shot the maximum that Texas law allows:
No, not quail, or reporters – but a lawyer.
He just wanted to go have fun,
So he took his trusty shotgun
And went out to stalk his prey.
What a haul he made that day!
He tied him to his fender, and got to the hospital somehow:
No, not quail, or reporters – but a lawyer.
The coverage was vicious,
The networks most seditious
The worst accusations ever endured.
Since Scooter talked to Novak
The press just wants to attack
Is that why Dick’s vision is blurred?
People ask him why he shot him
And he says “I knew i got him
When he held out a cashier’s check
I just fired at his neck.” (BLAM)
And there’s ten satellite trucks by the hospital right now
No, not quail, or reporters – but a right-wing, Austin lawyer.
Sweet Dreams Are Made of These…
For those who caught the Winter Olympics opening ceremony on Friday, why were the stadium speakers stuck on a bad 80’s hits station when the countries were marching in? I’m sorry, but “Video Killed the Radio Star” and “YMCA” do not get me pumped for athletic competition.
Then again, neither does skiing or skating.
It’s the IMAO Podcast… Yee-haw!
The newest Podcast is finally up! Look at all the exciting stuff that’s in the podcast this week!
In Frank J.’s World of Knowledge, he gives you a close and personal interview with Mama Moonbat, Cindy Sheehan, whose accent and voice remarkably morph throughout the interview!
SarahK (that’s me) reviews Underworld Evolution and also sings!
Harvey has Fun Facts about Maryland!
Exclusive preview for tonight’s 24!
Everyone rants about wacky moonbats or Muslims or both!
The Crappy Bedtime Story returns!
and much much more! Hooray! So go download it now, and comment on it here!
The Agony Of Zorro
Okay, so my wife wanted a few things for Valentine’s Day, one of which was the sequel to the Zorro movie on DVD. I hit Best Buy last week with a bunch of Reward Zone coupons and the content feeling that I was getting my shopping done early.
Then it was time to wrap everything… and I check the back of the movie… it’s the same plot as the first movie?
Wait… I have The Mask Of Zorro, not The Legend Of Zorro.
Just try to guess who is hitting Best Buy again tonight.
I am such a moron.
Hunting the Deadliest Prey of All: Man!
As you all probably know by now (I found out from IMAO, myself) that Cheney shot some guy hunting. Apparently, the guy was in the line of sight between Cheney and his target, but, since Cheney was shooting at quail in the air, I’m not exactly sure how that happened.
You know the moonbats are going to freak out over this.
“Bush and his cronies can now shoot people with impunity!”
“Now we all know what we always suspected: Cheney releases dissidents to run in a field and then hunts them!”
What Cheney was using, though, was a 28-gauge shotgun. I don’t know very much about shotguns, but I have a 12-guage for home defense and, the larger the gauge, the weaker the shotgun. Do people get hit with pellets from 28-gauge shotguns all the time?
“Ow! Dude, you totally shot me… and almost broke skin!”
The Brady Bunch have already made comments:
“Now I understand why Dick Cheney keeps asking me to go hunting with him,” said Jim Brady. “I had a friend once who accidentally shot pellets into his dog – and I thought he was an idiot.”
“I’ve thought Cheney was scary for a long time,” Sarah Brady said. “Now I know I was right to be nervous.”
That reminds me: Michael Z. Williamson sent me this, but I forgot to post it when it was more relevant:
6 Feb, 1942.
I celebrate her birthday every year by buying a gun. If she wishes me to stop buying guns, she has only to stop having birthdays.
All are encouraged to join me.
Or else send her a pack of smokes to hurry that lung cancer along. I believe she smokes Marlboros.