You make the call!

Hamshahri, Iran’s bestselling newspaper, has launched a competition to find the best cartoon about the Holocaust in retaliation for the publication of caricatures of the Prophet Mohammed. Which one of our creations do you think we should submit?
[NOTE: links for context are found at the bottom of this post.]
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Pick the cartoon Ayatollah Ali Khamenei will go gah-gah for?
Younger sister
Over the hill
Mo-mo
Brokeback Allah
Bulldozer
Remote trigger
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com


Iranian paper holds Holocaust cartoon contest. Visit here for the Arab European League’s original, and here for background via Wikipedia.

Check out these photos from my recent trip to Atlanta . . .

. . . to honor the life of Coretta Scott King.
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SOTU-safe T-shirt

(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)
During Bush’s State of the Union Address, Gold-Star Mother and crazed anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan was kicked out of the event for wearing a T-shirt that said “2245 Dead — How Many More?”.
Meanwhile, Beverly Young – wife of Congressman C.W. Bill Young, (R-Florida) – was given the boot for wearing a T-shirt that said “Support the Troops Defending Our Freedom.”
Let’s see, can’t oppose the war… can’t support the war… surely there’s SOME t-shirt that’s non-controversial enough to not get you kicked out of the SOTU address…
Maybe this Fun Cat Trivia T-shirt…


  • Cats have 18 toes – 5 on each front paw, 4 on each back. If your cat has 19 toes, that means it’s male and you’re an idiot.
  • White cats with blue eyes are deaf. White cats with one blue eye are deaf in one ear. White cats with glowing red eyes are witches. Drown them in holy water.
  • A cat’s normal body temperature is 102° F. unless it’s trapped under a pile of burning books, in which case it’s 451° F
  • Cats have no eyelashes, so don’t be suckered into buying Maybelline’s “Catscara”.
  • Cats are colorblind and thus oppose Affirmative Action quotas.
  • A cat can jump 7 times as high as it is tall, which impresses everyone except Chuck Norris.
  • Cats can survive falls from great heights because their paw pads are made from the same material as Roger Rabbit‘s head.
  • An adult cat blinks an average of three times per minute – about the same rate that Ted Kennedy drinks.
  • Some common household objects are fatal to cats, like Tylenol, philodendron plants, anti-freeze, and bullets.
  • Cats have A, B, and O blood types, just like people, which makes them good bait for vampire traps.
  • Cats don’t think of themselves as little people, they think of people as large cats. Therefore, in order to establish your dominance over them, you should pee on your cat’s head every so often.
  • A cat’s fur has a thick undercoat which causes it to make the same sound as a baby harp seal when you club it.
  • To a cat, litter-box-filler appears to have the same texture as Rice Krispies. Protect your breakfast accordingly.
  • The average cat has 40 whiskers, or 10 more than Frank J.
  • Catnip has the same effect on cats as marijuana does on human beings. The feline equivlent of Pink Floyd and Twinkies is still, as yet, unknown.

Of course, if you’re LOOKING to get booted from the SOTU, try:
“A Danish newspaper published my Muhammed cartoon and all I got was this lousy fatwa.”

Can I host the Oscars now?

Spacemonkey, Sandmonkey… Sandmonkey, Spacemonkey.

Go ‘Stache Strength!

John Bolton has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. Whether he’ll go berzerk and kill everyone in attendance if he wins is unknown but certainly hoped for.

Who is Jimmy Carter? An IMAO Educational Moment

At yesterday’s funeral for Coretta Scott King, we witnessed what Democrats do best: Bash Bush at every opportunity. Although some felt this was inappropriate for a funeral, many were grateful that they didn’t use her casket as a podium.
What surprised me was that Jimmy Carter was the first to kick off the Bush Bash. Now, you might ask yourself, “Self, who the hell is this nut bag?”
Well, hold on to your history books, it’s time to take a short look at…

The Top Accomplishments of Jimmy Carter

Former President Carter had the honor of having a loser, embarrassing brother; A proud tradition he carried over from President John F. Kennedy. (Teddy, I’m looking at you.)
In a tight economy, the Carter administration worked with the Iranians to have them care for American citizens for 444 days. This saved American businesses thousands of dollars.
Unfortunately, this ‘savings’ came to an end when that Bastard Ronald Reagan decides that these visitors needed ‘freedom.’
President Carter was once a member of the Bee Gees. Years later, he would be surprised to discover that they were men.
Jimmy Carter travels the world ensuring that elections are carried out fairly and offering certification of election results.
Some elections have even been certified AFTER the voting was completed.
In the 70’s, Jimmy shocked the nation when he admitted to having impure thoughts.: about the Bee Gees.
Although mislabeled as a gas shortage, it was indeed good for the environment. Plus those long lines were a great way to get to know your neighbors.
Waiting in line to gain absolutely nothing turned out to become an important selling point for the DNC .
Under President Carter, the military had few successful campaigns, but many successful bake sales. This allowed the army to buy more green things such as trucks, uniforms, and food.
Mr. Carter has been very active in working with Habitat for Humanity. An organization that creates housing for people who otherwise would have no hope of owning a home. Many times, he even pitches in to help build. This is a very odd sight: It’s one of the few times you’ll ever see a Democrat hit a nail right on the head.
**
I hope this educational primer entertained and informed. If not — Blame Bush.
We at IMAO pride ourselves on our ability to educate and enlighten. So the next time you see Jimmy Carter you can say, “Hey, I know who you are – I LOVED the Bee Gees!”

In My World: But How Would Mohammed Handle King Kong?

“Coretta Scott King’s funeral was not the appropriate venue to punch Jimmy Carter in the groin,” Laura Bush chided the President.
“Well, I’m just getting confused at what’s appropriate and what isn’t appropriate at a funeral these days,” Bush complained as he entered his office.
“I’m going to bake some cookies,” Laura said as she left.
Senator Leahy then entered the office. “You wanted to meet with me about your illegal wiretaps?”
“First off, I don’t think they were illegal,” Bush answered, “but I understand why some people might have concerns about the program. That said, I think it’s a little political opportunistic to try and compare spying on terrorists to Nixon’s wiretaps and the wiretapping of Martin Luther King.”
“We’re just letting the American people…”
Leahy was cut off when Bush punched him the gut. “I’m talking now. In my opinion – and in the opinion of many others – the most disturbing thing about this whole affair is that someone leaked information about a program involved with national security. That’s treason.” Bush then pulled out his peacemaker, cocked it, and placed it against Leahy’s head. “You were identified as the leaker, so now I need to execute you by gunshot to the head to set an example to others!”
Leahy just stammered incoherently out of fear, but then the phone rang.
“What a minute while I answer this,” Bush told Leahy. “What? …Oh, not Leahy? …Well, tell me when you find out who.” Bush hung up the phone. He then decocked his revolver and put it away. “Ends up it wasn’t you, so I won’t kill you… for now. You can leave now… and change your pants.”
Leahy shuffled out of the office, and Bush sat at his desk. “Man, being President is hard,” Bush muttered to himself. “Everyone is always yelling at me and trying to undermine me; I should find another job.” Bush spotted a pad of paper and a pencil on his desk. “I know! I like cartoons, so I’ll be a cartoonist!” Bush thought for a moment and then sketched away. Soon he had a drawing of Mohammed flying a fighter jet that was shooting at Godzilla. “Wow, this has so many layers of political commentary, it’s mind-boggling!” Bush exclaimed as he marveled at his own work. “I better fax this to all the newspapers right now!”


Laura entered the Oval Office carrying a tray. “I have cookies!”
“Give me! I’m a good President!” Bush yelled as he ran for the cookies.
“What have you been up to today?”
“I drew a political cartoon and some newspapers published it,” Bush said between mouthfuls of cookies.
“About what?”
“Uh… I forget. I think it had Mohammed in it.”
Laura dropped the tray. “Didn’t you hear about what happened with the Danish cartoons about Mohammed?”
“No; I never even heard of the country Daneland.”
Laura looked out the window to see a large group of angry Muslim extremists outside the White House gates holding signs saying things like “Death to Blasphemers of Mohammed,” “Those Who Portray Islam as Violent Shall Meet Violent Deaths,” and “No, We Don’t Know What ‘Irony’ Means.”
“Great,” Laura groaned, “you’re going to get the White House burned down for the first time since the War of 1812!”
“That reminds me,” Bush said angrily, “We still need to get the Canadians back for that one.” Bush then spotted Alberto Gonzales walking by wearing his usual poncho and Sombrero of Authority. “Hey! Gonzo! Come here!”
“What?”
“You’re the Attorney General; you have to help us take care of these crazy Muslims.”
“Fine. Whatever.”
Laura and Bush followed Alberto outside. Alberto then went to the front gate, opened it, grabbed a crazy Muslim, pulled a piñata bat out from under his poncho, and started beating the Muslim silly. “Stop being stupid, stupid!”
A reporter came up to Alberto. “Are you torturing a Muslim?”
“I’m beating a Muslim, you stupid gringo,” Alberto answered. “You reporters need to learn the difference between torture and beatings one of these days.” Alberto then started hitting the reporter with his piñata bat. “Maybe you learn now!”
“Gonzales and his piñata bat just aren’t going to solve this problem,” Laura told Bush. “You need to go on TV and set things straight.”
“Can it be the Daily Show?”
“No!”


“I’m Tim Russert, and this is Meet the Press.”
“You’re named after a potato!” Bush exclaimed.
“Uh, not actually… anyway, our guest today is President Bush here to explain his cartoon about Mohammed.”
“I don’t see why there is outrage,” Bush stated. “If you look at the life of Mohammed, I think it’s accurate to say that, if Godzilla attacked a city, Mohammed would get in a F-16 and fight the monster.”
“But, President Bush,” Russert said, “that isn’t the issue so much as that many Muslims find any depiction of Mohammed to be disrespectful of their religion.”
“Well, I can’t keep track of everyone’s crazy beliefs! I mean, just look at the leftards on the internet; if I tried to keep track of all the crazy things they believe, I’d end up as crazy as they are.” Bush then looked straight into the camera. “Still, to all the non-violent Muslims who were offended by this cartoon, I’d just like to say… in your face! I made fun of your prophet! And what are you going to do about it? Nothing! That’s what! Go write some letter to the editor and see if I care!
“But, to the violent Muslims out there who want to kill me for my cartoon, I offer my deepest apologies. It was a total accident; my pen slipped, and suddenly there was a drawing of Mohammed. It happens sometimes. I hope you’ll forgive me and not burn down the White House.”
“In response,” Russert said, “we have a Muslim extremist – coincidentally named Mohammed – to give us his views. Mohammed?”
The Muslim extremist fired an AK-47 in the air. “Kill Bush! Kill infidels!”
“On to plan B,” Bush said as he pulled out a super-soaker and sprayed the Muslim. The Muslim screamed in pain and then melted into a puddle of goo. “So that’s why they don’t like bacon grease,” Bush remarked, “it melts them and sends them straight to hell!” Bush then turned back to the camera. “All you Muslims out there being violent, I will spray you with bacon grease! I will! I want America to be known as the country with the nicest Muslims, so all you behave this instant!” Bush then pumped his super-soaker a couple time to emphasize his point.
“Do you have any other message for the American people?” Russert asked.
Bush thought for a moment and then looked up to the camera. “Ted Kennedy’s head is huge! I mean, you can see it’s big on TV, but it’s even bigger in person! You really have to see it for yourself. I hope that once his liver gives out, they’ll preserve his head in one of those Ripley’s Believe It or Not museums.”
Russert just stared at Bush for a second. “Uh… anything else?”
Bush leaned back in his chair. “No… I think that covers everything.”

Q&A on Abu Hamsa Al-Masri

Q: Why was Abu Hamsa Al-Masri given seven years in prison for inciting violence against Jews?

Continue reading ‘Q&A on Abu Hamsa Al-Masri’ »

New Releases

THE GOOD NEWS: There will be a new Curious George book out soon.

Continue reading ‘New Releases’ »

You Might Be a Leftard If…

…you can’t understand how Kennedy and Johnson wiretapping Martin Luther King and Nixon wiretapping his political enemies are any different from Bush wiretapping terrorists.
…you’re perplexed why anyone would consider using a corspe as a soapbox “ghoulish.”
Come on; don’t be shy. Add your own in the comments. Let’s get a big list going.
Why do I always have to do all the work…