“George Bush Doesn’t Care About Black Puppets”

Funniest two hours ever (I mean other than reading this blog for two hours).

Instapundit Issues Fatwa

(A Filthy Lie)
stuffed puppy.jpg
After this controversial picture of a young girl holding a stuffed puppy appeared on the CENTCOM web site, the leader of the Instapundslam religion, Imam Glenn al-Reynolds, issued a fatwa condeming the image:
“The central tenet of Instapundslam is that puppies should be blended to make potent energy drinks for the blogging faithful. It is blasphemy of the highest order to depict them in any form that is either adorable or unblended. This cuddly manifestation of our sacred power source is an affront to our beliefs. We demand an apology and the immediate pureeing of this unholy fluff-filled icon. Hmmm. Heh. Jihad. Indeed.”

Imam Glenn al-Reynolds
The heart-warming image of the loveable tot and her cherished toy has provoked uncontrolled rioting and robot-dancing world-wide by outraged Instapundslamists.
Blogger Michelle Malkin denounced the fatwa as “the fevered rantings of a power-hungry, Satan-worshipping, hobo-murdering madman”, and encouraged bloggers everywhere to protest al-Reynolds’ pronouncement by posting pictures of themselves snuggling with stuffed animals and sending a trackback to her site.
“Honestly,” said Malkin, taking a bite of a brownie made from minced kittens, “what kind of wacky religion would drink blended puppies?”

The Carnival of Comedy is now UP!!!

The Carnival of Comedy is now up and ready for your enjoyment.
Please visit RightWingDuck website to read amazing works of comedy genious – and to read the Carnival of Comedy.

So What Happened To The Carnival OF Comedy This Week??

I know some of you may be wondering what happened to the Carnival of Comedy this week.
But if you are, you aren’t saying much about it.
Reasons for no carnival this week:
A No host.
B. I am, frankly, too lazy/tired and well, GOOD to post it myself.
Sooo Entries for this week will rollover (just like your cell phone minutes!) and will be in next week’s carnival of comedy which has a host..
Yay! For those of you who don’t like the carnival that’s TWO posts about it you didn’t have to scroll past. And one which had good (to you) news about it.
In recap, I am sorry for there being no carnival this week.
We now return you to the regularly scheduled IMAO wingnuttery.
Update:: Unsuspecting schmuck, er, DUCK found to host.

Who Would Jesus Abort?

Okay, what’s a progressive Christian? Someone who says, “Well, Jesus did have some useful view being that He’s the Son of God, but it’s time to move on to a more complex way of looking at morality than His constrained teachings.”
And no one is twisted more in knots than a Christian trying to argue that abortion is a moral choice. Either, with no Biblical backing (actually, against Biblical teaching) the person has to argue that a person doesn’t get a soul until birth (I once heard someone Jewish argue that “ensoulment” doesn’t occur until the ears have passed into this world), or that it’s okay to kill innocent people with a soul. I assume most pro-abortion Christians approach the issue by just not thinking about it, though.
And can you imagine Jesus telling someone he was better off not being born?

Levee MADNESS!

I’ve been hearing on the news that BUSH KNEW ABOUT THE LEVEES! This supports the theory that Bush plotted to blow up the levees since ONE MUST KNOW ABOUT SOMETHING TO PLOT TO DESTROY IT! Be wary if you are near any other structure Bush know about because HE MAY PLOT TO DESTROY THAT TOO! More information AS IT DEVELOPS!

Continue reading ‘Levee MADNESS!’ »

Potential Presidents: Condoleezza Rice

Polls show now that many Republicans are well positioned for 2008, and, as we all know, polls over two years before an election are a great indicator of how those elections will turn out.
Still, I think it should be the job of IMAO and its bloggers to get as much information as possible on who may run. Today, I’m going to take a brief look at Condoleezza Rice who keeps saying she won’t run.
One problem with Condi is that, apparently, no one listens to her, as everyone keeps talking about her as a Presidential candidate. Her advantages are that she has experience at a national level and doesn’t have any voting record to criticize. Also, she is able to use her mind to move small objects.
There would be a lot of controversy if she runs for President, though. For one thing, she is a race of some sort. Is America really ready to elect someone who belongs to a race? Also, she’s a woman. Is America ready to elect a woman when, throughout history, it has been known that women are useless at everything?
And, what about her past? She once killed a man in self-defense, but some have said that killing was suspect since the man was found tied to a chair with three bullets in the back of his head. Is that something the Democrats will try to make an issue of?
And what about the anger issue? As we all know, women are moody. Also, Condi is known to totally freak-out if anyone forgets the second ‘z’ when spelling her first name. She once tossed a kindergartener across a classroom for that offense.
Still, Condoleezza Rice could make an interesting candidate. I’ll have more information as I get it; just remember to stay tuned to IMAO, your 2008 Presidential Campaign headquarters.

While She’s Distracted by the Figure Skating, I’ll See If I Can Strangle Myself with My Cat’s Tail

I just found out I’m supposed to watch the Winter Olympics with SarahK! That was never metnioned before I married her, man! That was not part of the deal! THAT WAS NOT PART OF THE DEAL!

PSA

The final four episodes of Arrested Development will be shown tonight on FOX. The memorial service will immediately follow and end upon Arrested Development’s blessed ressurection on Showtime.

Podfading

Apparently, there’s a phenomenon called podfading going around:

The phenomenon has earned its own label, “podfading,” coined by podcaster Scott Fletcher in February 2005 when he gave up on two podcasts of his own.
“I liken it to losing interest in a hobby and then coming up with the reasons you don’t have time anymore,” said Fletcher, a Peoria, Illinois, computer-program analyst who has since returned to the scene with his monthly Podcheck, a discussion of podcasting news.
Podfaders’ motives vary wildly, from those discouraged by their lack of listenership to, in the Ozawas’ case, a success that overwhelmed them.

Thank goodness we don’t have that problem. Right, guys?
Um… guys?

New Idea!

Hey, why don’t we all start a religion where Billy from Family Circus is our main prophet, and then we’ll totally riot and burn things when he’s portrayed in a comic. Who’s in?

No Senator Sheehan

Aww, schucks. Cindy ain’t running for Senate.
Look at this quote, though:

“I, as an American and as the mother of a hero, pledge to do what I can as a citizen to end the occupation of Iraq.”

Hero? I thought your son killed “freedom fighters” in an “illegal war.” If she already has the waffling down, why not go for broke and be a Senator?

Friday Catblogging

Since it’s Friday, I thought I’d spread the joy of humor-free, apolitical Friday Catblogging to IMAO (aka “I-MEOW”).
Today, it’s Nardo the Stripey:


If you’re not sure how this absurd scene pertains to IMAO, since IMAO is famous for that “political humor” thing, it doesn’t. If you must have some semblance of politics or humor in everything you read here, just assume that Nardo is… um…
Help me out here. Make your suggestions in the comments how this scene is, in fact, a political allegory.
(For more animal goodness, try Friday Ark today and Carnival of the Cats will be this upcoming Sunday, so send your catblogging links to submissions @ carnivalofthecats.com.)

Speared with the truth

Britney Spears was for driving with a baby in her lap before she was against it.
Thank goodness she’s finally realizing her mistake. You know, before word gets out that she’s a freaking moron, a lousy reckless mother, an egomaniacal celebrity bitch, and so on and so forth.
As a public service, here are the top ten places your baby shouldn’t be while you’re driving:
10. The trunk
9. Hanging out the window like a puppydog
8. The gastank (That’s where tigers go, according to Exxon)
7. Stuck to a window with suction cups like Garfield
6. The glove compartment
5. In your mouth
4. Under the hood, holding the alternator together (That’s what duct tape is for)
3. Dangling from your rear-view mirror
2. Jammed in the well of the fold-away rear seats in one of them sporty SUV cargo beds.
1.The ashtray (Unless your baby is dead and you had it cremated)