So Obama had a huge win in North Carolina while Hillary had a tiny win in Indiana. It’s looking pretty bad for Hillary, but there are still some scenarios that could lead to the superdelegates giving her the nomination:
* Video emerges showing that Obama was not only present during a vile Jeremiah Wright rant, he was in the front row shouting, “Kill whitey!” (that’s the Trinity church’s version of “Amen”).
* Obama, not realizing the mike is on, tells an aide how he really is secretly a Muslim and is only becoming president so he can nuke America with its own weapons to allow the jihadis to win.
* It’s found out that Obama sent Ayers a check for a large sum of money with the “For” line filled out with “More bombs.”
* He’s hit by a bus.
If I know Hillary, she’s already working on making at least one of those happen.
Obama could also commit suicide in Fort Marcy Park (though that might look a bit obvious).
Hillary will never surrender. At least not before she destroys the party. This would be the bestest election ever if we had nominated Fred.
I would guess a video will show up on the internet with Obama saying, “I’m so depressed and out of hope. I need my religion and a gun. —Sigh— And I really can’t stand change. My first law will be to freeze all variables – math classes will forever be barred from going anywhere near Algebra.”
I believe after serious observation of the Messia’s followers that should he do all of the above, he would still:
obtain 91% of the black vote
get 79% of the liberal democrat vote (the other 21% would vote McCain
Get McCain’s personal vote (in order to prove he’s still a maverick)
Lose Hillary’s, Bill’s, and about 100 dead voters (think of all those Arkacide credentials laying around)
Continue to walk on water -the Red sea(what else?)
More trouble spots for Obama:
– Video emerges on YouTube of Obama and several furry woodland creatures, in which he is shown remaining fully clothed while not having relations with them; liberals outrages at his self-righteous hypocrisy
– Under intense press scrutiny on The View, Michelle admits that she and Obama have been faithful; liberals outrages at her self-righteous hypocrisy
– Campaign chairman admits to having both a bank account and full time job at the same time; liberals outraged at his self-righteous hypocrisy
– Obama says he will nominate judges who have been to law school and passed bar exam; liberals outraged at his narrow-minded hypocrisy
– Obama slips up at press conference, admits white people are “not really evil”; liberals outraged at his neocon hypocrisy
Hillary Clinton will quit ONLY after being punched, tased, given two shots of sodium pentothal, gagged, handcuffed and put in a straitjacket and forcibly hauled off the podium in Denver!
Not teh funny but
– Tony Rezko sells Obama out for a reduced sentence. His defence chose not to call a single witness after the prosecution rested. Tony may be displaying hubris or (it being Chicago) he may have fixed the jury, but the most likely scenario is Tony is about to sing like a canary.
Hey # 6 sounds like Friday night at the Clinton household. Except Hillary isin’t there, Bill got him another live one.
Both Barack and Michelle admit that Michelle is a Class-A cannibal with traces of chimpanzee, baboon and canine DNA in her system. (I know, that wasn’t nice, but she gives me the creeps and reminds me of some bizarre canabilistic ape-dog. There’s somethin’ wrong with her.)
I heard that Hillary was on the verge of releasing a tape of Obama hanging out on 8-mile, dressed in full gangsta attire, drinking a forty, smoking crack, and waving a nine until her staff found out that this would give him 95% of the Democratic vote.
Suggestion to Hillary: you need your own scandal to out-liberalize Obama. Self-loathing white liberals love black people that hate white people. You have to go over the top. Film yourself burning bibles, smoking pot, attending prayer at a mosque and having a (ahem) “hot night” with Rosie O’Dumbell. At the very least, that will put you neck and neck with Obama in liberal standings.
Sodium pentathol and a Clinton? I’m pretty sure the pentathol would auto-combust, maybe giving off a little squeal of existential despair.
If she divorced Bill before election day she’d have my vote. If she dumped him before the convention, I’d campaign for her. If she ratted him out to the feds and he was arrested, tried and convicted of being a paid agent of a foreign power (pick one) I’d die a happy man (and then I wouldn’t have to campaign or vote for her – everybody wins!).