President Bush asked for $100 billion to fund the war until September. The Democrats are sending him a bill that authorizes over $180 billion.
What’s the extra money for?:
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- Upgrading the military to the latest in Left-handed bolt-action rifles.
- Re-re-rehab for The Ted.
- AIDS research. Specifically to discover a strain that won’t bypass Reverend Wright like that shoddy original design.
- Eliminate wasteful porkbarrel projects and replace them with earmarks and boondoggles, so as not to offend Muslims.
- Glitter pens for closet girly-girl Nancy Pelosi.
- Educational grants to ensure that America’s new government-run health care system has a sufficient supply of bureaucrats who be able meet the system’s tough standards for incompetence and surliness.
- Another 100 cases of Magic-8 Balls for Harry Reid who has developed a no-longer-plausibly deniable addiction to the mysterious blue fluid inside.
- Changing the appearance of US Currency once again with the security feature you knew this color scheme was leading to – a Rich Uncle Pennybags hologram.
- A new anti-smoking media blitz (for the children).
- A new subsidy for tobacco farmers (for the adults).
Actually, I’m endorsing this bill because it also contains $900 million for Peter Jackson to re-make Star Wars Episodes I through III without George Lucas or Jar-Jar.
How about subsidized therapy for those Americans who can no longer listen to Hillary’s voice without whimpering?
80 billion to fund the new Congressional retirement fund and legal defense program. For the children.
I hope Herr Reid enjoys the magic 8 balls. They’re the only balls he’ll ever have.
Jimmy, I’ve always wondered how we justify having these offshore imperialist colonies like Guam, Hawaii, and islands in Puget Sound.
Free the oppressed, maaan.
Funny, Socrates, my son proved to me once that the Constitution does not explicitly prohibit succession. So, here’s to the independent nation of Puget Soundia – but that 90.5 million needs to be terminated first. Now, many out here want to have a larger country called “Cascadia” which would extend from British Columbia down to Oregon. But I say that’s too big. I’d settle for an island nation empire. And you’re welcome any time, Socrates.
Umm Jimmy …. can I be your Director of Alcohol, Tobbaco, Firearms, Narcotics, and Adult Entertainment?
Indeed, you would be Terrible at that, Troy, providing you provide plenty of Alcohol, Tobbaco and Firearms and Entertainment (not sure about the Narcotics). Many other positions are vacant also at this time. Please send applications w/processing fee of 2,500 Sounders to 555 My Drive, Mytown, Puget Soundia 1!1!1-111! (Ron Paul!)
Oh, so thats the kinda govt its gonna be huh? For a small processing fee…. MY KINDA PLACE! Now in regards to earlier proposal, I assure you sir I have LOTS of experience and would be a very effective .. uh…administrator… If I can tbe the administrator … can I be in charge of quality control?
I am grateful to you, Harvey, for browsing Wikipedia so that I don’t have to.
Volunteer sterilization for Left wing liberal whackos who are all about over population.
Rubber rooms for the Beserkly police department and their frequent jailbirds Code Pink
Research money for alternative energy using the carbon dioxide expelled inside the Capital. Maybe there will be enough to run DC for several eons.
Quality control? Ah yes, Terrible. It needs work. Especially on all the copper tubing, carboys, jugs, grain and such. Black powder knowledge is also a plus as are Southern and Caribbean connections for genus Nicotiana. Only the finest kind allowed in Nicotiana… I mean Puget Soundia. We have standards. (Excuse me… Honey, will you make the next one a double and see if you can find my pipe? I’m tryin’ to watch a movie here while I clean my 12 gauge before we go fishing later. Are the clams done?)
Will Peter Jackson also be re-writing Star Wars III so that Anikin’s actual cross over the Dark Side seems believable?
If so, then I also support the bill.
You mean “secession”.
Probably an option with increasingly broad appeal after the first 100 days of an o’bummer presidency.
Even though I wear my watch on my right wrist, I have yet to feel hot brass on my left eye.
Why? MY RIGHT EYE IE ON THE SIGHT!
Why is it so hard for Obama to understand that the word for “left” in Latin is “SINISTER”?
Let’s spend a few billion to finance a study for the possibility of a cure for cranial-rectal inversion syndrome, a common malignant affliction of career politicians.
5 of 7 – have you heard of the latest treatment for dead bodies? Dissolve their bodies in LYE and flush them away. That’d work, too, wouldn’t it? How many millions do you need? Bypass the study; we need to get started.
Hey, SW3 was GOOD. SW1 needed work and SW2 was a disaster, but Lucas can keep SW3.
Now, about those Ewoks in SW6…
Lye is bad for the environment. We’d have to take out the EPA, the Sierra club and WE first. (Hmmm…) Organic decomposition takes longer but it makes a cool graphic if you film it in time lapse format. Then there’s the whole Soylent Green option to consider. Where’s your rack of Hillary with mint jelly recipe?