If Only

From Judicial Watch (emphasis mine):

On the heels of a scathing report exposing incessant waste in President Obama’s scandal-plagued economic stimulus, a news agency reveals that nearly $1 million in recovery funds have gone to a genitalia-washing program for uncircumcised African men.

If this seems like an inconceivable prank, just take a look at the public university study that received $823,200 in stimulus cash to encourage Africans to undergo voluntary HIV testing and counseling. Specifically, the taxpayer dollars will be used to teach uncircumcised African men how to wash their genitals after having sex.

Which, of course, begs the question: Did Barack’s Kenya-dad wash up after nailing the Obama-mom?

It also promotes the pondering: Don’t you wish Kenya-dad had washed up INSTEAD of nailing the Obama-mom on that fateful night in December of 1960?

Random Thoughts

So was it because of Bill Clinton the tradition was started of each president getting a new Oval Office rug?

All the Justices who couldn’t find an individual right to gun ownership in the Constitution really have no place in the Supreme Court.

The conduct of the two GOP candidates in Delaware has been very upsetting. As a result, I will back whoever doesn’t win.

I think funniest result of the Delaware race would be Castle getting nominated and then getting crushed by Coons.

So did anyone do the “Dinner’s on me” joke about Lady Gaga’s meat dress, because that seems mandatory.

So is Mark Levin starting to go all Debbie Schlussel?

The left doesn’t have a monopoly on argument styles that immediately turn off large swaths of people.

I should say, since being a Senator just involves voting right and looking pretty, I’m sure O’Donnell will do an okay job.

This really seems like a lot of conflict over a job I seriously could teach a dog to do most of.

So while O’Donnell could be a nut, you can’t say she’s too inexperienced to be a Senator. There’s no such thing. For pete’s sake, Obama almost did that job.

I don’t get angry sounding singers. You’re making tons of money doing what’s a hobby for most people. Be happier.

So has enough results come in yet for conservatives to know exactly in what way they’re screwed in Delaware?

For a couple days now, I’ve been trying to think of some pun off of like “hyper-aware” and “Delaware”, but can’t put it together.

I’ll try anyway: “The GOP isn’t only aware of conservative anger, it’s DELaware.”

You want to be as awesome as me, but you can’t. So focus on something obtainable, like being king of France.

Well, Al Franken won a Senate seat. Don’t see why O’Donnell can’t.

So who is this Coons? His name makes me uneasy.

Frankly, I’d prefer a crazy conservative over a rational RINO, but the general election is a bit of a hurdle.

So what’s with the NRSC announcement? Didn’t think enough people were hating them hard enough?

O’Donnell may be a nut with little chance of winning, but the NRSC is being a bunch of babies.

Everyone other than me is a stupid extremist and should shut up.

It’s Like Charles Johnson Running a Country

Obama is said to be much more popular in foreign countries than the previous president, and I guess a part of that is if you ever insult him, he will ban you from ever visiting America. I guess one of the perks of being the U.S. President is being able to boss around people from other countries, but it still seems a little harsh. Still, this policy makes sure that in America you won’t run into people who constantly insult the president — other than most Americans, of course.

Obstacle to Good Government: Cows

Represenative Bob Etheridge has a new excuse not to answer questions from people. Last time his excuse was that he’s a violent weirdo who doesn’t like questions, but this time it’s because of cows. Etheridge left an event where he was answering questions an hour early because he got word his cows had gotten out, and apparently that needed his direct supervision. Who knows what happens with his cows if they get out while he’s in DC; I guess they just wreak havoc on the countryside unabated until Etheridge can finally come home and grab them and put them in headlocks and demand to know who they are — which they never answer being that they are cows.

I wonder if this is something we can use against Democrats if they try anything during a lame duck session.

“Now, let’s pass Cap & Trade and amnesty and– I just got a text… Oh no! Please no! The cows have gotten out! I. MUST. STOP. THEM!”

DISCLAIMER: I’ve done some work for the Renee Ellmers campaign and support all cows roaming free.

So What Exactly Do Liberals Fear About Palin?

I guess it’s kinda late to be asking this, but have liberals ever been clear on exactly what why they’re so scared of Palin? They seem to think she’s a crazed extremist, but I’ve never heard what exactly were the crazy extreme policies she had as governor that were so scary. All the Palin objections seem to be of the form of:

“If Palin were elected governor, she’d… uh… Palin us! And… uh… there’s… I think I read somewhere she doesn’t think dinosaurs are really old!”

The biggest reasonable objection I can think to Palin is that she doesn’t have much experience, but liberals can’t make that objection unless they first admit Obama is a huge disaster. There’s also how Palin resigned, but if people don’t like Palin they should like how she resigns public office.

Liberals were really sure Obama would be a smart, great president despite his having no accomplishments to suggest that and they’re sure Palin is a crazed extremists despite there being no evidence from her record in public office to suggest that. We really need to push liberals towards using for actual logic and evidence to reach conclusions instead of making conclusion based on what they really want to be true. Maybe we could get them to watch Mythbusters, though the explosions may scare them.

lolterizt! Part 116

Oh, and the rumors are true – it’s my birthday today. HINT: I just became the most powerful handgun in the world, and I feel lucky.

This week terrorists, next week That One. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.



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From Kris:

From Kris:

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From Kris:

From Kris:

From Kris:

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My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Hart of That Hero:

From Jeff:

From Jeff:

From Kris:

From Kris:


This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:


PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

HAT TIP: Brian of Snapped Shot‘s magnificent EvilFeed – the world’s best source for ripe-for-captioning terrorist photos.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

Random Thoughts

Wife’s been having contractions. I guess that means labor is coming soon… or she’s Lore.

Is there any indication Mike Castle will be the next Hagel, because I’d vote for an avowed Communist over Hagel. I just hate his smug, little media-whore face. GRAH! I SO HATE HAGEL!!!

I don’t like either the nut or the RINO in Delaware. I hope they both lose the primary.

New rock/paper/scissors – Nut beats Rhino. Rhino beats Donkey. Donkey beats Nut.

50 years from now, I wonder what Segways will look like.

Bloomberg’s plan to raise national profile: Grow beard, get blue coat, wear red pointy hat, and guard nation’s lawns.

Unfortunately for MeggieMac, among her target audience her book is considered a choking hazard.

Very few ranges let you practice diving from cover while firing two guns which makes me feel ill-prepared anytime I go to Hong Kong.

What’s with the Gallup generic ballot poll? The thing is so unstable I’m afraid it’s going to explode.

If you’re ever shot, kneel down behind some crates for a few seconds until you heal.

Do you feel older? Well, do ya … Harvey?!?

While nobody was looking … somebody got old.

Well, not really old. I was his age once.

Harvey is older today. Of course, you’re older today than you were yesterday. It’s just that Harvey is older on the anniversary of his getting older.

I’m saying it’s his birthday.

How old is Harvey? I’ll let him tell you. Or you can figure out my hint.

Anyway, wish Harvey a happy birthday. Because, well, he deserves it.

Bay-NOR!

Artist's depiction of the one known as 'Bay-nor'.

There is an evil in this land that King Obama warns us of, and that is Bay-nor, the Orange. If the power of the Democrats is lessened, then they will no longer be able to hold him back and he will destroy all we hold dear. Little is known of him other that he hails from the cold, distant lands of Ohio and is sworn enemy of the king.

Aye, but some say he is savior and wishes to remove the foolishness of the king. And other’s say he is just your average, boring Republican. Still, King Obama warns that he is the unknown and should be feared, as does wizened-hag Pelosi.

Then, again perhaps he doesn’t exist at all. I guess I could check Wikipedia on that.

Do We Need to Be Less Polite About Religion?

Maybe part of the problem these days is we’re too polite about religion. Basically, in society you either ignore religious differences and act like all religions are the same or you burn Korans, but there isn’t really anything in between. There is no actual public, polite discussion of whether some religions are flawed or some are better than others. That just isn’t done. You all remember the reactions when Brit Hume actually suggested that maybe Christianity was superior Buddhism; that’s something every Christian should believe, but mentioning out loud was national news.

In this country, the civilized view is that religions teach pretty much the same thing and the differences are just a cultural thing — one religion is no better than the other. To even question religion is like making fun of someone’s clothing from their native country (except if you’re an atheist questioning Christians, as they’re not the minority and known to be used to that sort of thing). And if anything bad pops up about a religion, it’s just waved off as extremists without even checking if those tenets are core to the religion or not. But religion is supposed to be more important than that in this country. Most people here call themselves Christians, and Christianity is in direct conflict with the beliefs of Islam, but how many Christians are actually able to argue for the beliefs of Christianity over that of Islam? That’s left for a few kooks shouting about how Mohammad was a pedophile.

Anyway, maybe the reason so many Muslims freak out over silly things like pictures of Mohammad is they aren’t as used to their religion being questioned as Christians in this country are. And they are going to continue to be that way if they get coddled. Basically, the only way to ensure moderation in a religion is to make sure it’s used to polite questioning. There needs to be more of a discussion of religion in this country, and not just in a happy, “Yay all religions!” way. But also not in a shouting “Islam is of the devil!” way. An academic discussion — something you’d think a country as religious as this one would be used to.

RINO Murder Suicide

So, as I understand it, in Delaware there is a choice for Republicans in the Senate primary this Tuesday between Mike Castle — who is only a Republican because he accidentally mis-filled out his registration but should easily win the general election — and Christine O’Donnell — true-conservative crazed nut who could be beaten in the general election by Alvin Greene. And on one side we have people arguing we’re throwing away an easy election win to vote for a crazy person, while on the other we have that Castle is such a horrible RINO we’ll never be able to live with ourselves.

So who do I support? I just can’t care enough to decide. It’s Delaware. This is a big fight over who gets to represent a tollbooth. And while I guess Senate control might hang in the balance, getting control of the Senate wasn’t the most likely thing and there will be advantages in 2012 to not having control of both houses yet. So, while I’d like us to win the Senate, I’m not going to get to broken up about it if we don’t. And while in general I hate RINOs, it’s Delaware so not a big deal to me.

So, what do you think?

Random Thoughts

I hear at bookstores now they’re going to put a warning label on the Koran saying, “DO NOT BURN.”

So we can’t burn or flush a Koran without everyone freaking out. What exactly are we supposed to do with it, then?

If enough Korans are burned, Allah’s shield will become weakened leaving him exposed to super-missile attacks.

I think parenthood will suit me well; I’ve been very boring for a long time now.

Now I understand why some Muslims hate the US military: When we bomb countries in the Middle East, sometimes we harm Korans.

It doesn’t matter if the fate of Republicans/Conservatism is at stake; I’m not going to start caring about Delaware.

I’m going to protest homelessness by setting a hobo on fire.

Watched The Wicker Man with RiffTrax. Despite protestations to the contrary, there were bees.

I am just unable to care one way or another about the GOP primary in Delaware. Makes me feel like a political sociopath.

IMAO Podcast Reruns (8-29-05)

Episode 14, from 8-29-05 is now available.

NOTE: Each podcast is self-contained, so you won’t be lost if you haven’t listened to them all, or in order. Jump in anytime.

Reference link: Pat Robertson calls for assassination of Hugo Chavez

Reference link: Crazy Turkmenistan President

* IMAO goes to Turkmenistan (Part 1)
* Introduction & sponsors
* “World of Knowledge” w/ host Frank J: History of Tobacco
* Laurence Simon’s corrupting influence
* Harvey: Fun Facts About Indiana Part 1
* Right Wing Duck: IMAO News Moment (Part 1)
* Harvey: Fun Facts About Indiana Part 2
* Frank J’s corrupting influence
* Public Service Announcement: Smoking
* SarahK’s corrupting influence
* Right Wing Duck: IMAO News Moment (Part 2)
* Harvey’s corrupting influence
* Laurence Simon’s Crappy Bedtime Stories: Little Red Riding Hood
* SarahK reviews “Sin City”
* IMAO goes to Turkmenistan (Part 2)
* Conclusion

DISCLAIMER: I offer no guarantees as to the quality of the audio or of the material. Listen at your own risk.

Enjoy the show.