Another Primitive Dinosaur with Rocket Launcher

A reader sent this in which seems to be another primitive attempt at a dinosaur with a rocket launcher:

I dunno. Seems kind of a poor attempt. The idea is that a dinosaur is intimidating in itself — and then you add rocket launchers. A camel is just too awkward looking to be intimidating, even with the gatling gun. It’s like you could put a bazooka on a musk ox, but it would still look silly. One of these days we’re just going to have to buckle down and get our dinosaurs because no other animal is going to meet the needs of the future for our military.

27 Comments

  1. Monkey Mines – when stepped on, poo-flinging monkeys pop out.
    Explosive Tipped Homing Pidgeons – *must be trained to home to enemy target!
    Incendiery Lemmings – for enemies at the bottom of cliffs.

    I saw a show on one of the Discovery channels where during WW2 the Russians had armed dolphin sentries at their submarine bases and the USA experimented with a bat bomb for Japan. The dolphin sentries had a barbed spear on their nose which they would jab into an enemy diver, activating an inflatable buoy which would drag the sabotuer to the surface for capture. The ‘Bat Bomb’ was a wooden or cardboard device filled with hundreds of bats, each of which had a small incendiary device on a timer. When dropped, the device would open in the air, releasing the bats. Being daytime, the bats would seek shelter in the eaves and roofs of Japanese structures, which were chiefly constructed of balsa wood and paper. The resulting fires would devastate Japanese cities. Although testing on a mock-up Japanese city was successful, none were ever dropped.

  2. Didn’t Genghis Khan tie small lit torches on cats’ tails and scurry them through towns eventually destroying the enemy villages by fire?

    And who passed the stupid law that forces everyone on TV and radio to pronounce Ghengis “Jenjiss”. From now on I’m calling Beijing “Peking City”.

  3. I tried Marko’s idea and tried to cross mules with wolves.
    Turns out even when drunk wolves just kill and eat the mules, so I’m back to square one.

    I’ve decided to stick to one species. I figure I could try to breed up some ostriches or emus until they’re really, really big.

    You take a 30 foot ostrich, add some kevlar plates painted green with some pebbly sort of paint and slap on a cool saddle.

    It might not be a T-Rex, but it’ll be one intimidating armored transport. I figure you mount the rockets on the wings so you can mount maybe three or four rocket pods per wing. Maybe a set up like those “Saturn Missile Launchers” you see in fireworks shops (and Veeshir’s house often enough).
    That’ll be cool.

  4. Veeshir, I think we’re banging our heads against a wall by trying to breed predators with prey.

    I suggest we breed falcons with Russians. Theoretically, we should get something with speed, strength, size, the ability to consume mass amounts of cheap booze, and layers of blubbery fat and hair to combat the harsh winter weather of Nizhny Novgorod, the upper peninsula of Michigan, or Afghanistan.

  5. Whatever happened to the experimental Land Shark from the 70s? The one who could impersonate pizza delivery guys or candy-gram guys to fool their prey.
    Corona, everyone on TV pronounces Ghengis as “Jenjiss” now because that’s how Kerry pronounced it, and the media didn’t want him looking like the tool he is.

  6. Marko, I already tried that.

    I got Boris Yeltsin with really good eyesight and feathers.

    Fundamentally brave but too drunk to really do anything useful because he could see bottles of booze from really far away.
    Plus, he molted everywhere. It was a pain in the butt.

    Eric, they actually made something like that just recently, you might have seen the documentary about it on the Sci Fi channel called “Sharktopus”.

    If not, you should try to catch it next time it’s on.

  7. Corona, everyone on TV pronounces Ghengis as “Jenjiss” now because that’s how Kerry pronounced it, and the media didn’t want him looking like the tool he is.

    Thanks for the heads up. Friendly fire fail. That’s why Heinz ketchup tastes less like blood these days and more like sour grapes.

  8. Bat bombs were proven effective but were never dropped as they were rendered obsolete by a new bomb called…the atomic bomb, which proved to be quite effective against Japanese cities. Still is an effective weapon for that matter.

  9. Yes, Veeshir, we know you are a failed husbandry person. Husbandryer?

    No, I’m not marrying the animals, I’m trying to get them to… you know.

    I messed up again.

    I got a couple of big ostriches to start my program but I hadn’t got rid of the tigers or the wolves.

    Turns out, they like ostrich better than mules or dogs or horses.

  10. That was about the time I started reading here, Veeger. I am waiting, however, for an article from you titled “The Funniest End To Civilization Ever.”

    Yeah, you’re right – I have yet to read all the archives. When I try, I usually bog down in spastic fits (which either calls for more coffee, or more 1554.)

  11. Well Jimmy, I suggest for a start get FrnakJ’s book, “The Chronicles of Dubya”.
    http://ntmpublishing.com/
    (Even if he hasn’t published the promised sequel, just call him FrnakJ Forstchen)

    Put it in the throne room. You’ll be surprised at how much you enjoy the morning constitutional.

    Don’t read it in public, people are afraid of people sitting by themselves who laugh uncontrollably.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.