So is everyone reading my book
People only think Mark Twain is smart because he uses Einstein’s stylist.
I would also like to register my unhappiness at Community being benched.
It’s always a red flag if you really have to think about the question “Are you attracted to young boys?”
This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com
Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.
NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.
From Arik:
From Arik:
[reference link]
From Kris:
From Kris:
[reference link]
From Kris:
[reference link]
From Kris:
From Larsinkima:
From Larsinkima:
From Les of Brick Moon:
My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:
From Kris:
[reference link]
From Kris:
[reference link]
From KT:
From Raving Lunatic:
From Raving Lunatic:
From Raving Lunatic:
[reference link]
This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:
Definitely Kris, but I’m not sure whether for the 18 year old Simpson’s reference, or the 61 year old Bugs Bunny reference (well, technically the 63 year old Bogart reference)
What say you?
PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.
#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.
MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.
STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.
Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.
If for some reason you want something else to read than “Obama: The Greatest President in the History of Everything
“Obama: The Greatest President in the History of Everything” is out now. There is no other news. Go buy it, download it, and read it. Right now!
Click on the image now and go buy it. Only $1.99!
If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download an app for your tablet PC or smart phone. Or you can just read it in browser off of Amazon. Or you can buy it in another format such as for Nook or iBooks (link to other formats here). There is no excuse. You have two dollars for it. Buy it now. If you need more convincing, here’s a little write up I did on why on wrote the book.
And if you enjoyed the book, go write an Amazon review. If you didn’t enjoy the book, keep that to yourself because the people most likely not to get my humor are pedophiles.
So go buy the book and read and tell me your favorite parts in the comments. And then tell everyone else to go buy it. I need to sell lots of copies so Buttercup can know her father is a big time author and finally respect him.
Her daddy needs money to buy her more hats.
So, what are you waiting for? Go buy, download, read, laugh! And tell everyone!
Will today be on the Jay Thomas Show on Sirius-XM. Wonder what that will be like, as I don’t think he’s a conservative.
Wish I knew how not to be so terrified of radio interviews. I’m thinking I’ll just make myself a list of talking points.
I know I’m going to pull a total Rick Perry. I’ve done it before.
Let’s see, what will be my talking points for my book…
Main point: My book is very funny.
Other point: It’s only $1.99. Don’t pretend you don’t have a spare two dollars.
Talking Point 3: It’s a digital book, which makes it fun to read while wearing a Tron costume.
Talking Point 4: There’s $2.50 of funny in it, so that’s nearly 25% more funny for free.
Talking Point 5: A portion of every book sold goes to buying my one-year-old daughter, Buttercup, cute hats.
BABIES NEED LOTS OF HATS!
Talking Point 6: Only book about Obama to reference Snarf from Thundercats.
Talking Point 7: I’ll digitally sign your copy for free. That’s right – I’ll use my personal private key to encrypt a hash of your book.
I’m shopping around a screenplay about a rogue criminal who plays by the rules.
* My ebook
I’m excited for people to finally get to read it. Are you excited? You should be excited.
* After watching that stunning defeat of Boise State on Saturday (at least with how bad our kickers have been this year, we expected him to miss that last second field goal), I was hit with even more bad news: There was another Republican debate. These things will just never end. This one was on foreign policy, so Cain just tried to fade into the background while Ron Paul put on his full crazy for all to see.
Winners: Romney, who always seems to know what he’s talking about even while being weasely. Also, Newt Gingrich because it’s just so much fun to see him lecture moderators. It would almost be worth nominating him just to see him talk down to Obama.
Well, only… fourteen more debates to go. Wow. By the end of this, I’m going to be almost as sick of seeing Romney on TV as I am Obama.
* Obama made it clear he disagreed with the Republican candidates on whether waterboarding is torture. He said, “I’ll incinerate an American citizen with a hellfire missile, but I draw the line at pouring water on the face of a known terrorist mastermind!”
* It’s official — the Supreme Court is going to hear appeals on Obamacare. Do we have individual liberty, or can the government force us to do and buy whatever it one day feels like because… Commerce Clause.
If the Supreme Court rules that the Commerce Clause is so expansive as to basically eradicate the entire purpose of the Constitution, I think I might riot. Who wants to riot? Nah, on second thought, I probably have work that day.
* Even though they’ve had their biggest stands in blue cities, everyone is just fed up with Occupy Wall Street groups, and thus police are in full hippy whomping mode, breaking up the occupations in Oakland and other places. I wouldn’t expect too many of the protesters to end up arrested; they’ll probably just be the 1%.
* Wisdom of the Day: “‘We are the 99 cents.’ — Wendy’s Value Menu” –Sean Thomason
* Man, I hope my book sells well. I want Buttercup to be able to look up at her father as a big time author. She really needs that since she already has enough disadvantages on account of us naming her “Buttercup”.
I hear they’re planning a darker, grittier reboot of Se7en.
Basically the debates are Romney laughing away while everyone self-destructs around him.
I’d say foreign policy is the only place where Obama hasn’t performed beneath my low expectations.
How about the shake things up a bit and get some interesting moderators like Simon Cowell and Mr. T.
Debate Question: “If you had to nuke someone, who would it be?”
Paul: “The Constitution says nothing about nukes, so I would trade them all for gold.”
Santorum: “If we’re going to stop Iran from getting nuclear weapons, we first have to take on gay marriage…”
Bachmann: “A woman came up to me and said her daughter getting injected with Gardasil caused Islamists to get nukes.”
Debate Question: “If you were given the opportunity to strangle one dictator, who would it be?”
Debate Question: “Obama pronounces it ‘POCK-istan’. Will you vow not to do that?”
Debate Question: “Which color Angry Bird would you most closely identify you military strategy with?”
If you waterboard someone enough, they’ll admit it’s not torture.
If we’re against pouring water on KSM, we’re not taking this very seriously.
They weren’t booing, they were chanting, “Boo-untsman!”
They should make a series of Newt explaining things to idiot moderators.
I would love to see Newt lecture Obama.
Americans hate answers about letting evil abide, no matter how practical that is.
Foreign aid is only 1% of the budget? Only 1%… of trillions?
No one treats the federal budget like it’s actual money. Where else would ever see someone say, “That’s only a hundred million.”?
Is Arab Spring a competing soap to Irish Spring?
Why do these debates never have a riddle competition?
What’s Lindsey Graham doing in a Republican debate?
Buttercup thinks hitting herself in the head with my iPad is hilarious. I can’t prove her wrong.
From the audio files:
1) “…If Romney ends up as the nominee, I hope he has to earn it, and I hope he doesn’t get it soon. I hope he has to go the whole length [of the primary process] to get it. Because he’s got to be pulled in our direction. He’s got to be KEPT in our direction once we pull him there…”
2) “…The liberals hate the fact… that there are successful, conservative, black men and women who dare to make the ultimate offense of thinking for themselves, of being self-sufficient, or that dare… to leave the plantation of government dependency…”
3) “…Have you ever seen a group of reporters who had such an attitude, just on their faces? A group of reporters who just detested being in the presence of Republicans…”
4) “…So you’ve got two Cain accusers. This one connected with the Obama regime, this one a serial accuser. This is political assassination, my dear friends, and you’re never going to know the truth of the matter – you weren’t there. So you’ve gotta judge the people by their character, by their conduct, by what we DO know about them…”
More audio clips here.
And for those who would rather read than listen, gems-a-plenty:
1) “Anybody who criticizes the media, sort of gives them an on-air spanking during these debates, you’re gonna like that person. But don’t be seduced by that stuff. They must also prove they hold solid conservative values.”
2) “You know, the left is having a complete cow, my friends, about Herman Cain’s endurance. They don’t even begin to understand it.”
3) “In the debates, did you see Mitt Romney looking at Jim Cramer while he was screaming these questions like he was an insect that just crawled out from under a rock?”
4) “Are any of these Republicans a perfect candidate? No. We don’t have a perfect candidate. But ya wanna know something? The Democrats don’t have a perfect candidate either.”
5) “A big kerfluffle has been made out of the fact that Hermain Cain referred to Pelosi as ‘Princess Nancy’ (Maybe that’s abuse! Maybe she’s offended! Maybe SHE’LL file a complaint!). But that’s what most Americans think of Nancy Pelosi, anyway. When Cain says things like that, he just scoops up more money and more support.”
6) “The East-Coast RINO Republican crowd are the ones supporting Romney, but they don’t ever come into contact with regular people, unless they’re being served breakfast by them in a restaurant or in first class.”
7) “We seem to have, under this administration, a bad habit of aiding these companies that make things we don’t need and that can’t compete in the free market.”
8) “These pictures of Jimmy Carter building homes in Haiti in his denim & neckerchief – this is the left’s vision for you. When you are 87, you better have a hammer in your hand, you better be put to work, you better have some gloves on, or they’re going to take your medications away.”
9) “If Cain looks like he’s having a hard time responding to these baseless accusations, it’s because he’s not a smooth, practiced, polished, experienced liar like Bill Clinton. Which is why people like him.”
10) “The Obama administration is as transparent as a cement wall in North Korea.”
That first audio clip: some sound advice on disaster-preparedness. It’s like one of those old Civil Defense “Duck and Cover” films on what to do in the event of a Romney presidency.
Sometimes we need to be strong enough to think the unthinkable.
Note: the debate referred to in some of these is last week’s Michigan debate on the economy, not the defense debate from over the weekend.
We’re nearing the end of the college football season, and the number of unbeatens is getting smaller each week. There are five unbeaten teams remaining, ranging from Number One LSU to Number 11 Houston. But some of the once-beatens are still in the mix, and one might get the championship game nod over an unbeaten.
Is that fair? Well, nothing’s fair, until we get a playoff. I got the playoff plan, but the folks running the show won’t listen to me.
Of course, some of you don’t want to listen to — or read — these picks. Which means that you must hate college football and are a communist. Or a Gloria Allred client.
Sit back and find out who’s gonna lose this week.
Continue reading ‘Who’s gonna lose, week 11’ »
* Happy Veteran’s Day! And happy birthday to my brother, Joe foo’ the Marine. Funny how his birthday almost always lands on the same day as Veteran’s Day.
Anyway, thanks to all veterans who, by killing evil foreigners, allows me the cushy life of being able to earn money making fun of politics.
* A national poll still has Herman Cain on top with Newt Gingrich now tying Romney for second. Of course, a national poll means little since a few freak states are what actually determines who is ahead, but I’m still holding out hope for an upset. Every time all the pundits are all wrong, an angel gets its wings.
* Obama has yet again made another bold declaration of “Present!” Since the decision on whether to build the Keystone pipeline put him between environmentalists and union workers, he’s punted the issue until after the 2012 election. I thought this guy liked jobs and stuff? Oh wait, he likes his job and wants to do whatever he can to keep it, even if practically it makes him a useless coward. Hopefully, after November 2012, he’ll be able to make a decision on the pipeline with a clear head knowing he’ll only have the job for a couple more months.
* Leo Panetta is warning that sweeping military cuts would invite aggression. Does he mean from the enemy or from Republicans?
* Cain has apologized for calling Nancy Pelosi “Princess Nancy”. Pelosi’s actual title in the harpy hierarchy is “Grand Buzzard”.
* Now people are getting shot over Occupy Oakland. This whole movement started as some vague strike against Wall Street, and now it seems more like they’re trying to start the planet of the apes.
* Wisdom of the Day: “This 1% everyone keeps talking about are the critics who liked Jack and Jill, right?” –Cole Stratton
* BTW, I’ll be taking next week off from my day job. Part of that is because my aforementioned brother is visiting home on leave, and the other part is to leave me free to promote my book which comes out next Tuesday. So, still expect me to blog each day — and also probably have some radio appearances to announce.
Amazon has started ranking my book
Nothing beats a thick pair of wool socks on a cold day. I feel like I could punch a yeti in the face!
The reasons I support Rick Perry are his conservatism, his strong record, and… um… what was the third one?
Thought a surprising amount of time in J Edgar had the main character prancing around in a dress, then I realized I was watching Jack & Jill.
Actually, the movie choices this weekend almost makes me miss giant, incomprehensible robots punching each other.
If OWS has done anything, it’s proved that the left are right about it being dangerous to encourage unhinged people.
The sitcom Up All Night has parts that are funny and parts with Maya Rudolph.
* Here’s a new PJ Media column from me on why Republicans can never manage to nominate a right-wing nut.
“Right now the country is a car speeding towards a cliff due to out-of-control spending, and conservatives want a president who will seize the wheel of that car and turn it around. But the Republican we nominate is always someone who only promises to ease up on the gas a little.”
* There was another Republican debate last night. I didn’t watch it, because it wasn’t available on the internet and as part of our cutting back to get out of debt we got rid of cable. So I only know about it what people said on the Twitters… oh and from this clip of Rick Perry’s campaign imploding. I really appreciated that, because I’m going to go on some radio shows next week to promote my book
So did Rick Perry ever figure out what is the third government agency he wants to shut down? Poor guy. Being Texan kills brain cells.
If my wife reads this, I kid! (if she doesn’t read it, I’m totally serious)
* Do you know there are fifteen Republican debates left — fifteen! And there are only like four of them anyone thinks have a chance — and that’s being generous. What in the world is going to be left to talk about by the fifteenth debate? Will they debate the merits of the different Star Trek series? Give their opinions on the Lost finale? Name their favorite recipes for bacon? Actually, that sounds like an awesome debate. Let’s do that one and forget the rest!
* So Obama is going to tax Christmas trees now. It’s like he isn’t satisfied being the worst president ever until he destroys Christmas. And when he sees that Christmas goes on anyway, he’ll be like, “How could it be so? It came despite taxes on ribbons! It came despite taxes on tags! It came despite taxes on packages, boxes, and bags!” And he’ll puzzle for three hours, ’till his puzzler is sore, and say, “I know! I’ll crush their spirits with a new ‘jobs bill’!”
* David Gregory noted that there is no “grand wizard” in the GOP to force Cain out. Not only that, but the Democrat one died in June of last year.
* Looks like Dems aren’t going to make a deal in the super committee since a deal would mean doing something substantial about spending. I really hate those guys. It’s getting to the point where any solution that doesn’t end with all the high-spending congressmen starving on the streets while we laugh at them is unacceptable as a compromise.
* Wisdom of the Day: “I read that Steve Jobs wishes he spent more time with his kids. I can have what the richest of the rich wish for.” –PoliticalMath
* The new Elder Scrolls game
Man, but the new Modern Warfare
I guess I’ll just have to save video game playing for retirement. Hopefully by then they’ll adjust them for the elderly audience with large type games and lots of reminders of what you’re supposed to be doing (“I forget why I came into this room to slaughter these goblins.”).
To really test out an editor, just randomly pound at a keyboard and see what they do with it.
Wait; how many more Republican debates are left? Okay, I give in; let’s just nominate Romney.
How do I find this Twitter “Activity” thing? I want to complain about it too!
Buttercup can do all her animals sounds as long as I don’t have a videocamera on.
Just saw the Perry forgetfulness clip. Now I’m less worried about my radio interviews next week. Can’t be worse than that.
I keep wanting to make a joke about Penn State, but the whole child rape thing keeps knocking the wind out of me.
