Obama is going to give an economic speech today, but is anyone still listening to that guy on that issue? We’ve had three and a half years of him putzing around and spending trillions to no affect, but now he’s finally going to get really serious! What’s his argument now for himself over Romney? “I’ve got four years experience finding out what doesn’t work!” I mean, really is he just going to offer another jobs bill? “Oh! A bill with ‘jobs’ in the title! That will totally solve everything! Why didn’t we think of that!” The guy has nothing; no ideas. Just the same old tripe. His only hope is that people don’t think logically and rationally about their choice here. And to that end, there might be an election day push to legalize marijuana. Synergy!
Wait, I’m getting a psychic vision. He’s going to say that rich people – despite already shouldering the bulk of the tax burden – don’t pay their fair share, and need to pay still more taxes.
Carnac the Magnificent predicts investing in infrastructure, money for teachers, police and emergency personnel and increase government employment. Wait …wait it coming…raising taxes on those who make over $150,000 coupled with tax breaks for small businesses which is the engine of our economy. And he will dare congress to pass it and stop playing politics with such an important isssue
First of all, I’d like everyone to notice that I have a flag pin on and that I saluted the flag during the anthem. I would have done this before the campaign but it was George Bush’s fault. While we’re talking about salutes, I promise to bow to 30 percent less despots during my second term because we now know that the Middle East is obviously an issue that has plagued the region for centuries. I have brought peace to the region by ending our practice of air raiding villages and civilians. And speaking of the Mideast, I would like to point out that I did not inflame our enemies by saluting Medal of Honor awardees, be they privates or corpsemen, nor were our enemies inflamed when I refused to visit wounded vets when the media couldn’t tag along. We can hardly expect the same from my opponent who often acts like a stupid Cambridge cop.
I have special knowledge in these areas. Living in Hawaii, I remember when the Japanese dropped the bomb on Pearl Harbor. And don’t forget that my uncle liberated Auschwitz where they speak Austrian.
In the state of Europe, I have mended our relationship with our closest ally by returning the Winston Churchill bust so it can be viewed in England. The Queen and Tony Blair have thanked me for their iPod and tapes, and Blair has told me how much the Queen enjoyed my toast, well, as much as she could hear over the music. He also told me that the Queen especially enjoyed being patted on the back by Michelle. Our mutual warmth allowed me to declare that England has no claim on the Falklands.
In my visits to all 57 states, I hear your suffering about gas prices that are George Bush’s fault. Under my plan, as promised, energy prices have necessarily skyrocketed. I have spurred business by becoming the “only President in history to reduce regulations.” I’ll create even more jobs by prohibiting the use of ATM’s. And despite everything that Ben Bernanke says, I can balance the budget without raising taxes.
Speaking of the economy, the beginning of life may be above my pay grade, but I will not punish our daughters with children — a fate no better than contracting an STD.
But it hasn’t been all work. I’ve played almost 100 rounds of golf, and because of the generosity of the American people, Michelle and I have jetted off on dates to the tune of $250,000 a date. Unfortunately, these outings were sometimes interrupted, as when a tornado killed 10,000 in Kansas. We had a wonderful Cinco de Quatro celebration at the White House. We even got to take in a baseball game at “Cominsky” park, although my team didn’t win, whatever their name is.
In conclusion, I would like to say that my Muslim faith leads me to expect to be president for 8 to 10 years. While the oceans have not yet stopped rising, the rate at which they have gotten less high or reduced is up 4%.
“We are the ones we’ve been waiting for!”
Drawn from (although I had to leave many out):
http://newsbusters.org/forum/topic-discussion/handy-reference-guide-obama039s-gaffes-and-goofs
Obama Campaign Slogans:
“Forward, into the Past”
“Beer and Skittles for all”
“Look! Something Shiney!”
“Squirrel!”
QUIET! The One – who’s smarter than us – is about to stick his foot in his mouth.
The private sector is doing fine. Why does Dear Leader need to unveil an economic plan?
The Leader took in a “baseballing match” in Lewinsky-er, Lipinsky, um Kowalsky, ah, Kaprisky, um Strawberry Fields, yeah, that’s it…where, after flinging out the first putt, er, pitch, was seen dining on hot dogs,/i> prepared by his personal chef. Thus underscoring his “reg’lar folks” status.
The Leader took in a “baseballing match” in Lewinsky-er, Lipinsky, um Kowalsky, ah, Kaprisky, um Strawberry Fields, yeah, that’s it…where, after flinging out the first putt, er, pitch, was seen dining on hot dogs,/i> prepared by his personal chef. Thus underscoring his “reg’lar folks” status.
Apologies for the double post.
Moderate as neecessary.
Comedy is never easy.
You have just described the entire Democrat base and, in the last election, a significant percentage of conservatives who simply could not resist the bright, shiny prospect of Our First African-American President. The Democrats do not “hope” that the electorate won’t vote logically and rationally, they firmly expect them to vote with their emotions – hence the constant refrain that Rethuglicans are waging a war on women, Tea Baggers are racist and fascist, teachers are selfless angels who barely get by on their meager salaries and benefits, the ONLY possible cuts in government if taxes are not raised are in first responder services (you will all burn in your houses!), polar bears will die if we develop American oil reserves, the entire earth will die if we do not give more power to the government to regulate away our destructive lifestyles and force us to make greener “choices” (never mind that it’s not a “choice” if you are forced), and unions exist to protect the little guy from the vicious, greedy, undeserving 1% (including public worker unions – try not to think about that). (In fact, try not to THINK about any of this. Just react!!)
He left out the part where he proceeds to double the tab in a matter of minutes even though he has no money on him and than:
Amid the bustle of President Obama’s surprise stop for barbecue Wednesday the White House apparently overlooked one key detail: the bill.
Celebrating Father’s Day early, the president had lunch with two service members and two local barbers at Kenny’s BBQ on Capitol Hill.
As the group chatted about fatherhood, the president enjoyed a steaming plate of pork ribs with hot sauce, collard greens, red beans and rice and cornbread.
The bill for the president and his four guests was $55.58, but was left unpaid at the point of sale, according to pool reports.
In other words, he chewed and screwed.