Just saw a hipster getting an H1N1 vaccination with a rusty farm veterinarian’s needle.

— Rob Kutner (@ApocalypseHow) November 13, 2012

When your sister is a Princess and you live on a desert planet, sooner or later you have to accept you might not be the favourite.

— Death Star PR (@DeathStarPR) November 13, 2012

If women were in charge, the world would be a much bitter place.

— Alec Sulkin (@thesulk) November 13, 2012

For an “adult” bookstore, this place has a LOT of picture books

— Megan Amram (@meganamram) November 14, 2012

I support replacing food stamps with a system of community gruel pots. That’s a compromise – my opening offer is no worky no eaty. #caring

— Kurt Schlichter (@KurtSchlichter) November 14, 2012

Wait until the Feds find out the Pro-Pot activists have had this secret “But Thomas Jefferson grew hemp” card up their sleeve all along

— Conor Lastowka (@clastowka) November 14, 2012

“Today is your Friday!” is a fun way to fire someone.

— Jocelyn Plums (@FilthyRichmond) November 14, 2012