Have you seen this economic contraction we’re having? It’s awesome! According to chief U.S. economist for Capital Economics Paul Ashworth, it’s “the best-looking contraction in U.S. GDP you’ll ever see.”

It’s weird then Obama isn’t taking credit for it. Instead, he’s saying it’s all because of the Republicans. While other presidents have had profound effects on our country, Obama, after four years, is still way too impotent too affect anything and thus everything bad is someone else’s fault. He’s just a useless little twerp — that’s his words, not mine. Might as well even stop paying attention to him at all.

Of course, Obama can do things, but he can only effectively do bad things. I was thinking of my analogy yesterday of comparing Obama to a toddler, and that’s a really good way of explaining his affect on the economy. Let’s say you’re at your desk ready to do some important work, but there’s also a toddler standing on the desk ready to knock away your papers and scribble over them with crayon or pour juice on your laptop. How much work are you going to try doing knowing that the toddler could ruin it at any moment?

And that’s the problem businesses face today. They don’t want to do much right now knowing that any second the stupid toddler Obama could ruin it with new Obamacare regulation or something (and Obamacare is basically the equivalent of a bunch of dumb toddlers scribbling on a bill with crayon). Businesses are going to wait to do a lot of work until that toddler is in the corner occupied on an iPad or something. I don’t know what the equivalent would be with Obama; I guess distracting him with his favorite thing in the whole wide world: skeet shooting. Businesses can start to get to work when Obama is occupied skeet shooting all day.