Aww man, it got taken down. I kind of figured that had to happen even though the movies were unwatchable in this format (well, episodes I through III were made a bit more watchable by it). It was oddly fascinating, though, especially the beginning with all six Star Wars logos zooming out (nearly) in sync and fast forwarding to the end with six different climatic action sequences going on at once. Well, maybe it will get mirrored somewhere. Until then, just imagine the cacophony in your head.

So, anyway, Episode VII, directed by J.J. Abrams and with the original cast coming back — are you expecting a big train wreck or keeping some hopes up? I have some hopes — but it will never be like the anticipation for Episode I. I was so excited — could hardly believe after my childhood of watching the first three over and over I was actually going to get to see a new Star Wars movie. And then I saw it.

I’ve been a cold, jaded man ever since.

It’s snowing in New York, if any eccentric billionaires want to hunt a girl for sport someplace balmy.

— Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) March 25, 2013

When one door closes, another door opens. I need a new car.

— Sixth Form Poet (@sixthformpoet) March 25, 2013

As an extremely white guy, I can’t tell you how exhausting it is to have to pretend that I’m not hearing popular rap songs for the 1st time.

— Gavin Speiller (@gavinspeiller) March 25, 2013

Guys, a lot of women won’t like it if your house isn’t very tidy or if it’s full of skeletons and rope.

— Jason Miller (@longwall26) March 25, 2013

Hey @jimcarrey can u prove to me that your anti-vaccine panic hasn’t led to more deaths than rifles?

— GregGutfeld (@greggutfeld) March 25, 2013

The two Popes aren’t going to sword fight with so many people around. They’re going to wait & do it at night in a garage or something.

— Michael Kupperman (@MKupperman) March 25, 2013

I’m with Ace on being skeptical about this. It’s just too perfectly 80s. It’s just seems it had to have been made as a parody of everything 80s and can’t actually be from the 80s. But there is evidence it actually is from back then (here’s apparently a photo of the main guy from it as he looks now). Anyway, here is The Karate Rap:

The parakeet is the part where I’m like, “This has to be a joke.”

I respect Michael Bloomberg. Why? Because he’s an honest liberal. Here’s what he recently said:

“I do think there are certain times we should infringe on your freedom.”

Liberals are very anti-freedom these days, with their high taxes, the regulations, the wanting to keep you from having guns — but they never frame it that way. They always frame it as being pro-freedom. “I’m freeing you from worry by taking away your choices about health care!” It would just be nice for some liberals to finally be honest and come out and say, “Yeah, I’m not really feeling this whole ‘freedom’ thing; it’s kind of in the way of all the plans we have. And people spending their own money on things they want instead of me spending their money on things I say they should want — that just annoys me.”

But Bloomberg is basically coming out as the anti-freedom politician. Then maybe we can finally have a real, honest debate with liberals of freedom versus all their ideas they think are so much better than freedom. Because that’s where the debate actually is, but the left just does everything they can to keep it from being framed that honestly.

So Jim Carrey did a video for Funny or Die mocking gun owners as dumb hicks compensating for small penises because he’s from Hollywood where people tend to be stupid and bigoted and latch on to trendy causes. Now, I didn’t watch the video, as I only have so much time in the day and I’m not into political hatred porn, but I did find it interesting that apparently he has an armed bodyguard. So it’s really easy to follow his logic:

“Who are these paranoid freaks who want to carry around guns? Don’t they trust the bodyguards that follow them around them 24/7?”

This is probably similar to Bloomberg’s thinking. Instead of “Let them eat cake” it’s “Let them hire bodyguards.”

And talking about compensating for things, ever wonder why actors lash out politically like this? It’s because lots of people listen to them, but the actors know in their hearts they are very dumb people with nothing worthwhile to say. And thus they lash out like this to try and compensate for their lack of intellect.

Well, let’s relieve some pressure for Jim Carrey. Jim, you’re just a dancing monkey. Just because we toss at nickels at you to see you dance doesn’t mean we want your opinion on anything. So just keep smiling and dancing and just leave the little thoughts you have to rattle around in the hollow melon of yours.

And if you’re going to do another Funny or Die video, do a Fire Marshall Bill sketch. I miss those.