“Florida Man Bites Dog” is the new “Dog Bites Man”

— Tim Murphy (@timothypmurphy) March 28, 2013

If a friend says “pictures or it didn’t happen”, murder him and don’t take any pictures.

— Sixth Form Poet (@sixthformpoet) March 28, 2013

Gay Marriage Legalized In Landslide Thanks To Iowa Teenager’s Facebook Profile Photo

— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) March 28, 2013

He has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn’t dead it’s just afraid to move.

— Overly Manly Man (@ItsManlyMann) March 28, 2013

Whenever I get depressed I just imagine Hodor giving clues to an increasingly frustrated contestant on $100,000 Pyramid.

— Bryan Donaldson (@TheNardvark) March 28, 2013

Most people forget the things Obama has to do every day, like meetings, photos, or calling the fire dept. bc Joe Biden is stuck in a dryer.

— Rob Fee (@robfee) March 28, 2013