Back in the USSR

Now that Russia has given Snowden asylum, I hear that both Kerry and Obama are a bit put out.  My man in State has leaked that in response they are planning on taking the following diplomatic actions toward Russia.

  • Petulantly ask Putin to send back their reset button
  • Give Hollywood the go ahead to use Russian villains again
  • Photoshop Putin out of all their old photos
  • Jump into an ill-advised rebound relationship with Syria
  • Spitefully stop being the American voice for Communism
  • Impose high tariffs on the mail order bride industry
  • Give Putin an ipod filled with Reagan’s speeches
  • Arrange to meet with Russia in Sweden for some group therapy sessions
  • Curl up with some Hagen Daas and a box of tissues and watch Rocky IV again
  • Put Hillary in charge again
  • See if they would be willing to give Joe asylum too
  • Blame it on racism, and Bush and the sequester, but mostly racism
  • Cry and then get a makeover

8 Comments

  1. » Offer to be Putin’s jailhouse b!tc#.
    » Trade Snowden for Yakov Smirnoff and another washed up comedian to be named later.
    » Retool NATO so that their primary mission is to be Environment Warriors.

  2. I heard what Obama’s really mad about is this: he just became aware that there’s no shrine to him in Russia, where supplicants can kiss the butt of a huge bronze statue of OhBummer.

    So naturally, he’s irked, annoyed, and burned up.

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