Now that Russia has given Snowden asylum, I hear that both Kerry and Obama are a bit put out. My man in State has leaked that in response they are planning on taking the following diplomatic actions toward Russia.
- Petulantly ask Putin to send back their reset button
- Give Hollywood the go ahead to use Russian villains again
- Photoshop Putin out of all their old photos
- Jump into an ill-advised rebound relationship with Syria
- Spitefully stop being the American voice for Communism
- Impose high tariffs on the mail order bride industry
- Give Putin an ipod filled with Reagan’s speeches
- Arrange to meet with Russia in Sweden for some group therapy sessions
- Curl up with some Hagen Daas and a box of tissues and watch Rocky IV again
- Put Hillary in charge again
- See if they would be willing to give Joe asylum too
- Blame it on racism, and Bush and the sequester, but mostly racism
- Cry and then get a makeover
» Offer to be Putin’s jailhouse b!tc#.
» Trade Snowden for Yakov Smirnoff and another washed up comedian to be named later.
» Retool NATO so that their primary mission is to be Environment Warriors.
I heard what Obama’s really mad about is this: he just became aware that there’s no shrine to him in Russia, where supplicants can kiss the butt of a huge bronze statue of OhBummer.
So naturally, he’s irked, annoyed, and burned up.
“We will Barry you!”
“Mr. Putin, tears down this wail!”
The Cold Shoulder War. Oooh! Gutsy Call!!
..give the next hot russian spy they catch to Filner.
They’re baaaack!
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xyfjp3_simpsons-return-of-the-soviet-union_fun
He also silently swore to one day be secretly gay in St. Petersburg and write about it in his 8th or 9th memoir.
@6: Oh, rest assured their are porn versions:
“Red Dong”
“Gore. Key. Park.”
“The Cream-lin”
(I’ll leave the St. Petersburg ideas to you.)
In Russia, diplomatic actions take you!